X-Files Quotes Season 1

'Pilot'
"Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted."
--Fox Mulder

"He had a nickname at the academy. 'Spooky' Mulder."
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: "Time just can't disappear! It's a universal invariant!"
Fox Mulder: "Not in this zip code."

Dana Scully: "The answers are there, you just have to know where to look."
Fox Mulder: "That's why they put the 'I' in FBI."

'Deep Throat'
Waitress: "I'm selling limited-edition prints-20 dollars. Down to the last five if you're interested."
Fox Mulder: "Put it on my tab."
Dana Scully: "Sucker."
Mulder: "What would be the chance of someone like me seeing a UFO?"
Scully: "Catch you outside…(looking at map outside restaurant) Want to see something weird, Mulder? Ellens Air Base isn't even on my USGS quadrant map."
Mulder: "I know. Let's go."
Scully: "You know? Where are we going?"
Mulder: "We got our own map-sucker."

"You're the type of person who gives perversion a bad name."
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "Tell me I'm crazy."
Dana Scully: "Mulder, you're crazy."

"Let's just say this case has a distinct smell to it--a certain paranormal bouquet."
--Fox Mulder

Dana Scully: "Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned--" Mulder: "Ooh! If you were that stoned what?"

'Squeeze'
"In our investigations, you may not always agree with me, but at least you respect the journey."
--Fox Mulder

Tom Colton: "So, Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?"
Fox Mulder: "Grey."
Colton: "Excuse me?"
Mulder: "Grey. You said little green men. A Reticulan skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers due to iron depletion in the Reticulum galaxy."
Colton: "You can't be serious."
Mulder: "Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?"

"Do you think I'm spooky?"
--Fox Mulder

"Maybe I run into so many people who are hostile just because they can't open their minds to the possibilites... that sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation."
--Fox Mulder

"Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"
--Fox Mulder

'Conduit'
Dana Scully: "I just don't think it's a good idea to antagonize the local law enforcement."
Fox Mulder: "Who, me? I'm Mr. Congeniality."
Scully: "You never know, we might need his help one of these days."
Mulder: "I'll send him a bundt cake."

'Jersey Devil'
Dana Scully: "Working hard, Mulder?"
Fox Mulder: (indicating to centerfold) "This woman claims to have been taken aboard a space ship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for three days."
Scully: "Antigravity's right."

Ellen: "What about that guy you work with? I thought said he was cute."
Dana Scully: "Mulder? He's a jerk. Well, he's not a jerk. He's...obsessed with his work."

Dana Scully: "What's that sound in the backround?"
Fox Mulder: "That's someone getting sick."
Scully: "Mulder, where are you? The drunk tank?"

Dana Scully: "Well, it's not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant."
Fox Mulder: "Are you going to rag on me or take me to get something to eat?"
Scully: "Am I buying, or did you manage to panhandle some change while you were at it?"

Fox Mulder: "What are you doing?"
Dana Scully: "Going with you to the Smithsonian."
Mulder: "Don't you have a life Scully?"
Scully: "Keep it up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that beast woman."
Mulder: "Eight million years out of Africa..."
Scully: "And look who's holding the door."
Hear it! (Scully's comment about the beast woman only)

'Shadows'
"Do you know how difficult it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off. Elvis."
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "Have you ever seen the Liberty Bell?"
Dana Scully: "Yes."
Mulder: "You know, I've been to Philadelphia a hundred times, and I've never seen it."
Scully: "You're not missing much. It's a big bell with a big crack, and you have to wait in a long line."

"They're heeere!"
--Dana Scully
Hear it!

"I would never lie; I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation."
--Fox Mulder

Dana Scully: "Yeah, I'm fine, though I do have a standing-in-line-at-the-DMV sized headache."
Fox Mulder: "Yeah. Mines more IRS sized."

Fox Mulder: "Hey Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?"
Dana Scully: "I'd settle for a life in this one."

'Ghost in the Machine'
Dana Scully: "So, why did you two go your separate ways?"
Fox Mulder: "I'm a pain in the ass to work with."
Scully: "No, seriously."
Mulder: You mean I'm not a pain in the ass to work with?"

Dana Scully: "Must be for the visually impaired."
Fox Mulder: "How do you like that? A politically correct elevator."

'Ice'
"Obviously they think we're either brilliant or expendable because we pulled the assignment."
--Fox Mulder

"Bring your mittens."
--Fox Mulder

Dana Scully: "Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible."
Fox Mulder: "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot."
Hear it! (104K)

"I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessmen told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine."
--Fox Mulder

"And a lie, Mr. Mulder, is most convincingly hidden between two truths."
--Deep Throat

"Mulder, if a shark stops swimming, it will die. Don't stop swimming."
--Deep Throat

"That's why we like you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours."
--Byers

Byers: "Vladamir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by the most heinous and evil force in the 20th century."
Fox Mulder: "Barney?"

'Miracle Man'
"Ninety-nine percent of the people in this world are fools. And the rest of us are in great danger of contagion."
--Sheriff Daniels

Fox Mulder: "I think I saw some of these people at Woodstock."
Dana Scully: "Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock."
Mulder: "I saw the movie."

'Shapes'
Ish: "Go home, FBI."
Fox Mulder: "How'd you know?"
Ish: "I could smell you a mile away."
Mulder: "Well, they told me that even though my deodorant's made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man."

'Darkness Falls'
"Come on, Scully, it'll be a nice trip to the forest."
--Fox Mulder

Dana Scully: "What kind of insect could have gotten a man all the way up in a tree?"
Fox Mulder: "Itsy bitsy spider..."

"Oh, a brain sucking amoebae."
--Dana Scully

Fox Mulder: "Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of manhood."
Dana Scully: "Right, what am I looking for?"
Mulder: "Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable...a boyfriend?"

'Tooms'
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love."
Dana Scully: "Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer."

"Do you think they would have taken me more seriously if I had worn the grey suit?"
--Fox Mulder

"Conventional investigation of these cases may decrease the rate of success."
--Dana Scully

"You can get the next mutant."
--Fox Mulder

'Born Again'
"Why is it so hard for you to believe?"
--Fox Mulder

"There weren't any ghosts flying around the precinct."
--Dana Scully

'Roland'
"I don't think they will be performing this experiment on Beakman's World."
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "How was the wedding?"
Dana Scully: "You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?"
Mulder: "Did you catch the bouquet?"
Scully: "Maybe."

Fox Mulder: "You've got a brother, don't you, Scully?"
Dana Scully: "Yeah, I have an older one and a younger one."
Mulder: "Have you ever thought about calling one of them all day and then the phone rings and it's one of them?"
Scully: "Does this pitch somehow end in a way for me to lower my long distance charges?"

'The Erlenmeyer Flask'
"Okay, Mulder, but I'm warning you-if this is monkey pee, you're on your own."
--Dana Scully
Hear it!

"I can't give up. Not as long as the truth is out there."
--Fox Mulder
Hear it!

Dana Scully: "Do we even know why the suspect was being chased?"
Fox Mulder: "As far as I can tell, he wouldn't pull over for a moving violation."
Scully: "Well, that ought to put him on the ten most-wanted list."

Deep Throat: "Calling it a night, Mr. Mulder?"
Fox Mulder: "My mother usually likes me home before the street lights come on."

Dana Scully: "I know by now to trust your instincts."
Fox Mulder: "Why? Nobody else does."

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