Bad Taste (1987)

Cast:

Pete O'Herne is Barry
Mike Minnett is Frank
Terry Potter is Ozzy
Peter "Directed a little movie called Lord of the Rings" Jackson is Derek, Robert
Craig Smith is Giles the Collector

What the box says:

When an army of evil aliens invade earth with the intention of selling mankind as intergalactic hamburger meat, the New Zealand government calls in the elite team of pyschotic assassins. But are these boys brutal enough to tackle the vilest villains in the universe? Get ready for the ultimate battle of flying guts, splattering brains, exploding sheep and guzzling vomit. This is more than just one of the greatest - and most disgusting - horror comedies ever made. This is Bad Taste!

You have never seen anything like Bad Taste! This legendary low-budget debut from producer/director/co-writer/star Peter Jackson is packed with all the outrageous action, senseless violence and sick humor that has made it one of the most radical cult classics of all time. Restored and newly transferred from the original vault materials, Bad Taste is now presented completely uncut, uncensored and unrated in all its gory glory!

Plot:

Someone makes a desperate phone call for help. Invaders have killed the people in a small town. The powers that be want covert action taken. The Boys are to be called in....

Barry is being chased by a maniacal axe-wielding lunatic. He pulls out his gun. A headshot later, slows the axe wielder down before falling over.

Derek is watching as Bette Midler might say “from a distance.” He has a problem with drooling, too.

Giles the collector is driving to the small town of Kaihoro.

Barry hides the body. Apparently, the boys have one live specimen. Barry keeps searching the town though it is completely deserted.

Giles is still driving to Kaihoro.

Barry wants Derek to contact the rest of the team. They know a charity collector will be heading to town.

The goons start attacking Barry who loses his gun and radio. He does manage to display the better part of valor by getting out of Dodge.

Derek calls Frank and Ozzy.

Derek checks on the prisoner. He gets a hammer and steel spike and prepares to interrogate the bearded goon, Robert.

Barry has hidden in a shed that the goons surround. Miles away, as Derek drives the spike into Robert’s foot, he lets out a cry that draws all the other goons to the cry.

The goons trudge towards where Derek is. Barry can’t warn him.

Derek pulls out the spike.

Barry finds his radio and warns Derek of the incoming goons.

As the blue jean and work shirt clad goons approach, Derek whips out his Uzi. He runs out of ammo before any goons get into firing range. Derek perforates a goon. By this point, we start to think that Derek is a bit of a trigger-happy sadistic psychopath. The Uzi is wedged in the chest of the goon. Derek is swinging his gun around with an alien corpse stuck on it. He manages to wipe out a few more aliens.

2 sledge hammer goons have trapped Derek without any more clips. Derek manages to go after a clip on the edge of a cliff. He discovers that Robert has escaped. While loading the Uzi, Robert fights him and knocks him down the cliff. There’s a big splat on the rocks below.

Barry can’t stop Robert who runs right past him to escape.

Giles is on the edge of town.

Frank and Ozzy close the road off.

Great sign to keep people away. Isn’t that a little too late for some? Barry reports that Derek is dead. Barry will try to follow where the goon ran.

Giles is making his rounds before noticing something is wrong. He spots a goon chowing down on a dead guy. Giles is beating feet to get out of town. The goon chases after him. Giles gets to his car and the goon’s hand is caught in the window. Giles manages to drive off, and the goon escapes.

Barry is still trailing the alien. He finds a house and sees Giles rush to the door. A large guy in a chef’s hat knock’s Giles out and drags him inside.

Later, Giles awakens in a pot of water and vegetables with an apple in his mouth.

They're going to get the gimp from Pulp Fiction. The Old Guy will have Giles for lunch tomorrow. Humanity will be the newest taste sensation.

Derek awakens…Derek awakens…He fell off a cliff. How can he be alive? Birds are pecking at him. He has a patch of skull that is open. Part of his brain falls out. He stuffs the loose pieces back inside his head. Derek slowly staggers away…

Barry and Frank are surveying the house.

Derek stumbles to his car. He uses a hat to hold his head together.

Barry, Frank, and Ozzy are about to infiltrate the house. They ready their guns. The plan is to rescue Giles and then call for reinforcements.

Old Guy welcomes his goons. All of them must remain in human forms no matter what.

The intrepid A.I.D.S. team sneaks into the house.

Old Guy reports that some of the aliens have been killed.

Our heroes find the stacked boxes of the missing people. They over hear the Old Guy’s plan. They kill a goon that stumbles upon them. Frank takes his clothes and is dressed as a goon.

Frank is among the goons. Old Guy will use humans to regain the top market share for a galactic fast food chain. Robert starts puking a fluorescent green liquid into the bowl Frank is holding. Old Guy partakes of the bowl.

I don't have any hair gel on my nose. The bowl is being passed around to the goons. Frank is trying to get away inconspicuously. He gets the bowl and drinks enough to allay suspicion.

After the aliens call it a night, the team frees Giles. It is pitch black. However, by the time they get to the door, it is daylight. Robert and the other goons are on guard.

The team is searching the house. After shooting a goon, it is open season on the bastards. Massive machine gunning ensues…Frank and Giles are upstairs and don’t find Old Guy who is hiding.

Derek awakens again to find that a bird has bombed him again.

And, you say the Beatles never reunited... He starts his car that has possibly the most unusual cameos in the history of movies.

A gunfight breaks out. Barry and Ozzy aren’t chewing gum. Ozzy can’t find where who is shooting at him. After riddling a tree with bullets, several goons fall out of the tree dead.

Frank is trying to lead Giles to safety. Suddenly, Frank has to contend with Chef Goon. He barely escapes. However, Giles is gone.

Derek is heading towards the house when he loses his hat and more brains.

Frank gets the drop on the goon that has captured Giles.

Derek uses his belt to hold his head together and finds his missing brains under his shoe.

The team and Giles are still under fire.

Derek is driving like the madman he is when he runs over a goon. Derek gets out his chainsaw. The goon is able to keep Derek away by chucking pine cones at him.

The crew is still under fire.

The Old Guy is out and about.

Barry is shooting at Old Guy. The goons drive Barry off. While being chased, Barry finishes off the grueling spewing Robert.

Apparently, Old Guy has been hit and is in pain. He begins transforming into his alien form.

The team and Giles gets away.

The goons have changed. Old Guy orders the goons to ready the ship and kill the humans.

We've got to watch out for a pissed hippo with a machine gun...

The heroes get to the car and drive away from the goons chasing. When the car dies, they head for the woods. Ozzy will go after the aliens. He gets the crate from the trunk. While the aliens are investigating the car, Ozzy preps his rocket launcher. After he blows up Frank’s car, he heads back to the house.

Frank is going after Ozzy. He wants Barry to call for help and watch out for Giles.

At the house, the aliens ready the ship for launch.

Ozzy manages to blow up half the house with the rocket launcher. Frank catches up with him and wants to take out Old Guy once for all. Both of them rush back into the house.

Derek finally arrives at the house.

Frank and Ozzy are taking care of business.

Chainsaw massacring ensues by our insane psychotic Derek.

Old Guy hasn’t been found yet.

Derek liberates some brains from a dead alien for himself.

A goon gets the drop on Frank and Ozzy when Derek comes to the rescue. If by rescue, completely insane maniac with change saw is screaming about bastards.

Frank and Ozzy manage to get out of the house, and Ozzy is shot in the leg. Frank readies the rocket launcher’s last shell. Unfortunately, the shot misses the house and takes out a sheep. Yes, they blow up a sheep….

Derek finds the Old Guy who retreats into the command center of the ship. Old Guy readies the ship to launch. Frank and Ozzy are trying to get clear.

As the Old Guy prepares to blast off, Frank and Ozzy keep running. Derek gets his chainsaw as the house lifts off.

Frank and Ozzy watch as the house flies away.

Derek awakens and realizes he is in outer space.

The Old Guy tries calling his home planet. He begins searching the house.

Derek uses his chainsaw to cut his way through the Old Guy. Derek crawls away from the mess.

Derek is in the command chair. He will be going after the bastards. He has the Old Guy’s skin as a disguise.

Back on Earth, Derek’s car stops. Frank and Ozzy pick up Barry and Giles. As they drive away, we hear the “Bad Taste” theme song play.

What I say:

One of my rules about my reviews is to avoid the movies that seem to be on every other b-movie site. That doesn't mean if one other site has a review it automatically becomes off limits to me. Sometimes, the more reviewed movies need to be touched on too. Special circumstances require special non-short bus reviews. The 2nd anniversary of Side Order or Ninjas is one of those instances. These more widely reviewed movies are harder to review. Originality is harder on a movie so widely known throughout the B-movie community. How many fast food jokes have you seen used about Bad Taste? It is so hard to keep from using "Caucasian, it's what for dinner." In fact this review seems to delve more into my thoughts than most of my other reviews.

Imagine you and your friends go out for 4 years to film a movie over the weekends. The plot is about a small paramilitary unit battling a group of aliens that want to turn humanity into the next big intergalactic fast food sensation. Slowly, you get your movie together and it starts to gain in popularity. 15 years later, you are in a tuxedo accepting an Oscar. In your acceptance speech, you mention a small low-budget movie that started everything. A small thing called Bad Taste. OK, the idea of an introduction to a movie like this is hard to write. What do I have to say that hasn't been posted on a 1000 other websites? We'll see how much I can come up with by the time I abandon trying to write a conclusion.

Please bear with me, this autobiographical story does have a connection to the movie. Long ago when I was in high school, I got a catalog showing the new products comic book stores could order. None of them I visited carried the small comic book company books, anime videos, movies, etc...On a page in black and white, I saw an ad for a movie about an alien invasion determined to turn humanity into the next fast food craze. One small band of commandos stands against them. I'm sure you can guess this was ad for Bad Taste. The story continues. The only Fangoria magazine I ever bought was an issue that had several articles about Army of Darkness, the Refrigerator(.......I am the waffle king......), and Dead Alive. Yes, Peter Jackson's other splatterstick classic. I managed to tape Dead Alive off Cinemax one night...Sweet merciful zombie fu....Over the years, I had heard more about his other movies. Sort of like my years long quest to find a copy of Army of Darkness on VHS, I never could find any of the Peter Jackson movies around. The tragedy of living in rural Arkansas rears its ugly head...

The DVD revolution released many movies that were almost impossible to find on VHS. I finally got Bad Taste on DVD. After watching it, it just didn't seem that memorable to me. I had cut my teeth on Dead Alive and was expecting more something like it. A couple of years later, when I watched it for this review, it got better. It seemed to click and catch on all the right gears. I was more receptive to it. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I saw Derek was running around dressed as a homicidal and grungy Doctor Who (Tom Baker era...) who went around slaughtering aliens with a chainsaw.

I'm sure I wasn't the only person who had this reaction when learning Peter Jackson would direct the Lord of the Rings trilogy. How did he manage to do it? How does a director go from the Frighteners to possibly the most definitive fantasy series of the 20^th Century? Granted, I did post my review of the Frighteners right after the Oscars. I thought it was an appropriate movie at the time.

True splatterstick has only a few great movies: Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, Re-Animator, Bad Taste, Dead Alive, Return of the Living Dead. I'm sure that several others could and should be included, just going off the top of my head. I don't count Evil Dead as splatterstick. It is an attempt at a serious horror movie that has some humorous moments.

A pantheon of splatterstick heroes would have to include Ash, Herbert West, and Derek. Ash is so manly as to cut off his own demonically possessed hand. Herbert West has to be included for his ability to just think of everything as an inconvenience. I'm sorry that your girlfriend was fondled by a severed head. However, we have work to do.... That leaves us with Derek. Derek...Hail this man..Hail to the King...I think Ash would agree with such a compliment. A man that may not have to sever any demon inhabited body parts. A man that is about as far from coldly logical as a hyper 6 year old on a sugar rush in Willy Wonka's factory. This is a man that has brains fall out of his head. He will scrape any brains and use them for his. Zombies may have to eat brains. Do they have to replace what grey matter they possess? A man so consumed with rage he refuses to die so he can go after the "Bastards." Did Ash ever wear the skin of his enemy to go to their home planet?

A few moves have truly epic theme songs that seem appropriate. The Blob's theme has a 1950s vibe and actually was relevant to the movie. While the psychedelic rock theme for Green Slime has the late 1960s dirty hippie acid rock feel, it sort of connects to the movie with the completely insane concept of the story. The 1970s had a lot of the cool Blaxsploitation themes like Shaft or Truck Turner. That brings us to the theme for Bad Taste that has the 1980s feel to it. I listen to the song and think that I shouldn't enjoy it so much. However, it is just cheezy enough to not get on my nerves and nowhere near that bubblegum pop that nearly rotted the ears out of far too many people in the late 90s.

This movie isn't the greatest thing ever filmed. The shootout at the house lags. The humans and aliens are such bad shots they need to be recruited as Imperial storm troopers. The gun effects didn't bother me. A movie on such a tight budget can't afford to have muzzle flashes and intricate staging for action scenes. The bigger budget a movie has the less we are willing to forgive its mistakes. "With X million of dollars, they should be able to have gotten someone better than that for the movie."

For such a tiny budgeted movie, Bad Taste has been ripped off by far larger budgeted movies. Cannibalism (ok, it wouldn't be with aliens eating people, just the closest term) and profits isn't a new idea thanks to movies like Motel Hell and Undertaker and his Pals. The cattle leg shooting in Battlefield Earth is probably the most widely know rip-off.

The effects aren't state of the art. All of the destruction to the house the aliens are in was miniature of the house. Normally, miniatures are fairly easy to spot. The gore effects aren't realistic. Do they need to be? It helps give the movie an almost Looney Toons version of anatomy. It helps give the movie a deeper feel of it existing in a 3 Stooges with Chainsaws alternate reality instead of the universe where we get hurt if stub our toes.

Originality is a word that is getting harder and harder to find in movies. Terribly original or ferocious are good terms for Peter Jackson's early movies. I have a lot of respect for the Lord of the Rings movies and hold high hopes for King Kong, too. I do have a dearer spot in my ninjaliscious ravenged body for Dead Alive. A tiny, no budget movie from New Zealand is released and slowly gains a cult following. An alien fast food company has come to Earth to use humans in their newest recipe. However, Bad Taste throws in enough manic and maniac gunfighting to impress the corpse of Sam Peckinpaw. The movie isn't a flash in the pan. Meet the Feebles and Dead Alive follow and are bigger cult classics.

Quotable Dialogue
"The head shots, the only true stopper..."
"I just hope we'e got time to save the world."
"I'm a Derek, and Dereks don't run."
"Maybe they haven't seen Star Trek, Ozzy."
"Oh, I get it just in case we kill alot of innocent people."
"I see the gruel is ready."
Exquistite bouquet, Robert."
"Aren't I lucky I got a chunky bit?"
"Ever been in a gun battle?"
Morals of the Story
Fingers make excellent lighters.
Skulls ae excellent battering rams.
Aliens are easy to trick into thinking they are shot.
Commandoes love to mop.
Human heads can substitute for soccer balls.
Nights are very short in New Zealand.
Aliens love to play pattycake.