Annoying misbehavior, such as whining, teasing, nagging, pouting.
Disobedient misbehaviors, such as not following rules, not doing chores.
Defiant misbehavior, such as refusing to listen or arguing.
Aggressive misbehavior, which can be verbal such as name calling, put downs, or physical, such as hitting or fighting.

2. What is the purpose of the misbehavior?
Identifying the pattern point to the purpose or function of the misbehavior. Although you can never be certain of the motive or purpose, we know that most misbehavior does have a purpose.

When misbehavior is annoying, she may be trying to get their way. She may be trying to get you to give in or change your mind. When she is disobedient, it may be that she is not internally or externally motivated to do what you want. She may be very motivated to do something else, like ignore you. This can lead to defiance. She, who is defiant, is typically after control or power. She either does not want to do what you ask or she wants to do what you do not permit. She, who exhibits aggressive behavior, is often expressing anger, frustration, or revenge. She may be hurt because she did not get their way or because she believes that you have done something against her.

3. Take action.
Ignore annoying behaviors. This does not mean to ignore the problem. The correct action is to ignore the whining or teasing. Do not give in to demands. Tantrums need an audience. It is fine to say, “I am ignoring you.” It is also helpful to use redirection. “My ears do not listen to whining, you need to ask in a polite voice.” The most important issue to this type misbehavior is that men are accused of ignoring women all the time. If you do not tell her that you are purposely ignoring her, or you are choosing not to respond to this type of behavior, she will know that you hear her and don’t approve of that behavior. This also enables you to stay above the nagging and whining, keeping your frustration at bay.

When she is disobedient, give a firm warning to stop. “Think about what you are doing. If you continue, you will be punished. You decide.” In other words, give a firm warning, point out that this behavior is not a good idea and explain that she needs to make a better decision or punishment will occur. Explain that a poor choice will result in a negative consequence or outcome. Explain that a good choice will result in a positive consequence or outcome. “It is okay to not want to do –but you will still have to do it.”

Defiance behaviors are usually seeking control. Remain calm. If you get upset, she wins. Be consistent. Be prepared to follow through the first time. I f you find yourself getting dragged into an argument, remember to control yourself first. Say. “I need to calm down before this goes any further. I am going to deal with me, and then I’ll come back and deal with you. Minimizing the effects of verbal aggression by not overreacting. This is difficult. It helps to talk with your spouse during a calm moment and explain the consequences of put-downs and how words can hurt other’s feelings.

Intervene quickly to stop aggression. You may need to apply a sit-away or time out. Once your wife is calm and willing to talk, explain the consequences, then carry them out. You also need to be a good example by maintaining your own emotional self-control.

These tips works wonders for the times you are right there. But what if you come home tired, and she has deliberately disobeyed to do something she should have done at earlier? At that point, tell her she will be punished, but you are too tired at this moment. This lets her know that you have noticed the misbehavior, but you are not ready to do it at this moment. If there is time, you could always have her stand in the corner to think about her behavior, or write you an essay. If you tell her that she will be spanked, make sure you tell her when, if you are not able to do it at the moment. Let her know when it would be convenient for you, and then make sure you carry it out. If you threaten a spanking, but do not carry it out, it is the same as telling her she is not worthy of your attention. The misbehavior will certainly return, sometimes stronger than before.

You will be relieving her stress by demonstrating you are there for her. By taking control, she knows she can depend on you and will not worry so much about other factors in which she cannot change. When you are consistent, you will also not have as much stress. The household will become calmer. Since she feels she will not have to go to such extremes to get your attention, you will not have to react to the stress as much. You will find you have more time to do more pleasurable things, and you will not be spending as much time arguing and hassling with her.

Home will be more and more of a place you will like to return to after work. Both of you will be busy enough with your own jobs and responsibilities, you can lessen the tension and stress about other things you have no control over. You will occupy your mind will things you do have control over. In addition, you have given your wife her own list of things in which she will busy herself worrying about, thus giving up on other worries she can do little or nothing about.

This won’t solve all the problems in the world, but it will give you a place of temporary retreat, a place where you can gather your thoughts and rest a little better.