Religious Jokes (non-Jewish) 5

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did G-d throw him back down?"

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "But why?"

"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Some may be offended by this one. In my case, I am only offended by Henry being in heaven.

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven.

At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention the assembly line for the automobile... changed the world.

"As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."

Ford thinks about it, and says, - "I want to hang out with G-d Himself.

"So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to G-d.

Ford then asks G-d, "When you invented Woman, what were You thinking?"

G-d asks, "What do you mean?"

"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front end protrusion.

2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.

3. Maintenance is extremely high.

4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.

5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 days of every 28 days.

6. The rear end wobbles too much.

7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.

8. The headlights are usually too small.

9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.

Just to name a few."

Hmmm...," replies G-d, "Hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results.

In no time the computer prints out a report, and G-d reads it.

G-d then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is somewhat flawed, but according to these reports, more men are riding my invention than yours.

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

To my personal home page

Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
Copyright Jerold H. Feinstein, PE 1997-2000 All rights reserved; contact for permission to use
This page was last updated on 10/18/00 and is located at http://www.oocities.org/CapeCanaveral/Hangar/6056

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."