| Episode 5 - Into the House: June 22, 2004 |
| The ten comic finalists were off to Hollywood - but instead of some luxurious transportation, the comics were packed into an old school bus (the short bus at that!). That should have been their first sign of things to come. The next sign was their "comedy house." They arrived outside a castle (complete with a moat and drawbridge) - their new home. Jay Mohr welcomed the giddy group and gave them a glimpse of what was to come. He said that the ten comics would all live in the house and compete in activities and challenges, which would reveal their strengths and weakness as comics. Each week, there would be a head-to-head challenge, where two comics would perform in front of a live audience. The live audience would vote and the losing comic would be sent home. After the group got down to five, all of America would get the chance to vote and determine who would become the Last Comic Standing. The group entered their new home and gasped collectively. Colors, shapes and textures clashed in every way possible. The place was like a 70's bachelor pad and a carnival - with a big helping of medieval on the side. Bright colored lights sat next to a red, velvet couch by a suit of armor beneath a stuffed bird of prey. Bonnie said that the house "...seems like it used to be used for porn." After the initial shock and awe, the comics settled in. The three women shared a room. Jay London and John were roommates. Alonzo, Todd and Gary were bunking together. Todd did a big pratfall down the stairs, yelling all the way. Alonzo reacted to it and said that they'd have to set some rules because that kind of thing could not go on all the time. ANT shared a room with Corey. And ANT said that Corey was, "…probably the most homophobic person I've ever met." While Corey said, "I don't want ANT looking at me... 'cause I'm sexy." Later, the comics joined Jay Mohr around their fortuneteller - the kind you'd see at a carnival or, of course, at someone's tacky castle in the Hollywood Hills. The fortuneteller gave the comics their first task - they had to do stand-up at a Laundromat. With tired looking people just trying to do their laundry at night, the comics had a challenge. Some were met with silence. Jay London said, "This is death." Some got laughs. Tammy got neither. She lost her voice and had to sit it out. Little did the comics know that inside that Laundromat was Debbie Drimmer, a representative of HBO's US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado. Debbie had watched the comics and would reward one with a VIP trip to the festival and a chance to perform there with some of the biggest names in comedy. As Jay Mohr reminded the comics, with every challenge, there would be something on the line. Debbie said she was looking for how funny and how adaptable the comics were. Based on that, she picked Corey, who had used the Laundromat surroundings as a source for jokes and had gotten some good laughs. But there was a twist. Corey could pick any other comic to go to Aspen with him. Corey picked Kathleen. Later, Corey said that when he was first starting out as a comic, he met Kathleen on the road and she was nice to him. He said he'd always appreciated that. But the surprises weren't over. That night, the comics went out to dinner, where Tammy gave everyone greeting cards. Bonnie said that her card read, "You're a superstar. I hope you win. You deserve it." Bonnie responded (jokingly) with profanities, which backfired. Tammy told Bonnie to keep her issues to herself. Elsewhere, Corey and Kathleen got on their private jet and flew to Aspen. Before his performance, Corey said, "I was very nervous because this is big." Corey got laughs and applause. He said it was one of the biggest shows he'd ever done and he felt that it had gone well. Back at the house, an alliance was already forming. ANT, Tammy, Alonzo, and Jay London said they'd stick together (ANT wanted to invite Kathleen to join their group when she got back). ANT said the goal was not just to eliminate the funniest person, but also the most annoying. Right on cue, Todd broke into his "Attention" song, that he yelled to get attention. John, Todd, Bonnie and Gary were, by default, the other faction. But John simply called them "the people who don't care." There was a short attempt at cooperation across the groups when Bonnie confided in ANT that she thought that Tammy choked at the Laundromat. ANT then repeated this to Tammy, who admitted that it made her mad. Alone, Tammy muttered, "Stupid, stupid whore. I've been to war, bitch." Then, ANT told Tammy that he wanted Todd gone. But Tammy thought that Todd was too strong. She suggested taking out the weaker comics around him. The Sicilian fever came out again as Tammy likened her strategy to killing off a guy's entire family around him and watching him suffer before you actually knock him off. With Corey and Kathleen back from Aspen, Jay Mohr gathered the ten comics and said that for someone, today would be their last day. That night was the first head-to-head competition. In order to determine who would compete, each comic would challenge any other comic in the house by stepping into a photo booth and announcing, "I know I'm funnier than…", and naming the comic. The person with the most challenges would go head-to-head that night. They could choose to compete against any comic who had challenged him or her. One by one, the comics voted. When the votes were tallied, Bonnie was the clear winner (or loser depending on how you looked at it). Six comics had stepped into the booth and uttered the words, "I know I'm funnier than Bonnie." In choosing her opponent, Bonnie said that ANT and Tammy wouldn't even be a challenge. So instead, Bonnie chose John. And even though Bonnie hadn't chosen Tammy - the two women got into it again! Later, John admitted that he hadn't wanted Bonnie to challenge him. He was hoping to blend into the crowd by voting for her. Instead, he would have to face her - and only one of them would be coming back. That night, Jay Mohr welcomed everyone to the Last Comic Theater with some of his own stand-up. Next, Jay reminded the audience that they would vote and determine who would stay on television. Bonnie was up first. She told the crowd that if she got big breast implants, she wouldn't pose for Playboy or Penthouse; she'd rob liquor stores and gas stations instead: "'Cause you know those guys would never be able to ID you." John talked about being 33 years old: "I got TUMS in my pocket for no reason at all. I used to carry condoms. But now I know I got a better chance getting a stomachache than getting laid." Finally, Jay announced the results and the winner was clear - 94% of the audience said that John was funnier. Bonnie was going home, while John lived to joke another day. In an interview, John said that it was no victory for him. He said there were many others he'd rather have seen go. |
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| THE SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN AMERICA |
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