Thursday
2/18/99
I guess i am writing this to tell you something. Something I believe may half surprise you but, may not at all. That almost every judgement you have on me is probably not accurate, because i am fake...almost everything about me is. Maybe in a desperate attempt to stay away from the fearful thoughts of being just another "faceless" person buried among a sea of people who are exactly the same. Maybe in some desprate attempt to stay out of the system's vicious cycle of comformities, i try to be someone i'm not. Someone who is, apathetic, to everything, to be able to live alone...maybe i think that will fill up all the emptiness that plagues a person inside until it slowely seems to where them down and destroy them. I guess i got so caught up in trying to be someone that i'm not...but someone that i can only wish to be...that i forgot who i really am and what i really stand for. I must have, because i don't know anymore. I guess i'm so caught up in trying to be the person that first strikes you as so mysterious that they can't help but need to know more...to pry deeper to find out who that person really is...so as not to see them as just some "young" 15 year old girl who's biggest consern is if her shoes match her shirt...but an intellegent person, and maybe not even just from book and facts and even statistics...but from experiences...one's that occur in life, sometimes all to soon. or sometimes not fast enough. Maybe i am as neive as i seems to perseve others but, maybe i'm not. sometimes if feels like i learned to much to fast...but i don't think i will regret any of the mistakes i've made...but learn from my first one, and that was not learning from them at all. maybe this doesn't make sence to you at all. maybe because i'm trying to summarize what i wrote before and it's not coming out right. I'm sure that i've gone completely off the subject in which i origanally started out writing...but i don't even think i know what that was. I guess what i'm trying to say is 2 things. Please don't perseve me as just some young, neive, 15 year old girl...i probably don't know much about life but i do know a few things. a few more than i would like to know. but even more than that...is that...i am fake, i want so hard to be someone that i want to be...someone disaffected, yet, poetic (such as yourself) to be able to write from the soul and the heart. Almost everything you have come to precive about me is probably fake along with me...i do not know who i am anymore and i guess that has made it impossible for others to even try to see me as someone who might know one or two things about "what goes on under the table".
Please forgive me.
what does one say in response to such a confession?
only that you do not give yourself nearly enough credit. i never thought you naive, or unintelligent. i always believed in you.
would you like to see fake? look at me... frightened little child hiding in the costume chest, burying themselves in masks and cherades and shadows.
i see the pain you have gone through. you speak very fluently to me. you always have. i think you are a fine poet, and a good writer. i wish you wouldn't think so lowly of yourself in that respect.
i am the one who should be confessing to you. but i am still far too afraid to come out behind this paper shell.
- fallen
previous thoughts of the day
Role Reversal... by Emily
The Collective Mind
Primal... by Elkantar
Brad #11
Crush
Thought of My Day... by Elkantar
excerpts from my dissertation on life
Knee-high, Leather, 6 inch Heels
Jesus
I'm doubting everything lately... rohandor
Pride noiraranea
"I am woman" dollpini
the Dream Train
excerpts
I Do Not Want This... by Trent
There once was a little girl... 2 (y'all better read this one...)
Everything
Thank You
Wrestling Woman Inards
School and Psychoanalysis...
Vengeance!!!
Brandon
listening to Bush and feeling sassy...
There once was a little girl.... 1
I want to believe
Timing by rohandor
...for you have left your first love.
On Love
the Mystical, Magical Land of Algebra2
Something Wicked This Way Comes
What does one do?
Cold Sweat Nightmares
Hate Me
Personal Inventory by Dollphini
First Contact, with Kyle
:::whispers::: Lime-Green Elephant
"They say that sex between two people who really hate each other..."
Boys are Yucky
What happens if we all fall down?
Vegas
BluesMan84
Politics and Wealth
The Nature of God
The Nature of Man
Beauty
Only the Good Die Young by Dollphini
Ode to Shawn
poetry
the embrace
about me
links
© 1998 UrielsPoet@aol.com
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