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Last Samurai (1989)



Cast:

Lance "What was I doing in KNIGHTS directed by Albert Pyun?" Henriksen is Johnny Congo
John Fujioka is Yasujiro Endo
John "I knew Bruce Lee" Saxon is Haroun Al-Hakim
Duncan "Zorro" Regehr is Bill
James Ryan is Miyagawa


What the box says:

Japanese multimillionaire, Yasujiro Endo journeys to Africa to find the truth about a Samurai ancestor who disappeared two centuries ago and to find the true spirit of the Samurai in himself. While on safari with mercenary Johnny, he bumps into a business acquitance also on safari, except he is actually in the midst of a covert arms deal. Endo and Johnny are now in the way, and must reach deep within themselves and come to terms with their personal demons to summon the strength for their fight to the finish. They confront their inner selves, and both discover their true nature is that of the Samurai.


Plot:

In black and white, we see birds flying. 2 guys in body armor with face protectors spar with wooden swords as the ocean crashes against the shore in the background. 1 guy kills the other. He takes his mask off and bows to the dead guy. The credits visit along with cheesy saxophone music.

Miyagawa meets with his boss, Yasujiro Endo, who looks like the survivor of the wood sword battle from the previous scene. He has some business in Africa, and is looking for someone, too. Plot point.

Close-up of a map of Africa, landscape desert scrub, savannahs, etc… Truck drives over a bridge. Johnny Congo! (Lance Henriksen!!!) is being searched by customs. Lady-friend (not sure if they ever used her name) is searched too. Endo’s limo is flagged to just keep going. Congo is given a 5 day permit for something, never say what it is.

Congo’s jeep passes Endo’s limo. The limo pulls into the resort casino hotel Congo is staying at, too. Endo checks in and approves of the room.

Congo is about to hit the slot machines.

Endo wants to go on safari while in Africa.

In Congo’s room, he’s downing the mini-bar. Lady-friend chews him out. Congo has a U.S. Marine logo tattooed across the back of his neck. Later, in the casino, he’s playing blackjack losingly. Endo is a few tables away winning up a storm. He watches Congo who wins for a change. Endo leaves. Later on Lady-friend and Congo are talking.

Endo’s business with the mining company has been handled. It concerns soap silicon which makes the best computer chip, semiconductor, microchips. I’m not sure and refuse to recheck. Miyagawa learns that rebel forces control the mountains. They’ll need a pilot to fly them there. Miyagawa meets with Congo.

Endo calls the bearded John Saxon who is Haroun Al-Hakim mentioning the safari. Endo has the transportation arranged. John Saxon is up to something. I cannot accept him as an Arabic arms dealer.

Later, Endo takes a walk and talks with Lady-friend while Congo is playing blackjack.

The next day, Endo and Miyagawa are practicing with wooden swords. Congo refuses the job. Endo raises his offer to $10,000. Congo grabs one of the swords talks about how guns are better. Endo goes off on a hissy-fit about the way of the samurai.

Helicopter flight, we see giraffes as they fly over the savannah. Endo thinks he sees his ancestor who vanishes. They land at Saxon’s camp. Endo meets Saxon’s wife Sarah and ranger Bill. Small world is reveled when learn that Congo knows Bill.

Lady-friend takes a bath giving us the only acceptable nudity in this movie. Sarah isn’t happy with Congo being there. At dinner, Sarah reveals she’s writing a book on mercenaries. Saxon and Endo have a discussion of honor in Japan and the Middle East. Saxon leaves to make some business calls. Endo leaves. Sarah leaves rather than tolerate Congo.

Miyagawa is playing chess with Saxon. Sarah checks on the captured leopard. Endo walks up and a discussion of reincarnation assails us. Endo believes he was once a samurai who came to Africa, hundreds of years ago. He came to find his ancestor. Later, Miyagawa and Saxon do a little night archery.

Sarah has a nightmare of the tents aflame, leopards, tribal dancing, and a vision of her dying. She awakens and is very sick, too. Saxon is afraid of losing her. He starts talking how things are starting to go bad for him.

That morning, the leopard is set free. The helicopter is broken down. Congo cannot fix it. He drives to camp and tells Endo. Endo wants Congo to drive him wherever. Endo storms off. Congo almost runs over Endo. Congo demands $20,000. The 2 trucks drive away. Saxon calls someone about everything going according to plan.

Saxon’s tent is attacked by rebels. Jeeps hear the gunfire, a guy runs away. Congo tackles him. Rebels drive up. Endo keeps Miyagawa from unloading with his bow. They are captured by the rebels. The tent is plundered then set afire.

Congo and everyone else is marched to the river then board a boat. Endo enjoys the scenery. Saxon sells guns to both sides of the conflict. Miyagawa admits to Endo not related to any samurais. Endo knew and was impressed that Miyagawa would risk being revealed as a liar to work for Endo.

When, the boat docks, Congo dives into the river to escape. The rest get in a truck while Congo gets to the other side of the river and running. The rest are driven to the rebel base and locked in a stockade. Endo feels he’s been here before. Some rebels are beating other rebels’ feet for punishment. General, rebel leader, tells them how they were captured without his permission. Everyone thinks Congo didn’t make it. Endo thinks Congo will rescue them.

The General talks with his adviser.

Next day, Endo and Miyagawa are practicing blind wooden sword fighting.

The rebels search for Congo who kills them. He takes their weapons.

Saxon meets with the General. Everything is prepared. Saxon wants Endo released. The General has his weapons order ready. Saxon refuses to bring in the stuff, draw too much attention. The General threatens to reveal to Endo that the kidnapping was a sham. Saxon refuses to be threatened and leaves.

Saxon returns to the stockade. His wife, Sarah, is even sicker. The rebels take her away. Endo senses the rebels want to help her. He can read minds, too?

Swimming Congo, he finds a skull and an old Japanese sword. By the way, we have way too much naked Lance Henriksen, now which is any nakedity at all.

The General talks with Endo. He’ll be released if he transfers money to the General’s bank accounts. Endo refuses to do it, proud samurai moment.

Gallows are built outside the stockade. A truck returns with the rebels Congo killed. The General gives a lot of angry orders.

Congo is cleaning the sword.

Lady-friend lies beside Bill. She’s worried that Congo won’t make it and, she’s fallen out of love with Congo, too.

Sarah is awakened by the General’s advisor, witch doctor. He claims to know her from America and, she won’t need any more pills been cured. The General tells her that Saxon sold weapons to him. The entire kidnapping was orchestrated to make Saxon still seem respectable.

Back in the stockade, she asks Saxon what other secrets he’s kept from her. Endo over-hears all this.

The General meets with Endo who refuses to budge. The General leaves.

Saxon blames everything on Endo for coming. Sarah thinks Endo will save them. Saxon vows to get them pout of this mess himself.

The next day, Bill is released to get the weapons. Congo spots the truck leaving the base. When the truck stops, Congo kills the guards and learns that Bill was to get the weapons which will secure the hostages release. Congo isn’t happy about trading arms for hostages. Bill can’t believe Congo is crazy enough to rescue anyone.

Congo has a monkey. Too bad the monkey doesn’t appear anymore. They talk about some guy who saved them back in Nam.

Endo is flying a flag in the stockade. The General is now wearing some sort of tribal wear. They’re going to have a hanging.

Bill sees the sword while Congo readies for the attack.

At the rebel base, Endo and Miyagawa are to be hanged. Lady-friend thinks that the General will go through with it no matter what Saxon does. They hear a truck approaching, gunfire. Congo is throwing grenades, crashes through the stockade. Congo and Bill are gunning down the rebels.

Lady-friend, Sarah, and Saxon get to the truck. Endo and Miyagawa are freed. The General actually calls Congo an Evil Spirit. Congo has a gun on the General while Endo is finishing the rebels.

Endo gets his sword and marches off. The General is glaring at them. Another truck arrives, firefight and explosions ensue. The General is doing something, too dark to see.

Miyagawa kung fues more guards. Saxon has a rifle, falls over shot dead. Sarah cries over her dead husband. Congo is shot can barely stand.

The General tries catching Endo. In the dark, he sees Endo dressed as a samurai. Endo uses the sword effectively, killing the General with one blow.

Bill finds the wounded Congo and helps him to his feet. They hear gunfire in the distance. Congo heads for the stockade and is shot by a rebel. Lady-friend rushes to him crying as he dies.

Endo and Miyagawa bow to each other as the sun rises.

That day, the rebel base is in ruins. Lady-friend and Sarah are talking. Bill places a blanket over Congo and Saxon. Endo and Miyagawa walk off into the wilderness.


What I say:

So did anyone think I was going to review the Tom Cruise movie that was released this week? Well, it sort of dawned on me to try to get this review up the week of the actual release of a movie that hopefully is better than it's predecessor. This was a chore to watch. The plot from the box doesn’t sound bad, typical cheesy action movie. Low budget action, few gunfights, cool mercenary type, etc…What could go wrong? Pretty much everything in this movie. I have no idea what wrong with this to make it so bad. I don't like ripping a movie apart, unless truly angered by it. Don't know what took every decent thing out of this movie and made it suck worse than Vanilla Ice doing the Ninja Rap. "Go Ninja, Go Ninja..."

Any characters that didn’t aggravate me? Johnny Congo? Bill? Miyagawa? Endo? Haroun Al-Hakim? Sarah? Lady-friend, whose name, was never mentioned? General? No. There was only the monkey in one shot that was a likable character. I am surprised they were able to create a likable monkey in this movie. It is hard to create an entire cast that doesn't really have a single character that is redeeming. Can't think of movie off the top of my head where I was hoping the entire cast was eaten by raptors, flying marmosets, something painful and embarrassing.

Lance Henriksen, how could you betray me? I’ve been thinking his appearance in Knights was bad. An Albert Pyun movie is bad, but at least it had a midget wearing a Kris Kristofferson mask. This movie had too much talking. Lance is surly in this film. It’s not been long since I watched Near Dark. That was such a good movie to maybe make this one seem even worse.

Arabic John Saxon. No, no…It’s wrong on so many dimensions it can’t be graphed in any way for us 3-dimensional life forms to understand. This was the guy from Enter the Dragon and far too many other movies to list here. I could accept Richard Lynch doing this role. Because, Richard Lynch has played more ethnic roles than Sean Connery. But, John Saxon, no…He’s as Arabic as Sonny Chiba is.

John Fujioka, guy from many movies I don’t remember, wasn’t bad. It’s hard to really figure out his character. Half the time he’s comes across as mysterious the other time throwing a fit. Almost expected him to stomp his feet and hold his breath a few times. It’s hard to root for anyone who switched between those 2 modes. Mysterious is one thing but alternating with "you must do what I say because I paid you" kills any heroics he may perform.

The action scenes are almost completely at night with no way to see what’s happening. Because, there wasn’t any real action until about 45 minutes into an hour and half movie. Stalling off any action for that long isn't a good idea to show that these chartacters are samurais, mercenaries, etc... It seems their fighting skills almost appear out of nowhere by doing this. I'm excluding the slow motion stick fights. The typical low budget has several sction scenes and pepper the rest with scenes to keep us interested until the next fight. You could read the back of the box and be out of the room for 45 minutes and not miss anything. There are some directors that could stretch a movie and give us some memorable action scenes that late in the movie. Look at what John Carpenter did with the first half hour of Assault on Precinct 13. Very little action, it was more important to develop the characters and get them all together when the time was right. Imagine a series of dominos set up to fall one after another. The director of Last Samurai isn’t one of the people who can set the dominos to achieve the desired effect.

What works, the locations are pretty. I thought the aerial shot of the rebel base where we saw the shadow of the helicopter filming the shot was pretty nice. The monkey was cool. Well, it’s better than Massacre . That’s about the best compliment I could pay about this movie. Either CatMan movie would be a better use of time over this movie. Flossing with barb wire, better use of time. A Yahoo Serious marathon better use of time.

There's a good reason why no one has seemed to hear of this movie. This is the kind of movie that Cinemax would be ashamed to show. Andy Siadris would be embarrassed by it, too. An action movie should have some action in it. I wonder if the director realized he forgot to put anything in this movie to keep the interest of the audience. This wasn't supposed to be a deep movie. Give us some gunfights every 15 minutes or so. Maybe a character or two that shouldn't be fed to a swarm of flying Pirahnas...Yeah, I'm invoking Lance Henriksen's movie Pirahna 2: the Spawning. Is that too much to ask for?

It brings anger to me to think that a movie with such a good if not decent B-movie cast can be so lousy. Lance Henriksen, John Saxon should be able to make it better than this. But, the director wrote this piece of cinematic ridiculous action picture (C.R.A.P.). When that happens either you’ll get a decent interpretation of the writer’s script or a director who thinks the script doesn’t need a thing changed. For some reason, ego won and we the viewers lost this battle.



1 NINJA

Quotable Dialogue

"Gold chocolates $20 each."
"Just take your clothes off when I talk to you."
"I'm the one Japanese that doesn't carry a camera."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with being a mercenary."
"Why do you call him Bambi?"


Morals of the Story

Japanese guys carry fans everywhere they go.
John Saxon convincingly plays an Arabic arms dealer.