Tou take out your nokia 8250 and scroll through the numbers and locate Stevce! you ring him up coz you know he hasn't driven the last 3 weeks and it's his turn to drive. while you are on the phone convincing him to drive, your mum yells from the laundry "koja koshula da ti e ispeglam za vecer?" embarrassed you yell back "shut uuuup muuuuuum!" and deal with it later! in the mean time Stevce has agreed to drive but he can't drive his brand new xr8 (the garage will miss it!) so he will drive his mum's nissan pintara, which uncomfortably fits 5 people! you start thinking "where the f..k is all the grog gonna fit...? but then you remember that your Uncle Roxy is sure to stock you up with drink cards tonight! after all you are his nephew and from the same selo!...so everything is cool!
it's 7.00 and after a few panadols and all the krstena voda that your mum wiped your forehead with (coz she thinks that someone had pocudi you....not aware of her "angel's" drinking habits) you are feeling a little better and decide to head to Safeway coz you need some wella hard rock gel for tonight. Whilst you are there your phone starts ringing to the sounds of cocaine and you look at your screen and you see that it's Trajce! you answer the call with "what's up bro?" and a massive smile on your face coz Diana just walked past you and you are rapt that she heard the 'sickest' ring tone out! you have wanted her for ages and know that she thinks you are a mad dog you might have a chance with her! Trajce on the other end of the line is letting you know how Stevce just called him and told him he is not going out tonight....the smile quickly fades! Jovanka from two houses down heard about Stevce's drinking and paraletic dance moves at Rob's 21st last night and was quick to visit Dobrinka (Stevce's mum) and let her know what her son is like'! Stevce is grounded for the night! his day is somewhat better when he tells his mum about Jovanka's innocent Suzi and her tonsil hockey tactics with Pece, Chris and Sash!!! Suzi wont be at Spy Lounge either!
You start freaking out coz now there is only you, Tom, Jim and Danny and none of you will drive....you are all hanging to get smashed......as you walk out of Safeway, with your gel you get a phone call from Jacqui the girl you picked up at the last diamonds function....thinking ahead you start sweet talking her and ask her if she is going to diamonds tonight....she says yes....jackpot! you continue to sweet talk her and ask her if she is driving....yes!....you promise to burn the sickest tunes for her and you have scored yourself and the guys a lift to diamonds!!!
Doing 100ks down High Street you hurry to get home....you hair is gonna take a while to do! but you have just enough time to stop at Quix for some smokes and say hi to the boys...Elvis, Zlat and John! you congratulate them on their win last week ...the play soccer for Sloga!
It's 8.00....you walk into your bedroom and on your bed is your koshula laid out for you as well as the pantoloni from the kostum you wore to your cousin's engagement 3 months ago! your outfit is ready all you have to do now, before getting ready, is locate some passes for tonight. you then realise that you are on Dimche's guest list and you have VIP entry and get in for free without a pass! sick!!! money for an extra drink!
It's now 9.30pm and you have just finished styling your hair! you inspect yourself and are quite proud with what you have achieved appearance wise. Jacqui is picking you up at 10pm ( a little earlier to avoid the massive line). you have just enough time to put on some Jovan musk that your mum bought for you from priceline (it was on special), scam $30 off your old man and spray another ton of extra strong hold hair spray! you SMS Tom, Jim and Danny to find out if everything is cool and you make a pact that you are all scoring tonight!
Jacqui rocks up riught on time in her Excel with the boys waiting in the car for you, bopping away to the sounds of J-Lo! you run down the 25 stairs of you double story house with the bottle of jim beam neatly tucked under your arms so your parents don't see! You get in the car, kiss Jacqui, shake the guys' hands and say "tonight's gonna be sick maaann!" you are now off to Diamonds! :)
Finally you make it to the line....cursing that it took so long to find parking....cursing even harder when you hear cocaine coz you're not in there to go off! From a distance you see Dimche and start flapping your arms eveywhere to get his attention....you get his attention alright...as well as the attention of the all of Thomastown and St Albans! Dimche walks over to where you are, pulls your group out of the VIP line and you make it inside in a nick of time to hear the last 30 seconds of cocaine!
You and the boys head straight to the bar, forgetting all about Jacqui...and smiling to anything that has a bit of cleavage. you continue walking to the bar only to stop short when you see a few of the westerners....Zoran, Nick and Dave! last diamonds night Zoran picked up your ex and you tried to be 'tough' and decided to punch him....you caused more damage to yourself then to Zoran! ever since that day you have kept low when they are around. lucky for you they don't see you and head upstairs....you now relax and order 4 scotch and cokes for you and your mates!
After saying hello to all your cousins (from Bitola) and everyone else that you think knows you....you and the guys head to the dance floor! you can't get over the mad tunes that Tom C is spinning! its 1.30am and by this stage you have drank more than your dad would at your sister's wedding and you can barely see what's in front of you....and a balancing act is definitely out of the question! you and tom decide to take your tops off in an attempt to impress Daniela, Mary and Anita....with your top off and those rocking dance moves that your pulling you are confident that you are gonna pick up Anita tonight.
You try to get a little closer to her ...interpreting her greezie as a smile and her f##k off as "give me your number"....getting all excited now you try and pull some kind of swift dance move that will send a shiver down her spine.....but it's not the dance move that does this...it's the vodka and raspberry that you spilled all over her that does it.....and she runs to the rest room, crying, that her new white top from Deborah K has been ruined!
It's 3.30 and Jacqui finally manages to find you...she is telling you that she has to be home by 4am so she can wake up in time for her cousin's wedding...they are invited...od sabajle! you don't pay any attention to her and try to find your Uncle Roxy with those drink cards! you find him, hug him and say kako si chich? and he looks at you like he has no clue who you are! he smiles and walks off...the truth of the matter being that he gave you one drink card before but in your current state you just don't remember!
It's now 4am and jacqui is cracking it big time! apart from being smashed your night hasn't been that great...you didn't pick up Anita or anyone else for that matter, you almost got hit by Zoran when your slurred speech to Zlatko (about your done up VR) resulted in you spitting all over Zoran's face ... and you are pretty much out of cash....so you tell Jacqui that you are ready to go home and you both head off to look for the rest of the guys! you find Jim and Beti in one corner going for it, and Danny and Tom in the toilets both o.d'ing! after half an hour you make it to the car and your own your way home!
You're almost home when you decide that you are hungry and beg Jacqui to stop at Preston Maccas! She really wants that sick CD that you promised her so she agrees to take you and another 45 mins is wasted at maccas while you are eating your upzized Big Mac meal and talking to Bob and the gang about how sick Spy Lounge was and about all the chicks you grabbed!
By the time you get home the sun is shining and you walk in the door, barely managing to get to your room...you hear your old man yelling "pickata majcina ...pijanica eden! ke ti go skinam vratot! drug pat nema da izlezis!" but you don't care coz its just an empty threat as usual...and all that matters now is getting under all those wog kebina and the doona and falling asleep....you have only 1 hour to sleep coz you have to wake up and go to Goodyear...your old man managed to score you some work there along side him since you decided to 'defer' from tafe!
p.s.-For those of you who don't know what krstena voda is it's holy water! the next best lek to rakija! and 'pocudi' means...well I'm not sure of the exact definition but something along the lines of the a jinx or eveil eye. If someone stares at you for ages coz they think you are good looking that can result in them to 'pocudi' you! That leads to you having a headache or a cold, etc
