There are stories on the page, and many behind the links! Hope y'all enjoy the humor here as much as I did!
*HUGS* ~ Beej
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THANK YOU LORD... WITH A SMILE :)
I want to thank you, Lord,
for being close to me so far this day.
With your help I haven't been impatient,
lost my temper, been grumpy, judgmental,
or envious of anyone.
But I will be getting out of bed in a minute
and I think I will really need your help then!
as of 17 June 1998
How to keep a healthy level of insanity in your workplace *G*
added 10 June 1998:
You know you're in a Redneck Church if ....
(this is original 1995 version by Laura M. & her brother, added to this site with permission of the authors)
"Useless Facts" -- but some ARE worth seeing *G*
Some really spooky coincidences!
100 reasons it's great to be a Guy (yeah, ladies, they need equal time *L*)
Church Humor
www.thedailyjoke.com
This is truly a great site, and very seldom are the jokes offensive in nature *s*
Sandy Lindsey's Humor Page... Some of you might recognize her from some of the national fishing publications! And she's truly funny!!!
link here to the home page of ZOOASS, site of the *adult* "Joke of the Day". Some are a little risque... so don't say you haven't been warned!
And now, for the links and jokes that have been here a while. . . . *Grin*
The Three Bears
Facts about Men!
Love, Lust & Marriage.... If you've been married long, you'll ROTFL!
Top 10 things a father hates to hear from his son.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours
of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle insisted again and again
after each knock, while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of
a branch, looking the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female bird says to the male: "Hey dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted?"
LATE ONE NIGHT, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tip-toed through the living room, but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar again stopped dead in his tracks. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a birdcage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear! In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some *religion*!"
FOR YOUR CAT FRIENDS....
The Secluded Island ... the luxury cruise gone amiss *G*
Women's Comedy Quotes, and other funnies *G*
If Noah Had to Build His Ark Today
Bible interpretations as told by children.
*Oh, forgive me Lord, for ROTFL* *adjusting halo*
Honk if you Love Jesus! as told by the Reverend's wife *G*
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and he glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
One day a cat died of natural causes and went to heaven. There he met the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat things for a moment and said, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stopped the cat and said, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and they go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "Lord, all our lives we have been chased. We have had to run fron cats, dogs, and even women with brooms! We are tired of running, Lord. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run any more?" The Lord said, "say no more,"and fit each mouse with a beautiful set of roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stopped by to see the cat and found him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently woke the cat and asked him, "How are things since you're here?" The cat stretched and yawned and replied, "Lord, it is wonderful here... better than I could have ever expected! And those means on wheels you have been sending by are the best!"
The O.J. Trial as told by Dr. Seuss (with many apologies!)
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and butt are interchangeable."
MARRIED 50 YEARS
Well, there was this old couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey! We have been married for 50 years!" "Yeah," she replied. "Just think! 50 years ago today we were sitting here at this table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds 50 years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we, for old times sake?" whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathed breathlessly and said, "My nipples are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised!" replied gramps. "One's in your coffee, and the other one's in your oatmeal!!"
Naval History ~ Wooden Ships and Iron Men
CONVERSATION when two fishermen meet...
Hiyamac.
Lobuddy.
Binearlong?
Coplours.
Cetchanenny?
Goddafew.
Kindarthay?
Bassencarp.
Ennysizetoom?
Cuplapouns.
Hittinhard?
Sordalike.
Whatchoozin?
Gobbaworms.
Fishinonaboddum?
Rydonaboddum.
Whatchadrinkin?
Jugajimbeam.
Igoddago.
Tubad.
Seeyaround.
Yeahtakideezy.
Guluck.
...And they accuse chatters of slurring speech!?!?!*ROTFL*
Beej@cyou.com