I decided that it might best be accomplished by my telling you a little of my story. If you have read my bio page, you will know that I married an American and moved to Houston, Texas in 1982. I will not go into all the sordid details, but will give a brief outline.

Things started out like a fairy tale, we met while on vacation on the island of Cozumel and were married a year later, having written and 'phoned constantly and visited a couple of times. However, on my arrival in the US, I began to discover that things were not as perfect as I would have hoped. My husband, working in the printing industry, began to have trouble keeping jobs. He told me it was because of the industry in general, mass lay-offs etc, and I believed what he was telling me. Several times throughout our marriage he was off work for long periods of time and I was the only wage-earner. It never occurred to me that his occasional pot-smoking had escalated to something more. Call it blindness on my part, I don't know why I didn't see it happening. Possibly because when he was working, he worked night shift and we were apart a lot. It wasn't until he got a day time job that I began to notice certain strange habits he had. Disappearing for an hour or so and then retreating to his den when he returned etc.etc. At that point I realized that he was doing cocaine and begged him to stop. He always assured me it was not a problem and he could stop any time, but he did not. This went on for several years and it became evident that he was unable to keep a job because of his habit. In the end, as I approached my 40th birthday I did a lot of thinking. Is this what it's all about? Is this all there is? Should I go through the rest of my life married to this man for whom I no longer have any love and respect? I tried shocking him out of it, threatening to leave if he did not seek help. I tried supporting him more, including helping him start his own business, which faded into nothing in his apathy. In the end, I gave him a series of ultimatums and, when he ignored them, I finally took an apratment and left him.

My point in all this is, it was difficult for me to leave, but not nearly as difficult as it would have been had I beenthe mother of small children. He had never wanted children and I realize now that was because he was unable to handle the responsibilty. In a way, it was a blessing as I didn't have to worry about uprooting my children and breaking up the family, although, approaching 41 now, I find myself sorely grieving the fact that I never had children, and wondering if it is not too late to start a family.

Talking with my girlfriends since the separation I have been stunned to hear that several of them are in loveless marriages, simply because they can't afford to live on their own and support their children. But what if there was violence in their marriages - thankfully I don't think there is, but what of all the women who are stuck in a loveless, violent marriage? What are they to do?

In every city there are wonderful people willing to open their arms to these women and take them in and protect them from those who would hurt them. They are listed in every phone directory and I urge any woman who finds herself in this situation to look for help - it is out there. You never need think that you are alone and that you have to put up with abuse.

I have included a couple of useful links here, and will add to them as I continue my research.

In my case, I was lucky. there was no violence and I didn't have to worry about my children. I found the support I needed in my friends both locally and on IRC. Whenever I was down, there was someone to talk to. My heart goes out to those women who feel so alone and I urge you to seek help. No-one needs to live like that,

If this page encourages even one woman to seek the help she needs to get out of an abusive relationship, then I feel that it has been worth it. Thank you for listening to my story.

Update: I would like to briefly thank all the wonderful people, men and women alike, who have taken the time to read this page and offer me their support and encouragement. This last year has been a tough one financially and emotionally, but it has been the support of friends on the Internet and in Real Life that has kept me going.