You've got questions? He's got answers! Go ahead and Ask The President

---

Letters to Ask The President may be edited for clarity.

Dear Mr President,

I would like to ask if your intention is to actually remove Saddam Hussein or just leave him present for another day for political gain as did your Daddy during the Gulf war. This was when the level headed patriotic military generals of the US and allied forces wanted to vaporize him.

I believe you have been discussing the matter of a form of missile defence shield with our own dear Emperor Blair, if you do build part of it to cover Europe do you think the French should be protected, I ask this as they seem to constantly criticize the US in its policy.

Last but not least, why haven't you invaded Canada yet?, it seems a perfectly good idea to me, you could turn it into a very large parking structure.

Phil, London, England.

Dear Phil,

About that Saddam Hussein fella, well I'm gonna remove him from power, mark my words. Daddy didn't wants to take him out because he was partly responsible for giving Saddam his weapons of mass destruction. Now I think Saddam doesn't have any weapons, so it's safe to move in and kills or capture him.

Tony Blair is emperor now? I thought he was your king. And as far as those danged Frenches are concerned, they won't be protected under any missile defense shield of mine, I can tells you that much.

I had to look at one of them pictures with all the countries on it to see where that Canada is, and I think you're right - we should invade them. They is sneakin' up on us from the north! Why hasn't anybody told me about this?! I've never been to Canada, and don't plan on it any time soon since they is run by liberals. I'll probably visit the troops there on Thanksgiving, if we do invades it. Oh, do they have oil?

God Bless Me,
W

Dear Mr Bush ,

Congradulations for your War on Afghan hounds i am sure those evil 'Mad Dogs' will never bother the United States of Texas and the 59 others again . Where is Mr Bin Laden and Mullah Omar , is there any truth in the reports that they are on well deserved break in Hawaii , or possibly on tour with zee zee top ? Secondly with the new President of Columbia can you ensure a Purer quality product for the American markets , have you sampled the new commodities , is it good can you get me a discount ?

In God we trust,
Simon Xattak

Dear Simon,

Thanks for your congradulations, our war in Afghanistan is going quite well. I also appreciates you telling me about how evil them Afghan hounds is. I never did trust them, what with their long hair and all. As far as Bin Laden is corncerned, I'm not sure where he's at. Really don't care neither. I needs him to remain at large, because leaders like me needs a bogeyman to scare ignorant Americans with.

As far as things in Columbia go, no I can't get you a discount. However, I can pull some strings and maybe has you assigned to one of them death squads down there. That way you can check out the jungle for yourself and find how pure things are. If you find them to be "very, very pure" then contact me at once and we'll kick back on the roof of the White House some night and test it out.

God Bless Me,
W

Hello,Mr.Bush!

I've got some interesting questions for you.

1) Some time ago you fell in love with our President, V.Putin; you even invited him to your rancho in Texas. But he kicked your a#s, when he said, that Russia wouldn't support the war. What's your attitude to him now?

2)Where have you left your brain? If you don't need it, you can send it to me. I suppose it's so small and hard, that I could use it as a ball for golf.

3)Aren't you ill? I think, yes. In my opinion, you've got an atypical oil fever. If it's so, I can send you an oil - bottle or two. Suck it, be healthy and don't kill Iraqi children!

4) Every day I hear 'bout a "friendly fire". So, I can't understand, why have u chosen the territory of Irak for the war with Great Britain?

5)And the last question. Can you find Russia on the map?

From Russia with love,
Azazel

Dear Azazel,

Whew! You ask a lot of questions for someone from Russia. Was you in the GKB at one point? Anyway, let me gets to answerin' them:

1) I am very dissapointed with your Master Commrade Putin. I thought for sure he'd be into killin' bunches of people, but he said he was too busy with other things like Chechy-something or other. Maybe he meant Cheney? Is they planning on over throwing me? Oh, you dirty Russian revolutionaries!

2) I thinks my brain is still in my head. In fact, I'm sure of it because if I reads too much then it gets to hurting. By the way, how did you know how tiny and hard my brain are? I thought medical records is supposed to be secretive, like an energy policy task force. Danged Russian spys!

3) Yes, I do have oil fever. However, we're not talking bottles - I need barrels of the stuff to fix my itch. Hundreds and thousands of barrels. A day. So when can you sends them?

4) You must be cornfused, I isn't at war with them British folks. They are the only allies in my coalition of the willing that doesn't get eye rolls and laughs when I mentions them. Of course, friendly fire isn't very friendly and I hates to see peoples who support me get killed and stuff. But really, I've heard almost all the British fellows are queer-like, so it's probably God's will that they are dying.

5) Sure I can find it on what you call a "map"...just give me a second or two...can I at least have a hint where to start lookin' at?

God Bless Me,
W.

Dear Führer,

I have three questions for you, I hope they are not too difficult.

First: Obviously you have some plans for Syria as you´re saying they may have chemical weapons. War in Iraq is almost over now and no weapons of mass destruction were found. If you decide to attack Syria how will you get any support from other countries?

Second: Throughout the history all superpowers have fallen due to unbalanced and power-hungry leaders. What are your thoughts on the future of the USA?

Third: What is your IQ?

Thank you,
Mariann, Europe

Dear Mariann,

First let me start by sayin' I loved you on Gilligan's Island. Do you still has those outfits you was always wearing? Also, thanks for calling me fuhrer. It's been a long time since I've heard my old Skull and Bones nickname. Okay, on to your questions:

1) Since Iraq didn't have any weapons of mass destruction, they must have gone some place. And I says that place is Syria. Do I really believe it? No, of course not. But that's all I has to say and the American peoples will wave flags and send their kids off to die there. See how easy it'll be?

2) I share your concerns about America. It is true that superpowers have fallen to unbalanced and power hungry leaders. I guess that's why American are so danged lucky to have me in charge. I don't plan on leaving office ever, so you'll never have to worry about something like that happening to my great nation.

3) Why does everyone want to know my IQ? It has no bearings on my intelligences, but it was a very high number. I can't remembers exactly what it was, but I think it was somewhere between 10 and 13.

God Bless Me,
W

Hey Dumbya!

I'm a dark skinned girl and proud of it. Oh no! I should not have told u that because you think all dark skinned people are terrorists! Do you hate arabs as well as muslims? Oh and do you know the difference?

Why is it that you got out of the draft in the army and you are sending innocent soldiers in a war to fight that you cowardly got away from?

Caramel_6910

Dear Caramel,

I'm glad you is proud of your skin color. Of course, if you was white you'd know just how much better life could be. Then again, you're a female, so really it's about the same as being ethnical. And no, I wouldn't say I hate Arabs as well as Muslims. I think I hates them just a little bit less than Muslims. As for the differences between them... I think one hates me for cultural reasons and the other hates me for religious reasons. Am I right?

As far as getting out of the draft and sending people to die, etc., etc. the answer is quite simple. Did I mention I was white? And rich?

God Bless Me,
W

I have a question. My firend Chazalyn wrote to you and got your autograph. I was wondering:

a. may i please have your address so i can write to you and

b. was that you writing everything or just your autograph.

P.S. my mothers cousin works [or worked] at the white house.

vze4x2rq

Dear Vze4x2rq,

You wanted my address so that you could write to me, so here it is:

President Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington D.C.

You said your mother's cousin once worked at the White House? It must have been during the Clinton administration. I'll bet she was molested by that evil Bill Clinton, too. The man is a walking Viagra ad.

God Bless Me,
W

Dear Mr. President,

How bad is the pressure on you controlling the United states, and with a war on your hands? Just thought I would ask.

Small town girl from Wisconsin.

P.S. Just as you say Mr. President, Sir "And God Bless America!!

Dear Small Town Girl From Wisconsin,

Pressure? I feel no pressure running the United States. I have an ability to seperate my mind from my surrounding enviroment so that I'm unaffected by events around me. I think there's a fancy word for that condition too. Let me look in my file to see what it is. Oh yeah, here it is: sociopathic. Not sure what it means but I think it means I'm a "man of the peoples".

God Bless Me,
W