| Episode 7 - Roast Challenge: July 6, 2004 |
| Tammy returned to the house after narrowly defeating Todd in the head-to-head. The reactions from her housemates ran the gamut. ANT jumped up and gave Tammy a big hug. A few others applauded. But Gary sat quietly. In an interview he said, "I was disappointed that Todd lost. It's like losing your best friend at a time when you really need a best friend." Gary also knew that the ANT camp was gunning for him next. ANT immediately went to work. He approached Jay London and offered him the professional photo shoot he had won in the Tour Guide Challenge. Jay was touched and gave ANT a big hug. But in an interview, ANT said that he was manipulating Jay London and would get him to vote exactly the way he wanted him to. Jay was excited about his photo shoot (where they did his hair and makeup). Amazingly, even after time with professionals, Jay's hair looked exactly the same. Jay admitted that he was nervous about the shoot - he even asked (in all sincerity), "How do you smile?" After a quick lesson in the art of the smile, Jay loosened up and finished the shoot. For their next challenge, the comics would roast one of their own at the famous Friars club in Beverly Hills. Corey asked what the Friars club was and Jay Mohr told him that the Friars are the ones who hosted all of those famous roasts where the likes of Dean Martin and Don Rickles gathered together and mercilessly made fun of another performer. Jay Mohr told the comics that this would be their chance to participate in one of the great traditions of American comedy. Plus, they would be judged by three legendary comedians. The judges would select the comic with the best roasting skills, who would win a free, one-year membership to the Friars club of Beverly Hills. Jay also said that one comic would be granted immunity before the night was over - but Jay was holding back one piece of information, sealed in an envelope. He promised to read the contents of that envelope after the roast. Next, each person voted for the comic they wanted to roast. With the ANT alliance voting as a single block, the group was able to make Jay London the victim of the roast. ANT thought that Jay London would be the easiest person to roast, which would give the alliance the best chance to do well in the challenge. Now, this was going to be an interesting challenge since none of the comics could use any of their old, tried and true material. This challenge would put all of the comics in the same, tough spot and force them to write from scratch, under a tight deadline. Gary said the writing aspect of the challenge made him lick his chops in anticipation. But would he be licking his wounds after the gig? This challenge would certainly highlight who writes well under pressure - and who chokes under the gun. Roast Master Jay Mohr welcomed the audience of Friars to the Last Comic Standing Roast at the Friars club in Beverly Hills. Next, Jay introduced the three legendary comics who would act as judges: Norm Crosby, Phyllis Diller and Rich Little. The first person at the podium was John Heffron. He said, "I know a lot of jobs that Jay had. Jay actually cleaned out stalls for horses. How confusing was it that week for those flies?" - which drew laughs and applause. Alonzo won the crowd over with his opening joke: "Beverly Hills invited me to a Neighborhood Watch meeting just to show the neighborhood what to watch out for." Then he did a series of well-received jokes about the man of honor, Jay London. Corey, on the other hand, struggled. He had some jokes that the judges reacted to simply with blank stares. In an interview, Corey admitted that he hadn't prepared the way he needed to. Kathleen also had a tough time. Behind the podium she said, "This is the politest man I've ever met in my life… He says 'thank you' more than a Chinese waiter, people." After she didn't get a strong reaction from the joke, Kathleen added, "Okay, maybe not." ANT didn't always get the reactions he was hoping for either. At one point, he admonished the crowd with, "These are the jokes, people. These are the jokes." Tammy got the judges to laugh with a reference to Festus from "Gunsmoke" (No, I don't know who that is either - but Norm Crosby seemed to like it.) And no one was safe from the insult humor of Gary Gulman. Gary had something to say about each of his fellow comics and all three celebrity judges. He said, "Phyllis Diller, the antidote to Viagra. God bless you, Darling." - which drew sort of a laugh/groan from the audience. Finally, after taking it all night, Jay London got the chance to get behind the podium and return the favors. Not all of his jokes hit, but that worked in Jay's favor since he does so much self-deprecating humor. Next, the judges weighed in. Norm Crosby said that overall, everyone's delivery and timing were good. But he went on to say that Kathleen was "very lightweight" and that Corey had "weak material." He thought Gary was "clever" but too "crude." He said Alonzo was "very clever" and that John had "great material." Phyllis Diller told Gary that he was a great talent, but she was put off by the fact that Gary didn't spend enough time roasting Jay London (as opposed to talking about the other comics and the judges). She said that Kathleen "wasn't cut out for roasts." She thought that John "had a lot of talent" and that Alonzo "was a good writer." Rich Little echoed some of the same sentiments expressed about Gary. He thought that Gary was talented but that his material was "too blue" (too dirty) and that he didn't do enough jokes about Jay London, the man of honor. He said that Alonzo blew him away and he liked Jay London. Finally, Jay Mohr said that the judges' scores had been tallied and it was time to announce the winner. With a score of 9.3 out of 10, Alonzo Bodden was the newest Beverly Hills Friar! Although Alonzo was riding high on the news, he came down quickly when he learned that winning the challenge did not give him immunity. Jay Mohr read the card from the secret envelope that he had shown the comics earlier. It revealed that the comic being roasted would be granted immunity. Jay London was thrilled that he could breathe easy… at least for this week. Gary believed that ANT's alliance was going to vote for him, forcing him into the head-to-head competition. Gary's consolation was that he could then select ANT to go up against him. But ANT told Gary that he wasn't going to vote for him, which would mean that Gary would not be able to choose ANT as his competition. (Remember, the comic who gets voted into the head-to-head can only choose an opponent from among the comics who voted for him.) Gary was upset that ANT would lead a group charge to force Gary into the head-to-head and then chicken out of being in it. Even Tammy thought that ANT had to vote for Gary - to protect ANT's reputation, if nothing else. But ANT said that no one had the power to make him do anything. That night, not surprisingly, Gary did get the most votes - so he was definitely going to the head-to-head. However, Gary was surprised to learn that ANT voted for him, making ANT a valid choice for Gary. Without hesitation, Gary chose to battle ANT. In an interview, ANT said he had decided that he would be going up against Gary that night. In his own interview, Gary said that this head-to-head was more personal than any of the previous ones. At the Last Comic Theater, Jay Mohr started the night off with a set about the mystery (and annoyance) of women's "getting ready for bed" ritual. Then it was time for the head-to-head. Gary was up first. Before he took the stage, he said, "Beating ANT would be revenge for the deceit that went into the removal of my rock from the house: Todd Glass." On stage, Gary said, "My favorite invention, a very important invention. Without it, I don't even want to live. Oreo cookies with Double Stuff. Are you kidding me? Double the stuff - same price. When I first heard that, I said, 'Oreo, great. What do I owe you?' They said, 'It's on us.' 'How do you turn a profit?' 'We don't care about money. We want to make you happy.' 'Well, you've succeeded.'" Backstage, ANT said that this was the moment that his entire career had been leading up to. ANT came out on stage and said, "Before I was a stand-up comic, I was a flight attendant. Don't all look so shocked… We had a member of the Romanian Royal Family flying onboard one of our jets one night. She was this princess. I thought she was going to be so much fun. The entire flight she was like this to me: 'Juice. Coffee. Now.' She said, 'I'll have you know in my country, I am a princess. I order people around.' I said, 'That's so cool. Because in America, I'm a queen and I outrank you.'" Gary and ANT had done their best. But it was then the audience's turn to speak. They voted, and 73% of them said that Gary Gulman was the funniest! In an interview, Gary said, "Ding-dong, the witch is dead." Backstage, ANT wiped tears from his eyes and wheeled his suitcase away. |
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| THE SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN AMERICA |
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