Anything Goes School of Masquerade Arts

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AGSMA at SDCC 1998
South Wars
Episode VI
The Search for Chef
For those of you who loved the skit, or have never seen the skit, on this page you will find.
1. Pictures of the Characters of South Wars- The Search for Chef
2. A summary of the script (including a translation of Obi Wan Kenny's lines)
3. A copy of the soundtrack that we actually used, on stage for the event.
4. In the future, we hope to add a movie as well.

The Quick Script Summary
For those of you who just can't wait for the sounds or the pictures.
Here's the Seinfeld version of the script.
Cartman the Hutt and the cast of South Wars are talking...
Yadda, Yadda, Yadda,
Obi Wan Kenny dies.
The End

The Script Summary/Stage Directions/Notes from the Editor
A quick note from the Editor:
My notes will be in italics. In order to present this skit on stage at the San Diego Comic Convention, we needed to run the script past the Masquerade coordinator to make sure it was kosher and tailored to a general audience, instead of MA18. Thus you will no cussing in the script. So now you know why Kyle doesn't come in the end and say "You Bastards!".

The Cast (in order of appearance)
Cartman the Hutt
Ned 3PO
Obi Wan Kenny
Stan Skywalker
Kyle in his Sweet Chewbacca Mask
Ms. Cartman as Princess Leia
Chef Solo

Emcee reads:
Intergalactic lover extrordinaire Chef Solo has been captured by the vile crimelord Cartman the Hutt. Now, Stan Skywalker, with the help of his mentor, Obi-Wan Kenny and Solo's loyal co-pilot, Kyle Chewbacca attempt a rescue.

The Scene:
Cartman's palace, on Coloradooine

Cue Star Wars Theme
Spotlight on the Chef Solo in Carbonite Block, center stage.
Cue South Park Theme
-Enter Cartman the Hutt, followed by Ned 33PO.

Cartman the Hutt: Okay, who's next?
Ned 3PO: MMMMMM. Your highness, a Jedi Knight demands to speak with you.
-Enter Stan Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenny and Kyle Chewbacca
Cartman the Hutt: What?! You let a Jedi in?
Stan: Greetings you big, fat.....(prematurely cut off for general audiences)
Cartman the Hutt: I'm not fat! I'm festively plump!
Obi Wan Kenny: Mmm mmmm mmm mmmmmm mmmm mmm mmmm!
Translation: His boobs are bigger than his moms!
Kyle Chewbacca: Roar. (Chewbacca Style, followed by the Gay Lion roar)
Stan Skywalker: Totally dude. Anyway, We want Chef Solo back.
Cartman the Hutt: Heh, yeh right! You think I'm gonna give up my favorite decoration!
-Spotlight is focused on Chef Solo in Carbonite
Stan Skywalker: Hold on there dude. We brought a dancing girl.
-Enter Cartman's Mom, dressed in prisoner girl outfit, dancing on stage
Cartman the Hutt: What did you do to my mom?! You sick piece of...(prematurely cut off for general audiences)
-Chef Solo breaks free from the Carbonite
Chef Solo (singing): I wanna make love to ya Princess, I wanna lay you down by the Falcon...
(prematurely cut off for general audiences)
Stan Skywalker: Chef, We came to save you!
Kyle Chewbacca: Roar. (Chewbacca Style, followed by the Gay Lion roar)
Chef Solo: Hol' on there children. I've got some business to take care of.
-Leaves stage with Cartman's Mom
-Stage Ninjas report to behind the Carboniite Block

Ned 3PO: MMMMMM. That was pretty screwed up.
Cartman the Hutt: Totally. C'mon, let's go to the Jawa buffet. All you can eat for just $6.99. Except you Kenny. That's a light year's income for you.
-Kenny uses lightsaber to beat on Cartman
Obi Wan Kenny: Mm mm mm! No Translation, just grunting.
Stan Skywalker: Dude! I wanted to go to Toshi station and get some power convertors. Oh well, let's get out here.
-Everybody leaves stage except Kenny, who looks side to side for danger.
-Stage Ninjas push the empty Carbonite bloock to crush Kenny from behind.
-Stan rushes back on stage

Stan Skywalker: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
-Stan leaves
-Then the carbonite shell begins to shake..
-The Spirit of Kenny arises from the Carboonite Shell

The Spirit of Obi Wan Kenny: Mmm mmm Mmmmm mm mmmm mmm mmmmm.
Translation: May the Force Be With You, Always.
Out of the sky, a Death Star falls on the Spirit of Kenny.
As Kenny takes the hit, a Battle Damaged X-Wing crashes into him, sending him back into the Carbonite Block.

The End.

The Glittering Stars of South Wars
South Wars- The Search for Chef


The Audio to South Wars
Here is a digitized version of our actual tape that contains the script to South Wars!
(for those people who were laughing SO hard that they couldn't hear what we were saying)
"Screw you guys...I'm going home."

Individual Wav Files
Chef Solo's Song
Obi Wan Kenny saying "May the Force Be With You"
Chef Solo saying "Now Hol' On There Children, I Got Some Business to Take Care Of!"

On to the next scene! Episode 5!
Star Wars and characters are © to Lucasfilm
South Park and characters are © to Comedy Central, Matt Stone and Trey Parker
South Wars is a production by AGSMA ©.

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