YES! "THE WORLD OF SOOSE" IS NOW A GEOCITIES FEATURED SITE, AS OF 5/19/97!
CRASH!!!
OH, YEAH? WELL, THE SAME TO YOU, TOO!
COME ON, SAGE, GIVE UP! YOU KNOW SHE'LL NEVER LET YOU BE A GUEST NOW!
HA! I'LL BE ONE--YOU'LL SEE!
Hi, everybody. Its me. Soose. (sigh!) Remember last month when Sage had come here and wanted to be a guest? Hugo and her were fighting over her leaving here when I said "good-bye" to you. Remember?
Uh, well, she's STILL here! Hugo and her are STILL fighting!
NEAH! YOU MISSED ME! YOUR AIM IS LOUSY!
I have called the GeoCities "9-1-1" number for some help. They said that they would send someone over to restore peace here in Sooseland.
OW!!
I TOLD YOU MY AIM WAS BETTER THAN YOURS!
I hope they send the "Riot Squad", or something. This has REALLY gotten out of hand! Maybe some BIG, BURLY policeman will come, or a couple of squad cars with guys that know Judo or Karate, or maybe they'll send......
Ahem....
I'm sorry, but I'm not receiving visitors right now. I'm entertaining some guests. Later maybe, ok? Now, as I was saying, maybe they'll send POLICE DOGS! Yeah....and BIG guys who are with the S.W.A.T. Team.....
Excuse me, but.....
Look, I told you that I'm BUSY! I've got those two loonies over there fighting and throwing things. I called "9-1-1" for help, and GeoCities is sending over....
Me.
YOU?!
I....see.....But, how can YOU do anything against THEM? I'm afraid that GeoCities has made a big mistake.
GeoCities hasn't made ANY mistakes. THOSE TWO HAVE!
Uh-oh...
OW!!!
Excuse me, Soose. I am now going to restore order to your site.
HA!
But, HOW?
Watch.OK, SUBORDINATES! LISTEN UP!
Huh...?
Wha....? Who are YOU?
She looks like YOUR kind of gal! Is she your girlfriend?
Cool it, you ditsy dame!
OK! NOW, SUBORDINATES, "WE" ARE NOW GOING TO "POLICE" THIS SITE!
Her volume control must be frozen.....
Who ARE y....HEY! I know you! Aren't you that gal who has that "9-1-1" dispatcher site?
AFFIRMATIVE!
CRASH!
Oooops! Hehehe. Sorry!
PICK THAT UP, SUBORDINATE!
OK! JEESH!
Uh.....excuse me.....but....
YEAH?!Uh,...yes?
Well, its just that most law enforcement people have weapons, or SOMETHING to aid them in the performance of their duty.
Yes?
You don't seem to have any of those things!
Yes....
Well, except for.....well.......you know.....
You mean, THIS?
(AHEM!) Uh,....YES!
HEY! WE'RE DONE!
I kinda liked this site better the OTHER way....
Will you knock it off?
THUNGK!!
Sorry! Your head just "happened" to be in the way!
OK, SUBORDINATES! MARCH OUT TO THE POLICE VEHICLE THAT IS PARKED RIGHT OUTSIDE, AND REMAIN THERE!
Oh, ok....come on, Sage! GET GOING!
HEY! LEGGO! OOOOOOHHHHHH.......!
SLAM!!!
They're both gone! That was amazing! How DID you do THAT?
Well, its all in the voice. I try to make my voice commanding, with an authoritative sound. It works ALMOST every time!
I see.....say, don't I know you?
You sure do! Well, not in PERSON. But, we DO know each other. I've been helping you make your site compatible for viewing and such to BOTH PC users AND people who have WEBTV! I'm LINDA!
Linda?
YES! LINDA! You know, from the BREAK ROOM FOR PUBLIC SAFETY COMMUNICATIONS PERSONNEL!
Linda.....
YES! You know, the "HAPPY TO BE HERE, PROUD TO SERVE" LINDA!
LINDA! YES! At last, we FINALLY meet! But, how did YOU end up with THIS assignment?
I volunteered.
Volunteered?! Why?
Well, this site gets quite a bit of exposure. And I do impressions of famous people.
Impressions? You mean like Rich Little?
YAH. I'm hoping that I'll be discovered by some talent scout, and become famous!
Talent scout? Famous?
So, I'm here to audition. Maybe somebody reading this column will discover how talented I REALLY am!
Uh,....I REALLY don't think that that's such a good idea.....
I do 125 voices! And I'm gonna do EVERY SINGLE ONE!
Oh, no....!
Listen to this! This is my Elvis Presley impression....."Hunka, hunka, burnin' love!" That was number ONE!
(COUGH!)That's.....(gulp!)...great! But,.....
Yeah, and then there's THIS one--number TWO... "Can we talk?" Guess who?
I have NO idea....
JOAN RIVERS, silly!
I think I'm being SENT up the river.....
"WELL!"
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to....
That was number THREE--JACK BENNY!
Oh....well, Linda, I'm sure that you must be VERY busy now. You have Hugo and Sage out in the car. Maybe you'd better go....
WAIT! Here's number FOUR...."I vont to be alaown."
I wish I was alone....
WHAT?!
I mean, that WAS Greta Garbo, or am I wrong?
RIGHT!
Great.....
You wanna hear number FIVE, Cary Grant?
Uh,....well.....
"JU-DY, JU-DY, JU-DY!"
Nice. Excuse me, but its time for me to say "good-bye" to my guests.
"RIGHT-E-O! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
What?
That was Felix the Cat--number SIX!
Felix the Cat....(sigh!)...ok.... Well, everybody, it looks like I'll be having ANOTHER interesting month. Perhaps next month will be more quiet. (sigh!) See you then!
And THEN there's Bette Davis--number SEVEN.
Uh-oh.....(sigh!)
"PEE-TA! PEE-TA! PEE-TA!"
Wow.
WAIT! Here's number EIGHT--James Cagney....
Ooooh, boy.....
"All right, you dirty rat!"
This page is dedicated to WEBTV, because if it hadn't been for WEBTV, I wouldn't be here tormenting you with this stuff, would I?
I want to say "hello" and thanks to Wrenn, Rare Bear, jc, and the Andresen Family for their assistance--"HELLO AND THANKS!"
ALSO, a VERY special "hello" and thanks to Linda, my "mentor" and "guardian angel", who is helping me make this site compatible not only for WEBTV users, but for pc users as well. If you "click" on her name, you can go to her award winning site. And boy! Is IT a site (30 pages)! She says that she needs the "hits" (or was that "needs to get hit"?)!
I would not be a "soose" if I did not recognize the wonderful talents that Pati of IACTA possesses. Thanks to Pati, that great looking "Soose Banner" that you can see at the top of this page is possible (and the "Soose Award", too!). Thank you Pati for all your time and effort that you put into BOTH items. And thank you to YOU Laura of IACTA for letting Pati display her talents for a "soose" ("sooses" are graphically impaired individuals)! No, I don't actually look like that little animated character!
THE NEXT INSTALLMENT WILL BE SOMETIME IN AUGUST. SEE YOU THEN!
I Am A Proud Member Of: Phenomenal Women Of The Web
(Pretty neat, huh?)