Plot:
2 guys are carrying a crate when natives surround them. They are to leave the monkey or die. A very zealous zoo official whips out his machine gun and drives the natives off and carries the cage off. A chase ensues.
The zoo guy gets to the jeep and is bitten by the monkey. The bearers realize what that means. Stopping the jeep, they lop off his hand, arm, and head.
The monkey is loaded aboard a plane and flown to New Zealand.
In a neighborhood grocery store, Paquita greets Roger, the milkman. She almost throws her back out throwing herself at Roger. Her grandmother brings out a deck of Tarot cards to read her fortune. Roger isn’t her destiny. However, a great romance will be revealed by a sign.
Lionel Cosgrove comes in for his order. Paquita can’t really stand him until Lionel accidentally reveals the symbol. She automatically starts chasing him who runs off scared.
Lionel returns home to hear Mum crying out for him. She receives a letter about be electing an officer in the local women’s club. Mum has Lionel cleaning the house again.
He is mowing the lawn when Paquita brings the groceries by. She manages to trick him into taking her to the zoo. Mum spies on them from in the house.
Zoo fu ensues. Lionel is chatting with Paquita and reveals his father drowned saving his life. They go off to see the monkeys. Let the swapping of spit begin. They see the evil of the Sumerian Rat Monkey. A zoo janitor reveals how the tree monkeys were raped by rats and used in black magic. Lionel seems interested in the story.
Mum is spying on them from near the monkey cages. She is bitten by the rat monkey and then stomps on its head, killing it. She demands that Lionel take her home. He goes and leaves Paquita behind.
Back at the house, Nurse McTavish patches up Mum’s wound. Mummy dearest continually chews Lionel out.
That night, Paquita drops by for a little visit. She climbs up the trellises to his room. As Lionel tries to explain why they can’t go out anymore, Paquita manages to let the lovin’ ensue. Sure there is to be some sort of subtext between love and as Mum begins to zombiefy.
Elsewhere, Paquita’s grandmother readies a special necklace. Can you say plot point?
The next morning, Lionel seems how bad shape Mum is in. The wound is severely gruesome. The women’s club president and her husband arrive to meet Mum.
Lionel cannot convince Mum to call it off. While getting ready, Mum tears a good size chunk of her cheek off. Lionel, always the good son, superglues it back in place.
Let the lunch ensue. However, I should warn that the following paragraph may be a bit gruesome for those who have weak stomachs. As the club president engages Mum in some small talk, she is getting more disturbed by how Mum seems to be drooling and so sickly. Lionel brings in the custard pudding for desert. The president’s husband digs into the pudding totally unaware of the extra creamy pus that oozed into his bowl by Mum. The president finally gets really freaked when Mum’s ear falls off and she eats it totally unaware of the self-cannibalism.
Later, Lionel is scrubbing the floor when Paquita warns him of evil surrounding him. Mum charges at Paquita but falls down the stairs. Paquita brings Nurse McTavish to take Mum to the hospital. While Paquita is out of the room, Mum dies. As Lionel is mourning, he doesn’t notice Mum start to moving and almost completely ripping McTavish’s head off. Lionel must contend with 2 zombies. He manages to lock them in the basement.
The next day, Lionel visits the nearby Nazi war-criminal veterinarian for sedatives. Back at the house, Lionel heads to the basement to trank Mum and McTavish.
Later, Lionel visits Paquita and her grandmother to learn of the dark forces aligning against him. Meanwhile, Zombie Mum breaks out of the basement. Lionel receives a sacred talisman, the aforementioned necklace. Zombie Mum is run over by a trolley and knocked at the feet Lionel and Paquita.
At Mum’s funeral, Uncle Les, Mum’s brother, hits on Paquita who can’t find Lionel. Lionel sneaks in the embalming room but is unable to trank Mum who is apparently over-embalmed. As Father McGruder begins his eulogy, Lionel battles Mum and is able to trank her before crashing into the middle of the service. Needless to say, that funeral crowd is stunned.
Afterwards, Lionel blows Paquita off. Les learns that Lionel is the sole heir to Mum’s fortune.
That night, in the cemetery, Lionel starts to dig up Mum’s grave when a group of bikers show up and rough Lionel up. Zombie Mum returns from his dirt cell with a vengeance to massacre the bikers. Father McGruder hears the racket and goes to investigate.
Lionel is surrounded by zombie bikers and Mum when Father McGruder arrives.
KUNG FU PRIEST ENSUES!!!
Let that sink in...
KUNG FU PRIEST ENSUES!!! until finally he is bitten and impaled. Lionel is able to trank all the zombies.
The next day, Lionel drugs the food he gives the zombies which are in the basement. Apparently, Zombie Nurse McTavish and Zombie Father McGruder want to plumb the depths of zombie reproduction. Lionel has to deal with Uncle Les who wants part of the inheritance. Les gets very interested when hearing the sound of the 2 backed wombats; he leaves Lionel to watch his dad’s old stag movies? However, he leaves Lionel.
Lionel separates the hard lovin’ zombies. Later, Zombie Nurse McTavish goes into labor.
Paquita can’t catch up with Lionel who is giving her the cold shoulder. He finally tries to talk with her when Roger knocks him down and leaves with the uber-hot chick himself.
At home, Lionel discovers the Zombie baby, the love child of McTavish and McGruder. Later, he takes the Zombie baby to the park in a carriage. Hilarity and Lionel’s injuries ensue.
Back at the house, Lionel finds that Uncle Les has discovered the zombies in the basement. Les wants the house and money to protect Lionel who agrees. Lionel drugs the zombies again.
Les has decided to have a kegger at the house. Les wants Lionel to get rid of the bodies before the party goes into full gear.
Elsewhere, Paquita has finally gotten sick of Roger’s incessant bragging about cricket or whatever sport he is the be-all-end-all of. She notices the noise at Lionel’s house and goes to investigate.
Paquita nads the much deserving Uncle Les when he tries hitting on her again. She hides in the basement and is almost zombie chow when Lionel comes to her rescue.
Paquita immediately realizes this was the fortune her grandmother predicted. He must destroy the zombies. He uses a poison on a shelf and buries the bodies.
Heading upstairs, Lionel and Paquita run into Uncle Les who smacks Paquita around and tosses Lionel back into the basement.
Lionel notices the poison bottle is also an animal stimulant. The zombies jump from their makeshift graves as supercharged zombies. Lionel barely escapes.
The zombies break out from the basement. Let the gore begin.
Lionel, Paquita and Les are in the closet when Les escapes outside.
The party guest are starting to get zombified.
Lionel holds the zombies back so Paquita can escape.
Uncle Les battles the zombies outside including even using a bit of dentistry.
The zombies quickly get most of the surviving humans in short order.
Paquita finds another survivor, Rita. They fortify the kitchen.
Lionel is trapped in the bathroom and escapes to the attic. In a trunk, he discovers a picture of his father with a blonde woman.
Back in the kitchen, Zombie Baby bites Rita. Paquita unsuccessfully tries to liquefy the little snot. She does punch the snot outside almost in the path of Uncle Les.
As Paquita tends to Rita’s bite, they let Les back in the kitchen. He immediately wants to eliminate Rita.
In the attic, Lionel finds more pictures of his dad and the mystery woman and her skeleton. Lionel is chased by a set of zombie intestines before falling through the floor and dangling from the ceiling. Paquita almost is able to grab his arm but he gets back to the attic.
Uncle Les is taking care of zombies. Chasing after Zombie Baby, he heads into the basement.
Lionel sees Paquita is in trouble and crashes through a window.
Uncle Les is killed by supercharged Zombie Mum.
Rita and Paquita are surrounded by zombies when Lionel arrives with possibly the only manlier weapon than a chainsaw: a lawnmower. Copious amounts of blood splatters about. HE’s takin’ care of business.
In the kitchen, Paquita fends off the zombies
Lionel keeps clearing paths through the zombies.
Paquita must deal with Zombie Baby that has just ripped Rita’s head apart. She turns on the gas and the kitchen starts to catch on fire.
Paquita and Lionel are all alone in the carnage. However, Lionel has to yet to take care of Mum who breaks through the floor. They race upstairs and onto the roof.
Zombie Mum gets there in short order. Lionel reveals he knows she killed dad and his girlfriend. Mum’s stomach splits and Lionel is dragged into it. Mum is about to finish off Paquita when the zombie seems to get some indigestion. Lionel uses the sacred necklace to cut his way out. Afterbirth fu.
Lionel and Paquita manage to get to safety before the house completely collapses from the fire. The Zombie baby is trapped in the flaming wreckage.
Lionel tosses the talisman away. Our intrepid couple heads off into the night.
