THE COMPLETE MATT
SINGER WRITING ARCHIVE
This is the complete
archive of all of my writing available online. I've broken it down into
major sections, one for school-related essays,
and one for all of my online columns and
reviews. On with the show!
THE
ONLINE COLUMN ARCHIVES
Since April of 2000, I've been
contributing monthly, biweekly, and weekly columns to a variety of online magazines. I
started off at REACTOR Magazine, where I wrote the comic commentary column "I Need
Attention" and an unusual movie review column called "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly."
Sadly, REACTOR folded. GBU moved from The Mad Review, to Grayhaven Magazine, to its
current home at Movie Poop Shoot. Meanwhile,
through some contacts I made at REACTOR, I started contributing comic book reviews to
another site PopImage. Eventually that led to a weekly column called From The Wire,
satirizing comics in a fake-news style a la The Onion.
Me homepage here serves as your one stop shop (A one stop shop that doesn't charge, but I
digress) for all my work. For the stuff that is no longer available online, there are
text versions located here. For my current columns (From The Wire and the most recent
GBUs), you will find links that'll take you to the columns. So enjoy!
The
Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Out
of Sight, End of Days, and Gymkata
The Sting,
The Thin Red Line, and The Avenging Disco Godfather
The Blues
Brothers, Blues Brothers 2000, and Cube
Hard Boiled,
Battlefield Earth, and Jaws: The Revenge
Raiders of
the Lost Ark, An Alan Smithee Film, and No Holds Barred
High Fidelity,
Highlander: Endgame, and Godzilla 2000
This
is Spinal Tap, Gone in 60 Seconds, and The Human Tornado
American
Movie, Big Daddy, and Riki Oh
Take
the Money and Run, Coyote Ugly, and Simon Sez
Hearts
of Darkness, Staying Alive, and Mighty Peking Man
Legend
of Drunken Master, Orgy of the Dead, and The Pumaman
Fatty
Drives The Bus, American Psycho, Commando
Vertigo,
Color of Night, Hell Comes To Frogtown
The Manchurian
Candidate, Spider-Man: The Dragon's Challenge, Killer Nerd
Sweet Smell
of Success, Rollerball (2002), Road House
Office
Space, Double Dragon, KISS Meets the Phantom
The Taking
of Pelham One Two Three, Bones, The Van
Total
Recall, Hercules In New York, Commando
12 Angry Men, Comic Book Villains, Orca: The Killer Whale
Roger & Me, Chairman of the Board, Steel
Charade, The Crawling Eye, Plan 9 From Outer Space
Gimme Shelter, Glitter, Cool as Ice
Heat, Urban Legend, Wolfman
Escape From New York, Ishtar, Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero
Rosemary's Baby, Ringmaster, Evil Brain From Outer Space
White Heat, Murder By Numbers, On Deadly Ground
The Worst Films of 2002
Blazing Saddles, The Jerky Boys Movie, The Evil Within
Bugsy, House Arrest, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
The French Connection, Wild Guitar, Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
The Shining, Highlander 2: The Quickening, Ed
When We Were Kings, Basket Case, Mommie Dearest
Peeping Tom, The Avengers, Something Weird
Sherlock Jr., Head, Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal
Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, Johnny Mnemonic, Troll 2
Apocalypse Soon, Doggie Tails Vol. 1, The Stabilizer
The Bad and The Beautiful, Cemetary Man, The Howling: New Moon Rising
Ed Wood, Cop and a Half, Santo Vs. The Martians
An American Werewolf in London, The Mesa of Lost Women, Fair Game
Paradise Lost, The Double-D Avenger, Five Deadly Venoms
Goldfinger, Remo Williams, Kill Squad
Stalag 17, Town & Country, Earthquake
Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, Day of the Nightmare, Poochinski
Wet Hot American Summer, Altered States, Terror of Tiny Town
Taxi Driver, The Killer Who Stalked New York, Psychomania
Army of Darkness, Shaft, Blood of Ghastly Horror
Playtime, The Birth of a Nation, Radar Men From The Moon
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, At First Sight, Rhinestone
Bad Disney
Three Kings, Wing Commander, Reptilicus
The Dead Zone, The Country Bears, Wild Side
L.A. Confidential, An Alan Smithee Film, Gymkata
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Caddyshack II, Bulletproof
In a Lonely Place, Mr. Wrong, Big Money Hustla$
Before Sunrise, Last Action Hero, Voyage of the Rock Aliens
Forbidden Planet, Run Ronnie Run, Pink Flamingos
Capturing the Friedmans, Carpool, The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms
The Long Goodbye, Halloween: Resurrection, Outlaw Force
The Man With No Name Trilogy, Going Overboard, Queen of Outer Space
Blow Out, Myra Breckinridge, Die! Die! My Darling!
The Awful Truth, Indestructible Man, Vampirella
Anatomy of a Murder, The Truth About Charlie, Showgirls
The Harder They Come, Viva Knievel!, Point Break
Frenzy, Slackers, The Pumaman
Hopscotch, Weekend At Bernie's, Truck Turner
Fanzillacon Festival Report
Easy Rider, All The Queen's Men, Assassination
Adam's Rib, A View to a Kill, Attack of the Crab Monsters
David Cross: Let America Laugh, Kid Galahad, Aventurera
The Testament of Dr. Mabuse, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The Warriors
The Seven Year Itch, The Scarlet Letter, Anaconda
Broadcast News, 1941, The Apple
Tape, Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round, The Green Slime
The Last Picture Show, Xanadu, Hulk Still Rules
...And read the latest column right HERE.
Pop Thought Reviews
The Matrix Revolutions
The Cooler
Mona Lisa Smile
The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King
Paycheck
Mystic River
21 Grams
Top Ten of 2003
The Last Samurai
Torque
On The Run
City of God
Monster
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
My Architect
Starsky & Hutch
Spartan
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Hellboy
Walking Tall
Dogville
Kill Bill Vol. 2
The Punisher
Godzilla (1954)
Van Helsing
Super Size Me
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
The Terminal
Dodgeball
Fahrenheit 9/11
Spider-Man 2
Before Sunset
Anchorman
The Five Obstructions
Napoleon Dynamite
The Bourne Supremacy
Catwoman
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
Los Angeles Plays Itself
The Leopard
Collateral
Little Black Book
Bright Leaves
The Brown Bunny
The Slush Factory/UGO Reviews
Punch-Drunk Love
Die Another Day
Solaris
Extreme Ops
Adaptation
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
About Schmidt
Catch Me If You Can
Antwone Fisher
Chicago
Gangs of New York
Narc
25th Hour
Kangaroo Jack
The Recruit
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Shanghai Knights
Daredevil
The Hours
Old School
The Pianist
Cradle 2 The Grave
The Hunted
Spider
Spirited Away
Phone Booth
Head of State
Anger Management
Bend It Like Beckham
Bulletproof Monk
X2: X-Men United
The Matrix Reloaded
Identity
Bruce Almighty
Finding Nemo
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
The Italian Job
The Hulk
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Bad Boys II
28 Days Later
Spellbound
Gigli
American Wedding
S.W.A.T.
American Splendor
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
SPECIAL!A Mighty Wind Interview!!
Matchstick Men
Bubba Ho-Tep
Anything Else
The School of Rock
Kill Bill: Volume 1
Bad Santa
The
Best of Matt's IMDb Reviews
Annie Hall
Battlefield Earth
Breakin' 2: Electric
Boogaloo
Dolemite
Fatty Drives The Bus
Glen or Glenda
Ice Cream Man
KISS Meets The Phantom
Memento
Rambo III
Simon Sez
The Skulls
Sleuth
You Better Watch Out
(AKA Christmas Evil)
REVIEW INDEX
From
The Wire
Week Twenty-Five--I dunno who I'm kidding with this "week" stuff, I write one of these each time the leaves change, but anyway, 3 more articles by yours truly. I like the one about Grant Morrison's magic drug blood the best.
Week Twenty-Four--3 articles, 2 by myself, thrown together when some content was needed, but it's pretty solid. Nicolas Cage is just a bit too easy a target.
Week Twenty-Three--3 articles that I think, quite frankly, are among the best I've done in FTW. But what do I know? I thought Jackass was brilliant.
Week Twenty-Two--3 articles by me. The first was particularly
good, though it's a strong column overall.
Spider-Man Special Edition --A very special From The Wire
"Point/Counterpoint" about, what else, whiny comic book fans. Just venting my
frustrations; these opinions in no way reflect my own opinion about the movie;
I'm so excited I've lost control of my bladder. Again.
Week Twenty-One --3 articles by me, the first one's probably the
best, "Rob Liefeld Signs Rob Liefeld to Exclusive Contract." FTW's pretty
much become a one-man show at this point, but I still do what I can.
Week Twenty --3 articles about The Authority, all written by me.
It's been a long time a'coming, but FTW finally returns, with what I think's
a pretty funny issue. Hopefully you agree. If not, blame the Electric Light
Orchestra. I've found they make fine scapegoats in any situation.
Week
Nineteen --3 articles, by me. The most popular amongst the online
glitterati is a piece entitled "Oni Press Getting Cocky." If you don't
read comics, you definitely won't get it. If you do read comics, and don't
get it, that's ok. I'm insane.
Week
Eighteen --3 articles, 1 by me, a silly piece about Two-Face.
The other two pieces are the standouts; Stan Lee's Vertigo (with great
accompanying image) and more fanboy mockage.
Week
Seventeen --3 articles, all co-written by me. Makin' fun of online
message boards, geeks, and a "smashed" Hulk.
Week
Sixteen --3 articles, 1 by me. A piece about those wacky Bush
Daughters and an intervention led by The Mighty Avengers.
Week
Fifteen --3 articles, all by me. Another week where we got some
nice comments. An article on the silly "Marvel Dog" (if you don't know,
don't ask), plus a cool one on called "'Planetary Better Than Sex!' Fan
Guesses." Well it is; I assume it is anyway.
Week
Fourteen --3 articles by me. I think I'm getting more consistently
almost funny (Note I didn't say funny). But my weak articles I think are
less weak. If I'm making sense...this week, Dick Cheney gets a suit of
iron, some geeks fight over who's geekier, and more. I like this installment.
Week
Thirteen --3 articles, 2 by me. I like the last one, comparing
comic book geeks with devoted followers of horrible sports teams.
Week
Twelve --3 articles, 2 by me. But the best this week is one by
Chris Ryall, a hilarious piece about Doctor Doom's dating life. Read it
now!
Week
Eleven --3 articles, all by me, our best received one yet. The
lead story, is absolutely disgusting, and not intended for younger viewers,
but has garned the best reaction of any column so far. Joe Quesada, editor
in chief of Marvel comics called it "Distgusting...but very funny!" Plus
several people were completely convinced we were real, thanks to some
nice mentions on some comic news websites. Also, a piece on Kavalier and
Clay, and Yoda. My favorite installment so far.
Week
Ten --3 articles, 1 by me. A piece called "Hero Interupts Battle
To Use Cell Phone"
Week
Nine --3 articles, all by me. Includes gags on the new Green Arrow,
and a piece on Marvel and the Comic Code that has some very adult language
so read with caution.
Week
Eight --3 articles, 1 by me, one combining The Infinity Gauntlet
and Jem and the Holograms. Interesting result. Also a great piece on the
Marvel Mature line by Chris Ryall.
Week
Seven --3 articles, 1 by me. Spider-Man weirdness; plus DC's "Fey"boys
and Bendis' Clone Army.
Week
Six --A special HULK ONLY installment of FTW, featuring 4 Hulk
articles, 1 by me. Great stuff here, making fun of Dr. Laura, The Sopranos,
and beans!
Week
Five --3 articles, 1 by me (with 1 assist). FTW polls the public
in this issue, plus a look at the newest Survivor: The Savage Land.
Week
Four --4 articles, 2 by me. Includes Rambo versus Doctor Doom
and some poor superhero spelling.
Week
Three --3 articles, 1 by me. A shocking report entitled "Adam
West Makes Convention Appearance"
Week
Two --4 articles, 2 by me (with 1 assist). Featuring goofs on
John Byrne, Wizard, and a favorite "The Phantom Promises to Slam Evil,
Tequilla"
Week One
--4 articles, 2 by me. Includes articles on The Authority and the defunct
Psycomic.com
Preview
Issue --4 articles total, all by me. Spoofs on, among other things,
Reed Richards and the Captain America movies.
... WITH MORE FROM THE WIRE COMING SOON!!!
My
PopImage Comic Reviews
Way of The Rat TPB
Comic
Wars
The Punisher: Welcome Back Frank
Bluntman
and Chronic GN
All
Star Comics #8
The
Shadow #1
Thor
Visionaries: Walter Simonson
Wildcats:
Serial Boxes
Ultimate
Spider-Man: Power & Responsibility
The X-Presidents
The
Authority: Relentless
The Human
Target
StormWatch:
Change Or Die
I
Need Attention
Comics
at Syracuse University
The X-Men
Movie
Hostess Fruit
Pie Comics
The Comic
Coffee Shop
The 1999 Academy
Awards
ESSAYS
Wonder what
the hell I do up here all the time? Well after many, many thousands of
requests, I have decided to begin posting some of my essays and such on
my page.
A Driving, Savage Beat- My first grad student paper, and it's an A! Man was this ever a relief. This 5 page paper is a close textual reading of the opening sequence of the immortal Shaft, and the ways its mise-en-scene and sound shape the viewers' impressions
Chasing
Kevin Smith- A paper I wrote for a TRF class a while back, examining
the films of Kevin Smith.
My WERW
Ad- This was a proposed ad I suggested for our campus radio station.
I think it's pretty funny, and no one ever got to see it, so here it is.
A Public
Service Announcement- I was assigned to make a public service
announcement which promoted nutrition to teens. Not an easy assignment.
This was what I came up with. Sick and bizzare, but hopefully funny as
well. And please everyone, don't forget that fruit have feelings too.
The Player
and Shallow Grave- Acting completely on a whim, I wrote a rather
lengthy discussion of the two films I rented one weekend. This was unsolicited
and completely improvised, no preplanning, and little editing. Just to
get some feelings off my chest. But I'm posting it here mostly to constantly
remind myself how shamelessly I desire others to be showering me with
praise.
The
Informant- A short script that I wrote, directed, and starred
in for my Intro to Production class last spring. It came out all right
I guess. If you don't like it, I assure you, it was better on the screen.
The
Western is Dead, Long Live the Western- Here's a paper from my
Film and Culture class in which I make the argument that Die Hard is a
sort of "neo-Western," or a Western brought to modern times. Not bad,
really the major faults in it are due to my page limit. This could only
be four pages tops, and my first draft was seven. So there isn't quite
as much real evidence from the film as I could have included. But I think
it's still a strong essay nonetheless.
The
Eyes Have It- The latest script, this one for my Single Camera
Production class. It could use a second draft to trim some of the dialogue,
but I think otherwise it reads pretty nicely. Be warned though, THIS SCRIPT
CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE. It's not a whole lot, but it's there, purely
in service of the authenticity of the story, I assure you. And Mom, you
always said only people in movies like the Ghostbusters could talk like
this, so I figure it's okay. Besides, you say stuff like this all the
time.
--An update on this stuff. The final version of this script, entitled
"High/Low" was almost entirely different than the one you can read here.
The two main characters, Baker and Slick remain, and the subject matter
of cards, but everything else was changed, the plot, the motivations,
the ages of the characters. On the plus side though, I got an A on the
script. So shows what they know!
