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Skip to Former Retina 2020 Updates

Indigo Retina tentatively plans to run for President in the year 2020 on the Transgressive Party ticket. In order to ensure he will win, he has decided to start 20 years before the presidential race begins. For his vice-president, Retina will call upon the talents of Mr. Odephius McAntismash, a noted daredevil turned Senator from Oregon. Here's what he hopes to accomplish during his term, if elected.
  • Knowledge chip implants for all children, eliminating the need for inefficient school.
  • A declaration of an official White Male History Month, finally recognizing the neglected category of society: the caucasian male.
  • The carving of Sir Gary Coleman's holy visage on Mt. Rushmore
  • The invasion and conquest of Canada because, come on, Canada? They can't govern themselves? Can they?
  • A reversion to Cold War politics with Russia, in order to revive the dying need for James Bond-like action movies.
  • The creation of a faster, simpler, 3D World Wide Web, much like in the movie "Johnny Mnemonic"
  • The expansion of US forces to guard unstable and undemocratic nations like Britain, France, Germany, and that little bugger Luxembourg
  • The setup and execution of World Wars 3, 4, and 5
  • The disbanding of the House of Representatives because, hey, this isn't a freakin' circus 'ere.
  • The joint resolution of Congress (before the disbanding of said House) to kick some major illegal immigrant booty.
  • The usage of the A-Team in all covert ops
  • Development of a computerized car called K.I.T.T. which is capable of MicroJam, sensor tech, and vocal access protocol. The hiring of David Arquette to be K.I.T.T's guardian will throw off the funniness of the "Knight Rider" reference....or will it?
  • The banning of the film "Monkeybone" and all sequels, including "Monkeybone Goes to Paris", "Monkeybone: The Return of Monkeybone", and "Monkeybone: The Revenge of the Return of Monkeybone".
  • The thawing of Barbara Walters for the personal in-depth interview of the new President.
  • The replacement of the federal budget with the image of a single, bald, nervous accountant attempting to use Microsoft Excel 2020 to calculate the defense budget.
  • The creation of a "President M.C. Hammer, We Hardly Knew Ye." memorial in Georgia, somewheres.
And that's only some of the great ideas Indigo Retina is kicking around the office.

Retina also knows who his opponents will be. Their names are:

Nelson DiChezzerai/Picky McNotuse
Blinky Blinky Wicky Wacky Party Candidates

Satch DeLeon/Scruff McGruff
Tragically Hip Party Candidates

Zeus/Artie (The Strongest Man...In The World)
Deity Party Candidates

The Campaign Trail

Week 1: Presidential Race Kicks Off
Week 2: DiChezzerai Gains California's 57 Electoral Vots
Week 3: 3 Votes Between Retina, DeLeon; DeLeon, DiChezzerai
Week 4: Electoral College Split 3 Ways: "The hell?", Experts say.
Week 5: DeLeon, DiChezzerai Pick Vice Presidential Candidates
Week 6: Vice President Choices Spark Electoral College Shift: DiChezzerai Leads
Week 7: DeLeon Support Dries Up In West: Retina Leads Again
Week 8: Deity Party Announces Candidates: Deity Primaries Next Week
Week 9: Jesus Drops Out Before Primaries: Zeus Becomes Deity Front-Runner
Week 10: Zeus Grabs Most of New England's Electoral Votes
Week 11: Zeus Picks VP: Artie From "The Adventures of Pete and Pete"
Week 12: Transgressive Party Convention To Be Held This Week
Week 13: Transgressive Party Convention Held This Week: Full coverage
Week 14: BBWW, Deity, Tragically Hip Party Conventions Held: Full coverage
Week 15: Conventions Spark Electoral College Shift: States too close to call give Satch DeLeon lead
Week 16: Scandal Rocks Campaigns: Scruff McGruff Secrets Exposed
Week 17: Panama Could Gain Statehood Before Election: Change in Electoral College May Ensue
Week 18: Panama Gains Statehood: Electoral College Shifts Again
Week 19: Major Week of Debates Ends: Results Tallied
Week 20: Exclusive Look at Candidates: 1 Week and Counting Until Election
Week 21: Election Night
Week 22: Recounts?
Week 23: Recounts.
Week 24: December 12th Cometh
Week 25: Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
Week 26: President Connery Surrenders
Week 27: Retina Makes Presidential Cabinet Appointments
Week 28: Indigo Retina Sworn In At Inauguration Ceremony

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