You've got questions? He's got answers! Go ahead and Ask The President

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Letters to Ask The President may be edited for clarity.

Dear Resident Bush,

I have a question for you, and I would appreciate it very much if you would think long and hard about your answer:

Just who in the F**K do you think you are?

Sincerely,
Deirdre M in San Diego

Dear Deirdre,

Thank you for your kind words. To answer your question, let me say that I am George, George W. Bush, leader of the free world and president of the United State of Americas. I am also the answer to all your prayers and dreams and have been ordained by God Himself to enlighten the world with my wit and intellectistic skills.

God bless me,
W.

Dear Mr.President:

I am glad e-mail to you. May I have copy of an inaugural speech draft on 20 Jan, 2001? Because I have to study in my English class, thanks for your kind helping.

Best Regard
ann Hsieh

Dear Ann,

Your letter makes me proud. Not only are you a person from a foreign country who recognizes how great America is, but you also know that my English is much gooder than those who don't like me say it is. I have always felt I could teaches language to a children with no problem, so feels free to print up a copy of my Inaugural Speech. It will makes you speak the best English ever and I know you'll get good grades - possibly as high as a C+!!!

God bless me,
W.

Dear President Gore,

When are you going to live up to your campaign promises and do something about our ecological problems?

Sincerely,

David R. Rasputin

Dear David,

Your letter cornfused me and I had to check with my advisors to make sure that I was still president and that Al Gore hadn't taken back his concessions speech again. Well, luckily I'm still the pres (whew!) so I can answer your question.

As you may knows, Vice President Cheney and I have been working hardly on our ecological problems, and feel we have generated many more than there were during that horrible Clinton administration. We will not rest until there are nuclear power plants, power lines and coal-burners in every national park and wildlife refuge.

God bless me,
W.

We need prime time press conferences. Why have you, Mr. President, refused to answer the specific questions of the press so the American people can see and hear your responses? What are you afraid of? Is the thought of being without a carfully prepared script and not speaking to a favorable audience so terrifying?

het_36@yahoo.com

Dear het_36,

I couldn't agree more. Believe me, there's nothing I love better than telling other peoples what I thinks. When I first became president I tried to host a couple of news conferences, and even did them without a script. I wanted those news folks to sees me as I really am. Unfortunately, all recordings of those events were ruined by heavy laughter from the very journalists covering my speech. I don't know why that happened, didn't seem very common sensical to me. So now I just avoid such things as much as possible. People don't laugh at me as much, I don't get prank phone calls from foreign leaders, and my advisors seem less suicidal.

God bless me,
W.

Would you object if your supporters appointed Jane Goodall, the world's foremost primatologist, to give you speech therapy?

If she taught you to communicate like a homo sapien, do you think this would improve your image (a) to the American electorate, and (b) to the animal kingdom?

Could you ask Jane Goodall to relay this question to the President please?

lasvegasnewsman@aol.com

Dear lasvegasnewsman,

I'm not sure what to make of your letter. I get a regular check-up from my doctor, so I don't have need for a primatologist as my tailpipe has been given an "all clear" by the doc. Secondly, while I have nothing against homos I don't think I should start talking like one. Also, just so you know, animals hate my guts.

God bless me,
W.

A Concerned American

Dear Concerned American,

First of all, I plan to run for the presidency in 2004, though I wouldn't call it re-signing, since I didn't have to sign anything the first time, I just told my daddy I wanted to be president and he said "OK Georgie". After I win the White House again (whether I actually win or not) I can then enforce my monarchy by reason of insanity and maybe will even try that sedition thing. Does it hurt? Oh, and to answer your first question, because the Bush family is blessed by God and we know what's best for all peoples whether they believe in it or not.

God blessed me,
W.