WARNING!!

If the idea of pompous celebrities, politicians, religious figures, cartoon characters, and other various miscreants meeting such zany, bizarre demises as being hurled off cliffs, drowned in giant vats of multi-colored "wacky balls", driven to suicide by evil manifestations of deceased NFL greats, & being blown to steaming bloody chunks by Iranians with TNT in their trousers- DONT READ THE FOLLOWING PAGES!

But, if you're like US, & realize that you gotta die anyway, so you might as well die funny.... Check out the

P.I. DEATHWISH!

PAGE 1 = Macauley Culkin, Larry Fishburne, Jay Leno, Carrot Top, Tony Garea, Paul Rodriguez, Brandon Lee, Eric Clapton, Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves, Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, David Dinkins, Rikki Lake, The Olsen Twins, Christopher Reeves, Mother Teresa, Marky Mark, Mr. Clean, "Screech", Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Mark Gastineau, Rip Taylor, Charo, Cher, Prince, Fabio, Jamaraquai, Bono, RuPaul, Butterbean, Sting, & Hanson!

PAGE 2 = Wink Martindale, Richard Dawson, Bob Barker, Ray Combs, Pat Sajak, Alex Trebek, Bob Eubanks, Monty Hall, Burt Convy, Chuck Woolery, Steven Tyler, Alicia Silverstone, Chris O'Donnell, John F. Kennedy JR., Liv Tyler, Mark Hamill, Betty Shabazz, Richard Simmons, Louie Anderson, Newt Gingrich, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Chuck Norris, Sheer Terror, Negative Creep, Whitney Houston, Billy Crystal, David Bowie, Sean "Puffy" Combs, Pauly Shore, Sinead O'Connor, Penny Marshall, Stevie Wonder, Ron Howard, Ronald McDonald, Ben & Jerry, O.J. Simpson, & Boy George!

PAGE 3 = Demi Moore, Al Gore, Gorbachev, Jesse Jackson, L. Ron Hubbard, Woody Allen, Paul Hogan, Martin Lawrence, Crazy Eddie, David Hasselhoff, Alan Alda, Tim Allen, Lou Diamond Phillips, Harrison Ford, Brooke Shields, Mary Tyler Moore, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Julia Child, Regis Philbin, Glenn Close, Don Johnson, Stephen King, Henry Winkler, Drew Barrymore, Farrah Fawcett, Gilbert Godfried, Rod Stewart, Tom Petty, Jack Nicholson, Tom Selleck, Uncle Sam, Bob Hope, Andrew "Dice" Clay, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman, Kathy Bates, Burt Reynolds, Chevy Chase, Bill Cosby, Hulk Hogan, Alice Cooper, Elizabeth Taylor, Eric Stoltz, Frank Perdue, Mathew Broderick, & Gumby!

PAGE 4= Courtney Love, Darryl Strawberry, Marilyn Manson, Dave Thomas, Sylvester Stallone, Kenny G, Sinbad, Flava Flav, Susan Lucci, Mel Gibson, Tony Danza, Elton John, Bill Maher, Jennifer Flowers, Cornelius, Chris Rock, Keenen Ivory Wayans, Garth Brooks, Jon Bon Jovi, Martha Stewart, Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Farley, John Travolta, Courteney Cox, Rodney Dangerfield, Leona Helmsly, Sherman Hemsley, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Oscar DelaHoya, Willie Wonka, Isabelle Sanford, James Earl Jones, Paul Reubens, Bette Midler, Tommy Lee Jones, Marlon Brando, Denzel Washington, Jeff Goldblum, Prodigy, Dan Rather, Woody Harrelson, Gwen Stefani, Tom Arnold, Richard Pryor, And Beavis & Butthead!

PAGE 5= Barbara Walters, Janet Reno, Jim Varney, 311, Don Knotts, The Judds, Wayne Newton, Lionel Richie, Larry Hagman, Versace, Mariah Carey, Pamela Anderson, Morton Downey Jr, Godzilla, Father Guido Sarducci, The Wu-tang Clan, Carmen Electra, Sigourney Weaver, Andre Aggasi, Don King, Ice Cube, Hideki Irabu, David Letterman, Ernest Borgnine, Jeff Foxworthy, Sean Penn, Donald Trump, James Belushi, Finster, Ralph Macchio, Anne B. Davis, Dick Cavett, Merv Griffin, Rick Schroeder, Lorenzo Lamas, Stacy Keach, Jackee, Loretta Lynn, Joe Mantegna, Hugh Grant, Julie Andrews, Steve Guttenberg, Richard Lewis, Ed Begly Jr, & Mrs. Butterworth!

PAGE 6= Doctor Spock, Linda Ronstadt, Judd Nelson, Ned Beatty, Malcolm Jamal Warner, Molly Ringwald, Pete Townsend, Robert Redford, Christinan Applegate, Corey Haim, C. Everett Coop, Uma Thurman, Princess Diana, Kevin Bacon, The Guy Down The Block!, Kelsey Grammer, Rosie Perez, Nell Carter, Ray Charles, Kurt Russel, Drew Carey, John Ritter, Bonnie Franklin, Steven Segal, Goldie Hawn, Patrick Stewart, Sally Field, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Queen Latifah, Santa Claus, The Barbie Twins, Richard Jeni, Pat Smear, Chris Penn, Neve Campbell, Michael Rapaport, John Popper, Kristy Martin, Oasis, Ringo Starr, Omar Epps, Rosie O'Donnel, Jim Brown, Tim Roth, & Davey!

PAGE 7= Marv Albert, Beck, Steve Buscemi, Kurt Loder, Adam Sandler, Dionne Warwick, The Rolling Stones, Tom Bosley, Jamie Farr, Jamie Fox, Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert, Dennis Rodman, Donnie Most, Pinto, Jack Hanna, George Stephanopoulis, Pete Rose, Tim Robbins, Ed Koch, John Goodman, Ed McMahon, Mitch "Blood" Green, Ice-T, Paul Lynde, Richard Roundtree, The Weather Girls, Sandra Bernhard, Taylor Negron, The Iranian Pants Bomber, Fran Drescher, James Spader, John Denver, Brad Pitt, Robert Blake, David Allen Grier, Ving Rhames, Ray Liotta, Craig T. Nelson, Maria Conchita Alonso, Pricilla Presley, Leslie Nielsen, Lenny Kravitz, Robert DeNiro, & Senor Wences Hand!

PAGE 8 = Leif Garrett, Jack Kervorkian, Stuttering John, Johnny Depp, Jenny Jones, Lorenzo lamas, Gary Coleman, The Insane Clown Posse, Jack Klugman, Willie Nelson, Wayne Gretzky, Tommy Tune, Aretha Franklin, Gavin Mac Leod, and YOU!

Click here to go back home!