Plot:
We get a brief summary of the King Arthur legend. Merlin banished Mordred and his followers to the Netherworld. Isn't there were Beetlejuice and those giant
sandworms are? King Arthur and his knights were put into a deep sleep like suspended animation just in case Mordred escapes.
In a dark cave that has green illumination, some woman tosses green lightning at Mordred who has glowing green eyes. A medium is channeling Mordred for Tia
Carrere. I know I should use Tia Carrere's name in this movie: Joan Maxwell. But, I keep thinking of her as Cassandra from Wayne's World. Merlin's spell
is weakening. And, Joan will build a machine to free Mordred.
Mordred returns to the Netherworld still giant worm free. Apparently, Guinevere (or Guin for short) is a servant wench. Merlin pops up for some reason or other and
is being chased. Guin tells Lancelot (would it be fine if I just call him Duncan of the clan Macleod) about Merlin. Apparently, Joan is a danger to other dimensions.
Mordred has Merlin surrounded. Lancelot slides by in the waterslide next to Merlin. It isn't a waterslide, supposed to be a water system. Mordred looks mad, but
he always does. A car is careening down a country road. We get our first look at Ritchie the kid hero who will help save the day in the end. Ritchie's father died, so
Mom decided to return to England. Back in the Netherworld, Lancelot and Merlin continue water sliding. They reach the ending pool. Meet up with Guin.
Joan is mad about traffic. She is nearly run into by the car Ritchie's aunt is driving. We get to see Joan's car splashed with a puddle. Unfortunately for her, she had her
window rolled down. She is pretty much a serious though oh so hot scientist who visits psychic mediums and communes with guys that should have died well over a
thousand years ago.
Merlin is worried about Mordred escaping. Merlin, Lancelot, and Guin run from Mordred's forces. Guin wants to be unbanished. But, the spell has enough force to keep
her imprisoned. She asks Merlin about Arthur. Merlin realizes the spell holding Mordred is weakening so the spell on Arthur will break first. Merlin leaves,
Merlin appears in the real world present day. I'm not going to go into detail about him losing his long robes. Merlin should learn about pants. And, he is nearly run over
by Ritchie's aunt. If a guy popping out in front of car isn't strange enough, does a soul in the car mention the fact Merlin is missing his pants? Not a soul. They all
think it is funny that Merlin is without pants. They call him Merlin.
King Arthur and his knights are awake and in the forest. None of the knights have full suit of armor or helmets. They look like refugees from flashback of Duncan's
before he died originally in the Highlander TV show. That probably won't be the only Highlander reference. Arthur sees a semi truck. Apparently,
he is thirsting for battle. One of the more surreal things in this movie, King Arthur is climbing the grill of the semi and attacking the hood. The knights are whacking the
sides of the trailer. This thing happens a lot. The trucker isn't bothered by seeing a group of guys with swords attacking his truck. The trucker isn't even bothered
when a knight manages to drive his sword through the cab's roof right next to his head. The trucker calmly decides to drive away.
A car with an old couple sees this from a distance of a few hundred yards away. Arthur and the knights think it is the cub of the beast they just fought. This couple
has the great idea of driving away before a group of sword-wielding guys slash at their car. Fortunately, for them and their car insurance, they manage to drive
away. Could you imagine an elderly couple explaining a group of temporal displaced knights wrecking their car?
Merlin the pantless is almost run over by the car. He manages to avoid being hit. But, he's run over by a large group of sword-wielding guys chasing the car.
Ritchie has an attitude problem. He's sullen and upset about living in England. What do you bet he'll change his mind before the end of the movie?
Merlin is upset by events. Arthur wants to know what is going on. We get a flashback to the final confrontation in the past between Arthur and Mordred. At
Stonehenge, Arthur's forces are surrounded by the army of Mordred. Mordred has captured Lancelot and Guin. Mordred is extremely powerful due to him wielding
the sword Excalibur. Arthur had Guin get rid of it. But, evil old Mordred got it. Mordred says that Lancelot loves Guin. He sort of implies more than that, but it could
just be to upset Arthur. Anyways, Lancelot plunges Excalibur into a rock. The energy backlash destroys part of Stonehenge. This also allows Merlin to banish
Mordred. Merlin explains about Mordred's attempt to escape and how Joan is helping.
This banana tastes bad
Meanwhile, in Joan's research facility, Joan is overseeing various aspects of the project that will allow Mordred to return to Earth. But, she cannot be totally evil. She
has an iMac. This is close to science fiction. Tia Carrere is a scientist. Let alone in England. Well, she's more believable as a scientist than Denise Richards as a
nuclear physicist in the James Bond movie The World Is Not Enough
So, she's an evil scientist. They did make her wear her hair in a ponytail. The taut disciplinarian ponytail....And they give her short skirted assistants...
I only work here for the chicks thinks the bearded man.
So, she has iMacs, assistants with nice legs, weird purple things in the background, and some evil craving for power.
Ritchie's aunt is explaining how tough it was on his mother to return. Ritchie complains he has no friends. A girl about his age shows up at the store. Auntie introduces
Ritchie to Kate, our plucky female sidekick heroine. They seem to hit it off. It turns out Kate's mom is the medium Joan uses to contact Mordred. They see Mordred
being channeled. Pleasant Mordred wants the portal opened immediately to get him out of the Netherworld. Joan is unsure about getting it done in the next day. She
was promised power if she aided Mordred. We don't know what kind of power. Kate's Mom returns. Kate and Ritchie decide to stop Joan. They hide in the trunk of
her car. Joan takes Mordred's wicked evil helmet with her.
Mordred is weakened from after being channeled. Lancelot and the really hot Guin make plans to escape through the gate when it is opened. Near a waterfall, Arthur,
his knights, and Merlin are making plans of their own. Merlin is unable to contact the Lady of the Lake. He hopes Arthur can contact her. They need Excalibur to
defeat Mordred. As Arthur jumps in the lake, a green portal opens and sends him to the Netherworld where Excalibur was struck in stone.
Joan is going back to her lab. Wait, it's not a lab. It's a huge sprawling factory complex. Merlin sneaks into the facility. Ritchie and Kate get into the only lit ventilation
system I've ever seen in a movie. In the main lab where Joan is about to begin opening the gate, Merlin sneaks into the room. This room also draws Ritchie and Kate,
too. The large purple gate starts doing the mysterious energy crackling that all portals do.
The Gate is opening on the other side to the Netherworld. Mordred is preparing to enter it. Merlin drops his disguise in the lab and starts using his magic to stop the
gate. Ritchie and Kate decide to help Merlin. They use a fire hose to hose down lab workers and guards. Mordred gets through the gate. The kids turn the hose on
Mordred which distracts him enough for Merlin to use a magic bolt to get him through the gate. In the Netherworld, Lancelot and Guin make their move. Lancelot
distracts everyone enough for Guin to get through the portal before it closes. The gate closes. Joan is very mad and is doing the typical screaming "GET
them...." rant. The kids turn the hose down on her. A wet stern Tia Carrere with her hair pulled up to distract us from the fact she is hot... Where was I? Merlin,
Guin, and the kids escape.
Mordred is unhappy with Lancelot. I never really understood why Mordred didn't Kill Lancelot earlier. Everyone in the Netherworld is on Mordred's side except Lancelot
and the recently escaped and very hot Guin. Probably, he never thought to hunt Lancelot down. They fight. Lancelot gets away. The gate isn't fully closed. There is
a small part of it still open.
Guin is trudging along. She's very happy about being out in the world, able to see stars, etc...She learns that Arthur is now in the Netherworld. The kids head
home. Ritchie is happy about being in England: running around with sorcerers, a chick in chain mail, friend and hosing down Tia Carrere in a few hours. England
sounds like a cool place. Kate checks on her Mom.
Now, for the creepy part. Mordred is being rubbed down by 3 chicks. Mordred is acting all freaky... Lancelot is spying on all of the goings-on. Mordred has one chick
killed. Somehow, Mordred uses the ghost of her skeleton to go through the crack in the gate. Joan is in the lab waiting. Well, this is the first of many skeleton ghosts
that are sent through the portal. It's kind of like the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the spirits are flying out of the Ark. And, the skeleton ghosts fly
into the night.
Arthur's knights are on watch. The skeleton ghosts are flying all over the place. They are computer generated. Skeletons on strings would be tacky. A skeleton ghost
crams itself down the throat of one of the knights, possessing him. The skeleton ghosts surround Merlin's cabin. Merlin just evaporates those ghosts.
The skeleton ghosts come to town. Start to possess the townsfolk. Kate checks on her mom and finds she is gone. Possessed townsfolk grab Kate, already have her
mother. Ritchie wakes up to see townsfolk taking Kate and her mom away. Ritchie who we know has an attitude problem is wearing a leather jacket in the middle of
the night. He is grabbed next.
Kate's mom is used to channel Mordred at the lab. Mordred wants Ritchie to help him. Ritch refuses of course. He's brave when torture is mentioned. But, when
Mordred threatens his mother, Ritch has to do what Mordred wants. And, that is to kill Merlin. Joan gives Ritchie a techno babble weapon. Let’s call it a phaser. It is
some sort of magnetic disrupter which if used on Merlin when he's casting a big spell will reverse the polarity of the spell causing it to backfire on him. Or something
like that.
In the Netherworld, Arthur is sneaking around. Lancelot finds him. Good trustworthy Lancelot apologizes for falling in love with Guin. Needless to say, Arthur doesn't
seem to accept the apology. So, sword fight ensues. Lancelot tries to calm Arthur down explaining he'll need his help to regain Excalibur. Lancelot manages to
hide. Arthur finds him. Then, they fall into the middle of Mordred's forces. Arthur is happy to stop fighting Lancelot at this point.
Mordred is being the typical arrogant villain. He isn't concerned about Lancelot and Arthur running around fighting his men. We'll call this mistake number 3. I lost
track of his previous mistakes. Mistake number 2 is endangering the plucky kid-hero's mom.
Back to the knights, Gawain isn't happy. He argues with uber-hot Guin. She's got chain mail and is doing the painted Braveheart face thing. Ritchie and Kate are
trying to decide what to do. The possessed knights attack Guin but only manage to barely wound her. This gets Gawain, Merlin, and Guin on the same page.
Joan is setting up at Stonehenge. She has a long row of iMacs. iMac, the official computers of Mad Scientists everywhere. Promotional consideration paid for by
Apple. We've just had a vague idea that Joan wants power. Power will enable her to bypass red tape and stupid bureaucratic fools. What a let down. Kate's mom
tries to get her to realize Mordred might think she was a threat and eliminate her. Joan isn't worried about that fact.
At Merlin's cabin, Ritchie is debating whether to use the phaser to kill Merlin or not. Merlin is looking for something. He sort of hints that he knows Ritchie is debating
whether to use the phaser. Guin and Kate have a little discussion.
Joan gets the other phaser. The conniving minx. Merlin, Guin, the knights, and the kids are getting close to Stonehenge as Joan is preparing to open the portal. Portal
begins portalling. Various beams of energy streak around Stonehenge. Merlin and everyone else heads for the gate.
In the Netherworld, the portal opens. Mordred heads towards at with catlike grace until he begins a regal approach to it. Maybe, the bloodlines of Arthur and his
half-sister Morganna have some problems. I'm sure various genetic disorders have had to screw Mordred up in the head.
The knights are readying for the attack. Mordred and Morganna come through the gate. Merlin casts a spell at Mordred and Morganna retaliates by casting a spell at
Merlin. Joan is about to use her phaser on Merlin. Gawain stops her. Merlin manages to knock Morganna unconscious.
Arthur and Lancelot prepare to storm Mordred's throne room. Unfortunately, very clumsily they make it to the throne room teeming with Mordred's forces.
Merlin is holding Mordred in check barely. Arthur and Lancelot keep fighting the forces of Mordred in the Netherworld. Mordred starts to gain the upper hand. Arthur
and Lancelot keep fighting the teeming hordes. Merlin isn't doing too good. Ritchie phasers Mordred who demands he kill Merlin or Ritchie's mom dies.
Arthur pulls Excalibur from the stone. Arthur and Lancelot are at Stonehenge. WE can anticipate the final confrontation between Arthur and Mordred. Mordred
threatens to kill Ritchie's mom unless he gets Excalibur. Arthur solves this problem by throwing Excalibur to Mordred by having him catch it in the stomach. Mordred
lies dying and then implodes only leaving Excalibur.
Arthur and the knights are going to the Netherworld. The real world is too much for them. They are of the past. Arthur knights Ritchie who lost his attitude long
ago. Guin gives her wedding ring to Kate. Guin is staying with Arthur but implies they have a lot to work through. The only knight who is staying behind is Lancelot;
he feels he has spent enough time in the Netherworld to last him. Apparently, Joan is coming along, too. Gawain since the fight has an arm around her grinning at
her. Joan just has this uneasy look on her face. Arthur plunges Excalibur into the stone and the movie ends...
