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Election
Special Update
Retina Sworn In At Inauguration Ceremony The United States of America received it's 48th President when Indigo Retina was sworn in on the steps of the Capitol early on January 20th, 2020. Some protesters showed up, but mostly people stood happily below the raised platform that Former President Connery and his Former Vice President Nicholas Cage, along with Indigo Retina and Odephius McAntismash. Other prominent lawmakers were there, such as Senate Minority Leader MegaStrom Thurmond and Supreme Court Justice Ally McBeal. After being sworn in at exactly 12:00 noon, President Indigo Retina delivered his inaugural address. The following is a transcript of that address. Hello all of my fellow citizens. Today, we look forward to a time of great change. (Applause) I think I speak for everyone when I say that I thought this day would never arrive: the day that the campaign is complete and the election is over and all we have to do is sit around with our eyes shut, gritting our teeth, waiting to see how good of a president I will be. Well, I can assure you, my fellow citizens, that I anxiously await the answer to that question as well. Am I qualified? Of course I am. It takes more than military might to win over a nation. Some critics say a majority voted for me because they just wanted this election to end. I say that either way I still won. And, on that note, I will move on. What hopes and dreams do you have, you the American public? I will say here and now quite fervently that I will make it my solemn duty and honor to fulfill those hopes and dreams for the betterment of our society. If that means getting rid of the electoral college system, so be it. I really don't see how that system betters America anyhow, what with the controversy and the pain and the "owie"ness and the thing and the...person. (Applause) I will shape a foreign policy unparalleled in its hypocrisy. (Applause). We can handle world affairs multilaterally by ourselves. We are powerful enough to dictate to other nations what they want us to do. This will be the building block of my administration. Go it alone? Not hardly. We will seek the approval of the world community, and if we do not get that approval, we can say "Well, at least we tried" (Applause) Who among you will be a President someday. I will tell you that I never dreamed, even 10 years ago, that I would be standing here today. Whether you are a man or woman, rich or poor, you have the ability to run for President of the United States, although no woman has ever successfully run for President, and albeit you need lots of money to do it, and getting federal matching funds is a son of a.....I would like to thank Mr. Connery and Mr. Cage for their kindness. I would like to acknowledge Satch DeLeon, Nelson DiChezzerai, and Zeus for a hard-fought campaign that never let me rest for an instant. I would like to acknowledge Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, wherever he is, Scruff McGruff, and Picky McNotuse for giving Odephius a run for his money. And mostly, I would like to thank everyone who voted for me, especially the ones who did it in both elections. You are the reason I stand before you today, your humble servant and President. (Applause) I have a final message, and this message is for Congress: I'm watching you guys. Don't think I don't know what you're up to with your desks and your democracy. Don't forget: if it's up to me, the House of Representatives is outta here....oh wait, it is up to me! (Mixed applause and confusion. Vice President Odephius McAntismash goes up to President Indigo Retina, taps him on the shoulder, and whispers in his ear. Retina nods.) And one final thing. To the owner of a 2014 Ford Windstar parked in spot C-42. Your lights are on. Thank you and God Bless America. (Applause)Perhaps one of the greatest speeches of Indigo Retina's life. Well, that just about wraps it up for the Election of 2020. Pop in every so often. We'll be keeping you updated about the Retina presidency and all of President Indigo Retina's many fables and even foibles. This is ABNBS reporter Quentin Seamont, signing off. Check the Election Update from the First Week of the Election Crisis Second Week of the Election Crisis Third Week of the Election Crisis Fourth Week of Election Crisis Fifth Week of the Election Crisis Sixth Week of the Election Crisis The Inauguration of President Indigo Retina How'd we get here from there? Check it all out at the Campaign Trail Headline Links
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