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| (Background music: I'm Your Baby Tonight, by Whitney Houston) Background Host: Baby, for women - A brand new fragrence by Whitney Houston! Try it on - and you will be 'someone's baby tonight'! Just ask Whitney Houston... (Close on: Whitney posing with perfume bottle in her hands) Whitney: It's very simple. All you have to do is take the bottle and spray it all over baby -butt smooth skin. Show your baby what he means to you, 'cause once he takes a sniff ... you won't believe what comes next! 'Cause whatever you want from me ... is in this bottle, right here. Not because you're worth it ... but because I'M worth it! Besides, if J.Lo can do it, then so can I! So buy my new "love potion" today! It's called ... "Baby"! (Whitney kisses the perfume bottle) Whitney: And believe me, I've been using this "Baby" everyday - On all my 2000 parts! And so will you. It's got that wonderful fresh-sexy-clean scent of garlic and roses! And, as a matter of fact ... (Whispers) I even spray this on my butt! And boy, does it smell good! Can’t you smell the love? Background Host: "Baby". For women. A new fragrance by Whitney Houston. Whitney: (Scratches butt) Ugh, WHY is my butt itching? This is so embarrasing... Background Host: Also, never use this product anywhere near your butt. Whitney: (Stops) ... Come again? Background Host: But, if you've already done the dirty deed, look out for these physical side effects: Itching; Hepatitus B; skin that changes colors; SIDS; fleas that appear out of nowhere; chicken pox; one butt-cheek that's larger than the other, and also, harmful psychological side effects: thinking that Ben Affleck is the 'sexiest man alive'; watching the movie From Justin to Kelly; listening to Whitney Houston-- Whitney: HEY! Background Host: And, all too often: compulsive toilet scrubbing (and other toilet issues); supporting the Bush administration; and, finally, fantasizing about Micheal Jackson. Go see your doctor at the first sign of symptoms. If you wait too long, you will be risking an inexplicably sudden death. Whitney: Well, at least it smells good... right? Background Host: Please speak to your doctor about using our product if you are pregnant, or taking any other sort of medication. Never mix with alcohol. Each symptom should take about 4 days to catch on, but may take up to 2 months to recover if not treated early. Scratching will only make the symptoms worse. Whitney: Bu-but I have a concert in 3 weeks! Background Host: Too bad. It's your perfume. Available at fine department stores. On sale now for only $35.00 per bottle. Background Music: ... I'm your baby toni-i-ight, yeah! |
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