Replace the Negative with the Positive
Focusing only on problems is the essence of complaining. We dwell on
the problem, instead of solutions. Instead: Assume most problems have
solutions, and ask "How do I want this situation to be different?"
Catastrophizing: Every bad thing that happens is a horrible disaster.
Instead: Be realistic in your assessment and stop scaring yourself. Yes,
bad things do happen, and many bad things are often inconveniences, mistakes,
and foul-ups---not necessarily traumas, tragedies, or disasters.
Expecting the worst: "What if he doesn't like me?" "What
if I don't pass the exam?" Expecting the worst does not encourage
you to behave effectively. Expecting the worst only promotes anxiety.
Instead: Ask questions that presuppose positive outcomes. "How can
I make a favorable impression?" "How can I prepare for the exam?"
Stereotyping: By putting others, and ourselves, into preconceived categories,
we avoid thinking of people as unique individuals. This leads to strained
relationships, and gives us an undeserved sense of superiority or inferiority.
It also often deprives us of opportunities to know and understand the
giftedness of those whom we stereotype. Instead: Remind yourself that
we are all human beings, with unique personalities, each having qualities
and shortcomings.
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