Aging_1

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

From Norman

A 60-year old man went to a doctor for a checkup. The doctor told him, "You are in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 60-year old patient responded, "Did I say he was dead?"

The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is your father and is he very active?"

The patient answered, "Well, he is 82 years old and still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

The doctor couldn't believe it. So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"

The patient shot back, "Did I say he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old, and both your father and grandfather are alive!! Is your grandfather very active?"

The patient replied, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that....my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week, he is getting married again."

"Heavens," the doctor said, "At 106 years, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"

"Did I say he wanted to??"

From my sister who has heard about these conditions from neighbors

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and continue to grow in the middle.

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know until the 4th of July.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

I have mixed feelings about this one.

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years...chatting, and enjoying each others friendship.

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says,...."Please don't be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years...What is your name ? I am trying to remember, but I just can't. "

The older friend glares at her at first. Then, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally says, "How soon do you have to know?"

From Jerry M...personal experience?

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out...

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun - and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.

What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker, and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas because it's too risky of an investment.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

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Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
Copyright Jerold H. Feinstein, PE 1997-00 All rights reserved; contact for permission to use
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