A boss is a man who's early when you're late and late when you're early.

 A committee is a group of men who, individually, can do nothing, but collectively can meet to decide that nothing can be done.

 A man is complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

 A man would often be the lover of his wife - if he were married to someone else.

 A metallurgist is an expert who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she is virgin metal or a common ore.

 A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 All's well, that ends well - and vice versa.

 An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

 Anyone who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.

 Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

 Be polite to everyone until you have made your first million. After that everyone will be polite to you.

 Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

 Getting things done in this office is like meeting elephants. It's done at a high level, it's accomplished with a great deal of roaring and screaming and it takes two years to produce a result.

 Happy the man with a wife to tell him what to do, and a secretary to do it for him.

 If the grass is greener in the other fellows yard, let him worry about cutting it.

 It has been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except a young fool. But the young fool has first to grow up to be an old fool to realize what a damn fool he was when he was a young fool.

 Nothing is impossible for people who don't have to do it themselves.

 Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.

 The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.

 The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

 The most beautiful words in the English language are: "check enclosed."

 When a man who had been very unhappily married promptly married again after the death of his first wife, someone declared: "It is the triumph of hope over experience."

 Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch others doing it for hours.