Replace the Negative
with the Positive: Part 2
Shoulds: Should, ought, must, have to... used carelessly, these words presuppose rules and standards for behavior that do not exist in reality. They imply a consequence for noncompliance, and often evoke quilt. For example, according to the law, we "should" obey posted speed limits, or pay a fine. Is it equally true that "I should be smarter than I am." or "I ought to be married by now."?--Of course not! Instead: Replace the words should, ought, or must with the word "COULD" and realize the gift of choices.
Thinking in Absolutes: We exaggerate reality with words like "always," "never," and "everyone," as in "I always eat too much--I will never be slim." Instead: Replace exaggeration with words that more accurately reflect reality. Example "I often eat more than I need, but I can change that."
All or Nothing Thinking: We distort reality by thinking only in extremes. Our efforts become total failures or complete successes---with nothing in between. Example: "Either I lose two pounds by Sunday, or I quit exercising." Instead: Chunk down your perceptions to see the parts of the whole, which can be positive, negative, and in-between. Give yourself options or choices whenever possible. Example: "I want to lose two pounds by Sunday. Even one pound would indicate that exercise is helping. If my weight stays the same, I'll experiment with variations in nutrition and exercise until I reach my goal."
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