Tiger

Had arranged for Don to come by my place after work. We had done this before. He walked in the front door, we stopped in the kitchen to get something to drink and then went down to the basement where we usually play.

He had just gotten back from vacation so he told me about his trip and then about some problems at work. I showed him that I've been a busy boy and collected some new tools. Joked about a couple of my new toys that came from K-Mart's housewares. If Martha Stewart only new what we were doing with her kitchen utensils. And then that beautiful garden stake that someone had thrown in my front yard, I knew I could mold it into the perfect instrument. Really just a long stick that I narrowed at one end for a handle. Good solid piece of wood. Will do a good job. We will test it out. How many paddles I got now? Getting to be a pretty good number.

Talked about some new game ideas. He wanted to start with our usual card game: low draw takes that number swats and a throw of the dice determines the intrument. You know in the end it's going to balance out, but sometimes it seems you're getting more than your share. I think that's really what Don likes. But he seems to enjoy it too when he sees me wince because I have to take a big number with that big fat paddle. Like what are the chances I'm going to pull a King two times in a row when he draws an Ace. What are the chances I'm going to roll the number for the big paddle three times in a roll? Then if I get a Joker, and Jokers are wild, then I get to decide whether I should make it a bigger number and let him take the swats, or make my Joker a smaller number and I take the swats. You know I'm a nice guy, right? OK, we get through the deck one time. Anybody ever figure how many swats you can accummulate adding up all those numbers on 52 cards. Adds up to a red butt.

So time to switch gears. New game. Take all the paddles and put them in a heap. We've had lots of experience with these guys now. Think that we know each one intimately. Each paddles has it's own flavor. You're sure you can tell them apart, right? So, the test. Don turns his back, I pick a paddle, Don leans over the table we've been playing cards on and I give him a sound whack with the paddle I selected. Then the paddle is returned to the stack, I shuffle the stack a little, and now Don has to pick the paddle that was just used on him. So if he guesses right, I have to take two swats with the same paddle. If he guesses wrong, he has to take two more swats with the same paddle so he'll learn his lesson. Then we switch, and it's my turn to take the test. We think our butts are so smart. But there are plenty of surprises and revelations. You take your whack, turn to the stack of paddles, and then start throwing out the ones you know it isn't, but then you always get down to is it this one or this one. Well sometimes you gotta learn a lesson. You would think we would get better at this as the game went on, but it seemed the redder our butts got, the more mistakes we made. The more mistakes we made, the sillier we got, and the more determined we were going to get it right. It's a good game.

One last game. Was supposed to be two more games, but our butts wore out or time ran out. But the old dart board has been hanging there for ever. Game pretty much the same as cards, but maybe not quite so much chance involved. Takes some skill to aim that dart. Bulls eye is wild. Anybody know the highest number on a dart board? It's a 20. Figuring I probably could rarely get a bulls eye, I'd keep aiming at the 20. Low hit takes swats. I don't think Don ever threw a dart in his life. Gonna get this guy's butt, right? Little bit in the beginning. I don't think he minds. He takes his swats very well. But he caught on to darts pretty quickly. Then we're both aiming for the 20. Damn if we don't both hit it twice in a row. So you both hit the same number, what happens. You both take that number double. How much is double twenty? And then do that twice in a row. I think this game is winding down. But we can take it, right? Gonna take it a little easy on each other, right. But when you gotta take 40 swats and then take 40 swats again, I don't care how easy your partner's being, that's a lot of accummulated swats on your butt. Don always takes them like a soldier. I do my share of butt rubbing and prancing around. I'm not into punishment. I'm into fun and games. I'm gonna have fun at this. Dance with the pain.

Our butts were sore, and those darts were starting to get a little heavy. How can you actually miss the board altogether. So we decide after two and a half hours to call it an evening. And as a farewell gesture, Don requested to take 25 with the paddle of my choice OTK. OTK is really a new experience for me. A little afraid of the intimacy of it. Was more impressed by the awkwardness of it. Big old Don over my lap doesn't fit well. Guess I need some practice at this. Just old Assume the Postion seems to make more sense. Ok, Don gonna be a tough guy. I guess I gotta show I can handle it too. So I spread my big old butt across his lap and take my 25. Well, this is an experience.

It's been a good evening. Don is a good guy. Easy going and willing to put up with my goofiness. We'll be getting together again. Probably play the old card game again. But we'll have some new ideas for throwing that paddle around. Wanted to share it with you.

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