Plot:
On a dark and stormy night, in a rundown mansion, we hear a woman screaming and running. She hides from some creature that arms reach through the
wall. Through the kitchen, up the stairs, it finally grabs here. Creepy old woman with a shotgun starts vaguely religiously ranting before shoots the thing.
In the town of Fairwater, a funeral procession begins. In the local newspaper office, they are researching why 30 healthy people have died from heart attacks. We
learn in 1964, there was a murder spree in the town. The editor sends Steve the reporter to investigate.
At the cemetery, Frank is passing out business cards to the people at the burial. He is a psychic investigator. Eventually is thrown out of the cemetery. He drives
away and runs into a Ray Lynskey’s fence and yard. Ray throws a fit, a big fit.
Hot Chick, also known as Doctor Lucy drives up to the ramshackle mansion for a house-call. Mrs. Bradley has a very creepy resemblance to Lionel’s mother
from Dead Alive. Lucy tends to the woman who was screaming and being chased from the beginning of the movie. Mrs. Bradley refuses for her daughter
Patricia to leave the house. Lucy spots a large bruise on Patricia’s neck, thinking Mrs. Bradley caused it. She throws Lucy out. Patricia is not to be trusted, she’s a
murderer.
Lucy watches news footage of the aftermath of the shooting spree in 1962. 12 people killed by John Charles Bartlett (Jake Busey). No one knows why he went
on a killing spree. 15 year Patricia was implicated, in love with Johnny. Ray is Lucy’s husband. We have tension. John Bartlett was executed. Patricia was
sentenced to life but given a conditional release 5 years ago. Ray finds another one of Frank’s card. The lights start flickering. The bed begins to levitate. Ray and
Lucy are understandably upset by this. She calls Frank who on his way in crashes through more of the fence. HE begins inspecting the place. Frank will take care
of the ghosts for not having to pay for the fence. Ray reluctantly agrees.
Frank sets up some kind of device and carries a water pistol filled with holy water. He claims to have the ghosts in a little bag. Ray can’t believe any of
this. Frank sees a number on Ray’s head. Ray has Frank leave. We see the thing behind the wall.
Frank drives back to his rundown house. Stuart the ghost and Cyrus the ghost climb out of the trunk. Frank isn’t happy they did such a lousy haunting. The next
day, Frank fixes breakfast while the ghosts are just chilling. Judge (John Astin) starts shooting at a ghost dog that has his lower jaw. Hilarity ensues. Judge gets his
jaw back, thinking about going back to the cemetery. He’s old and falling apart. Judge also complains that Frank never finishes anything.
Why you should sneeze with your mouth wide open.
Cyrus and Stuart haunt a mansion. Suddenly, babies are flying through the air. The maid and the rich lady are properly freaked. One of the baby’s has Frank’s
cards. Frank gets the call. Rich lady has a cutout article about conman Frank and has him leave.
Frank talks with editor of the newspaper. She claims he’s preying on people. Well, he is but, he’s Marty McFly. It’s his job.
Leaving the newspaper office, Frank sees another funeral procession. Frank runs into a ghost. It’s Ray who can’t believe he’s dead. Frank explains the facts of
death. Ray tells how his heart was squeezed until he couldn’t breathe. Frank takes Ray to the cemetery to see his funeral.
We get the R. Lee Ermey cameo. It is supposed to be the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. Ever want to see the ghost of R. L Ermey call Michael
J. Fox scum, etc..? This is your chance. Frank heads to see Ray’s funeral from a distance.
Ray starts bawling at the eulogy. Sheriff Walt talks with Frank. The FBI is going to investigate the suspicious deaths. The arteries are clear of the victims. It’s
like the life is crushed out of them. Frank leaves. Lucy stops Frank, she believes in his abilities. Frank is real quiet, tells her that Ray loves her.
That night, at a local restaurant, Frank and Lucy are having dinner. Ray is along, too. Frank was an architect until a car accident endowed him with the ability to
see and hear ghosts. Lucy wasn’t very happy with her marriage to Ray, gotten awfully rocky. Ray is mad that Frank isn’t trying to help him more with Lucy. “Dude,
you’re a ghost and she’s hot chick that needs Marty McFly lovin' sooner than later.”
Frank spots another guy with a number on his forehead. Thing is crawling behind the wall. Guy is disturbed by Frank. Thing gets the guy and leaves. The guy
becomes a ghost when a tunnel appears taking him to the afterlife. Frank leaves the restaurant following the Thing.
How do I get back to 1985?
The cops arrive at the scene. Frank was there when it happened. They question Lucy. Frank is to be brought in.
Frank is chasing after the Thing, gets away.
The police question Lucy. Special agent Milton Dammers of the FBI tries questioning her. Lucy yells at him who becomes sick. This fruitcake makes Mulder
seem well-adjusted. Sheriff thinks Frank is behind the murders. Lucy knows Frank is nice guy. Milton is a FBI paranormal investigator, thinking Frank is a
fake. 5 years ago, Frank was in a car accident with his wife that killed her. Milton’s paranoid theory concerns a utility knife. Frank killed her and carved the number
13 into her forehead.
Stuart, Cyrus, and Judge are talking. Judge thinks the black robed thing is the Soul Collector. For my intents and purposes, I’ll consider him Death or the Grim
Reaper. Frank spots a tunnel of light appear to take a spirit to the afterlife. He rushes to the museum. Frank sees the spirit transcend, had a number on its
forehead. Frank sees a number on the Editor’s head. He tries warning her. She takes it as a threat as the cops arrive.
Frank has guns drawn on him, seeing Grim Reaper arrive heading to Edith. When Judge arrives, he opens fire shooting hot lead at Grim Reaper who
disappears. Judge hops in a sarcophagus for some lovin’. Stuart and Cyrus create a distraction as cops open fire at an approaching mummy which leads Frank to
escape.
Grim Reaper returns and scythes Judge to “absolute death.” Frank grabs Editor and leaves. Grim Reaper chases after Frank who drives away. Stuart and Cyrus
stall the cops from chasing Frank.
Grim Reaper is on top of Frank’s car. He’s definitely trying to get at the Editor. Frank has a flashback to the car accident 5 years ago. Editor runs off. Grim
Reaper grabs her and kills her. The ghost of the Editor arises accusing Frank of killing her before heading to the afterlife.
Frank shows up at the police department. Milton has him arrested. Lucy thinks Frank is innocent. He tells her he doesn’t care as Lucy leaves.
Milton forces the Sheriff to leave and begins questioning Frank. He rants about how a woman who can stop a frog’s heart. Frank tells him about Grim Reaper
and seeing spirits. Milton doesn’t believe him, accusing Frank of murdering his wife. Suddenly, Milton thinks that Frank is about to stop his heart. But, Milton is safe
because of his lead chest plate to protect his heart.
This helps to support and shapen
Lucy heads to Frank’s incomplete house. Ray is following her. Mrs. Bradley calls Frank. Patricia is acting up and communicating with the evil one, again. She
needs Frank’s help. Lucy sneaks into the Bradley house. Ray sees house, starting to look malevolent like Amityville house.
Lucy looks for Patricia and finds her. She thinks Mrs. Bradley is hurting her. In Lucy’s room, she is forced to keep the urn of her father’s ashes. Lucy is taken
to Patricia’s mother’s room.
Lucy believes that Patricia is innocent. She tries to get her to leave the house again. Mrs. Bradley heads to her room. Lucy hides in the closet and discovers a
utility knife which the one Milton mentioned earlier. Lucy sneaks out of the house. The urn bubbles over. The thing follows after her. Ray runs in the house and is
“killed” by the Grim Reaper.
Police station, Lucy visits Frank. Told about the knife, Frank ignores it. We get a touching scene. Frank sees a number of Lucy’s forehead. Grim Reaper comes
for her. Frank tries stopping him. Cyrus and Stuart tackle the Grim Reaper out of the jail cell. Ghost fight ensues. Grim Reaper “kills” Stuart. Lucy and Frank
escape the cell. They run into Milton. The Grim Reaper is behind Lucy and Frank. Cyrus tackles the Grim Reaper. Lucy distracts Milton. Cyrus is “killed.”
Frank can’t protect Lucy. He has to have an out of body experience. He’s going to shoot himself. Lucy has another idea. She injects him with something and
lowers his body temperature. While Frank waits, Lucy prepares the equipment to revive him. Milton appears and won’t let the Lucy open the door.
Frank becomes a ghost. The tunnel appears for him. He heads away for it.
Milton handcuffs Lucy. He drives her away. Ghost Frank follows them. He sees the Grim Reaper after Lucy. Milton heads to the cemetery. Milton has various
occult symbols carved into his body. Lucy is trying to escape from the car. Milton begins ranting again. Suddenly, the car begins to start driving without anyone
behind the driver's seat. It is Frank. But, Milton thinks he’s doing it with his mind.
Suddenly, Sergeant R. Lee Ermey pulls Frank out of the car and tosses him in a grave. Grim Reaper goes after him. Ermey opens fire with his machine
guns. But, Grim Reaper goes through him like a hot knife through butter. Reaper heads after Lucy. Frank comes to the rescue with Sergeant’s guns. Lucy is able to
get out of the car and grabbed by Milton. She clocks him a good one.
Feel my wrath, Skippy from Family Ties!!!
Lucy sees the time and drives back to hospital where Frank needs to be revived soon. Frank keeps using the guns and has Grim Reaper into several pieces. He
demands to know who it is. It is Johnny Bartlett. Several ghosts in the cemetery thank Frank for avenging them. Johnny oozes into the ground. Frank is fighting the
reforming Johnny. Frank has the scythe, using on him as Frank returns to the land of the living.
Frank tells Lucy about Johnny Bartlett and wants her to Patricia out of the house. Lucy heads to the Bradley place. Mrs. Bradley wants Patricia to stay. They
run upstairs to discuss things while Lucy waits. She tells Patricia that Johnny Bartlett is back. Patricia knows. Johnny is talking with Patricia. Johnny wants to break
various serial killer records. Lucy sees Patricia caressing the air like a cheek. Patricia is going to kill Lucy. Lucy heads upstairs to check on Mrs. Bradley and finds
her dead.
Patricia charges at her with a kitchen knife. Lucy escapes. But, Patricia has her mother’s shotgun now. Johnny possesses the ground grabbing Lucy as Frank
tries grabbing him. They are running from the crazed Patricia. Frank captures Johnny in the urn. They need to get Johnny’s ashes to a church, running to the
abandoned nearby sanitarium looking for the chapel. Frank is trapped in the past. Lucy sees him walking in a daze. Frank watches Johnny’s killing spree as Frank is
no longer seeing the past but then starts seeing the killing spree begin.
Patricia is chasing after them. Frank keeps seeing the killing spree as Patricia is extremely maniacal. Milton grabs Lucy who smacks him around. She uses the
elevator and is on the next floor. Patricia is hunting after Frank. The noise of the elevator draws Patricia away from Frank’s hiding place.
Frank heads to the chapel, barred shut. Lucy is in the stuck elevator, has him take the urn. He breaks the chapel door down. The urn flies through the air, grabbed
by Milton. He spills the ashes and readies to shoot Frank. Patricia is behind Frank with a gun. Frank falls through the several stories as Patricia’s aim is
surer. Blowing Milton’s head clean off.
Am I auditioning for Darrin Stevens for the Bewitched movie?
Patricia is after Lucy. Frank is hurt fairly bad. Lucy manages to find him. Patricia knocks her unconscious. We get a flashback to Frank’s car accident when
his wife was killed. Johnny killed her, and Patricia carved the number on her forehead. Patricia is out of ammo and beats Frank with the butt of the shotgun.
Johnny is about to kill Lucy. Frank falls over. Patricia picks out implement to kill Lucy. Ghost Frank grabs Patricia’s spirit from her body. The tunnel appears as
Frank is pulled up. Johnny follows. Frank is keeping them apart. He tosses Patricia to Johnny. Frank arrives at the afterlife at the end of the tunnel.
Frank sees Stuart and Cyrus. The tunnel changes from a glowing blue tunnel into tentacles that attack Johnny and Patricia are devoured in the belly of the beast as
it heads to hell.
Frank is looking around the afterlife. He meets his wife Debra who wants him to get on with his life. Frank’s time isn’t up yet.
Lucy is over Frank’s body as he awakens.
Frank is tearing his incomplete house down. Lucy and Frank are on a picnic when Sheriff pulls up. The police discover that Patricia was using Ouija boards to
communicate with Johnny. He also wants to collaborate with Frank on a book. Frank isn’t interested. Apparently, Milton is following the Sheriff around. Lucy can
see spirits now, too. She chases after him as we get a cover of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by the Mutton Birds.
