BAND RIVALRY
ACCORDING TO NOEL, IT WASN'T HARD FOR HIM TO CONVINCE LIAM, TONY, BONEHEAD, & GUIGSY TO LET HIM JOIN OASIS. HE SAID HE PLAYED LIVE FOREVER FOR THEM, THEY WERE COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY, & THEY LET HIM JOIN. WELL, HERE'S A TRANSCRIPT OF WHAT NOEL REALLY HAD TO GO THROUGH TO TALK LIAM INTO LETTING HIM JOIN THE BAND.
NOEL: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT, ALREADY, YOU HAVE DEVELOPED A REPUTATION FOR WRITING SHITE SONGS?
LIAM: I DON'T MIND IT, ME. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, I GET A CLIP FROM THE REST OF THE BAND. AND I DO. THEY CLIP ME ROUND THE HEAD & GO, "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET SOMEONE IN THIS BAND WHO CAN WRITE GOOD SONGS, YOU LITTLE TINKER?"
NOEL: DID YOU GET A CLIP THIS MORNING?
LIAM: OH YEAH, I GET IT ALL THE TIME. THEY LOOK AT ME & GO, "WRITE GOOD SONGS YOU F*CKIN' DAFT BASTARD." KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NOEL: WELL, I'VE GOT A REPUTATION FOR WRITING GOOD SONGS.
LIAM: I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THIS IS BUBBLING UP. I WANNA WRITE THE SONGS, ME. I WANT TO GET 2000 PEOPLE IN A NICE GAFF WHO ARE THERE TO SEE ME. I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE THERE...
NOEL: WOAH. HANG ON A MINUTE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
LIAM: I DO.
NOEL: I HAVE A REPUTATION, ABOUT RIGHTING F*CKIN' GOOD SONGS. HAVING A GOOD SONG WRITER IN THE BAND IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE PROUD ABOUT.
LIAM: WELL I DON'T WANT YOU IN THE BAND, LA.
NOEL: ALRIGHT. WELL IF YOU'RE PROUD ABOUT HAVING SHITE SONGS, YOU'LL BE IN A CLUB BAND ALL YOUR LIFE. YOU WANNA BE A ROCK-STAR, RIGHT? NOT A NOBODY.
LIAM: YOU'RE ONLY GUTTED 'COS YOU WERE A F*CKIN' ROADIE WHILE I STARTED THIS F*CKIN' BAND...
NOEL: I'M NOT GUTTED AT ALL. IF YOU DON'T WANT ME IN YOUR BAND, IT'S YOUR OWN LOSS. YOU CAN STICK YOUR SHITE BAND UP YER ARSE 'TILL IT COMES OUT YOUR BIG TOE.
LIAM: I'M NOT UP FOR BEING SEEN AS A BAD BAND. I'M JUST UP FOR HAVING THE BAND RUN BY ME. AND WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, IS I'M GONNA WRITE MORE SONGS, 'COS I LIKE WRITING, I LOVE IT. I'M INTO IT.
NOEL: YOU CAN'T WRITE, YOU PRICK!
LIAM: WHO CAN'T WRITE? WELL F*CKIN' WHAT THE F*CK WERE WE PLAYING AT LAST NIGHT'S GIG? WE WERE PLAYING MY SONGS, DEAL WITH IT.
NOEL: BUT THEY WERE BULLSH*T. BULLSH*T. BULLSH*T. BULLSH*T!
LIAM: SHUT THE F*CK UP. WHAT YOU WRITE IS BULLSH*T TO ME.
NOEL: WHAT THE F*CK IS LIVE FOREVER THEN?
LIAM: WHO'S TALKING ABOUT LIVE FOREVER?
NOEL: IT'S ONE OF THE BEST F*CKIN' SONGS EVER WRITTEN.
LIAM: IT IS NOT. I THINK IT SUCKS, & YOU'VE ONLY PLAYED IT TO ME ONE TIME.
NOEL: YOU DON'T THINK IT SUCKS AT ALL. YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD SONG, BUT YOU JUST WON'T ADMIT IT.
LIAM: I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD SONG.
NOEL: THAT WAS YOUR QUOTE LAST NIGHT, YOU PRICK! IT'S SOOOOOO GOOD! IT'S SOOOOOOO GOOD!
LIAM: I WAS LAUGHING ABOUT IT. AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU CAN F*CK OFF. NOW I'M IN THIS BAND, & I'M WRITING THE SONGS, & YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A F*CKIN' ROADIE. -& I LAUGH ABOUT IT & I THINK, YEAH F*CKIN' GOOD, MAN..HE'S NOTHIN' BUT A ROADIE. THIS IS REALITY MATE.
NOEL: WHY ARE YOU BEING A BABY ABOUT THIS? A BAND SHOULD BE ABOUT MAKING GOOD MUSIC. IT'S NOT ABOUT GOING INTO F*CKIN' CLUBS & PLAYING F*CKIN' SHITE SONGS. (EXASPERATEDLY)WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME IN THE BAND & LET ME BE THE SONG WRITER OF OASIS?
LIAM: 'COS I DON'T WANT TO. IF I DID, THERE'S NOTHING THAT WOULD STOP ME.
NOEL: WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT?
LIAM: I'M ABOUT BEING...I'M ABOUT GOING DOWN THE F*CKIN'...I'M ABOUT...MUSIC! THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT.
NOEL: RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT. IF YOU LET ME IN THE BAND WE'LL HAVE GOOD SONGS & BE A BIG BAND.
LIAM: THE THING IS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA WRITE SONGS FOR THIS BAND.
NOEL: ARE YOU?
LIAM: YEAH. I AM.
NOEL: YOU MIGHT BE IN YOUR LITTLE WORLD, BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IF YOU THINK WHAT I WRITE IS BULLSH*T, I THINK WHAT YOU WRITE IS F*CKIN' BULLSH*T, MAN.
LIAM: WELL WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THEN? YOU WANT ME TO BE TEETOTAL & JUST LET YOU TAKE OVER THE BAND.
NOEL: SONGS! SONGS! SONGS! SONGS! SONGS! SONGS! IT'S ALL ABOUT HAVING A GOOD SONG WRITER!
LIAM: YOU'RE NO GOOD. YOU WANNA BE PAUL MCCARTNEY. ADMIT IT.
NOEL: LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T LET ME JOIN THE BAND. I'LL TELL AN EMBARRASSING SECRET ABOUT YOU. LET ME IN THIS BAND, OR I'LL TELL THE WORLD PRIVATE THINGS ABOUT YOU!
LIAM: AND WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON TELLING PEOPLE, YOU F*CKIN' DAFT BASTARD?
NOEL: I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOU WET YOURSELF UNTIL YOU WERE 17 YEARS OLD.
LIAM: YOU'RE GONNA TELL PEOPLE ABOUT A SITUATION THAT OCCURED YEARS AGO?
NOEL: YEAH. LET ME IN THE BAND OR I'LL TELL EVERYONE HOW YOU USED TO WET YOURSELF EVERY DAY, HOURLY. ......NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY TO ME?
LIAM: YEAH. JUST THE ONE THING.
NOEL: WHAT?
LIAM: WELCOME TO THE BAND.
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