Hi, and welcome to the Llanview Follies, a celebration of the lighter side of the ABC soap, One Life to Live. I'm Emily Nance, and I started this page for all of you who cherish the memory of Asa and Alex's wedding, adore Todd and Dorian's scathing comments, and can't wait for the next quips between Bo and Nora. If you have any comments or suggestions, please e-mail me at umby12@msn.com.

This page is not affiliated with ABC Television or One Life to Live.

Thanks to Patrick of Llanview Online and Sandy of One Life to Live History Page for the pictures!

I was way behind, so I've abbreviated my best of the weeks from the last few weeks. Enjoy the best of the month!

  • Best of the Week--The funniest lines, exchanges, situations, and gaffes on OLTL
  • Caption This
  • Vote on Last Caption
  • Ministry of Silly Lists--This week's memo: Fantasies of Llanview's Men
  • Facetious Survey of the Week --Who's your favorite recurring character?
  • Funniest Scenes and Storylines (since 1992)
  • Todd's Notebook--Quotes from your Llanview's favorite bad boy
  • Virtual Viki--Haven't thought of OLTL's matriarch as funny? Guess again!
  • A Work in Progress by Mel Hayes--Mel Quote Page
  • Grab Bag--Quotes from Bo & Nora, Alex, Asa, and everyone else
  • Meet the Follies
  • Links (OLTL and some of my other favorites)

    Best of the Week


    For the Last Month

    Best Exchange September 1-5:
    (About Ian
    Blair: He's charming. He's polite.
    Dorian: Unlike Todd.
    And that accent. Everything out of his mouth sounds--I don't know--witty, classy.
    And no stupid parrot.

    Funniest Situation (intentional) September 1-5
    Nora's utter disgust at Bo's buying a motorcycle, and his defending himself was pretty funny.

    Best Lines August 25-29:
    Rachel: First, the two of you are arrested for throwing around pig heads. Then you go out and buy hogs. What is it with you two? Pork fetishes?

    Bo (seeing Andrew, River, and Eli): Here comes the father, son and the holy terror.

    Best Exchange August 25-29:
    Rachel: So, the bird doesn't like you.
    Téa: Correct.
    And Blair doesn't like you.
    Téa: Nope.
    And you don't like her.
    Téa: You're on a roll.
    But you do like that gold watch and the diamond ring.
    Téa: Don't forget the money.

    Funniest Situation August 25-29::
    A tie between Hank and Bo do Easy Rider and Byrd does "The Birds". I really love Hank and Bo's mid-life crisis...I mean, now they are getting to live out their fantasies too! And I love the fact that Bo went with Hank to talk him out of buying a motorcycle and ended up buying one himself, as well as the fact that he gravely underestimated Nora's reaction, much to Rachel and Hank's amusement. As for Byrd, I enjoyed his "stalking" of Téa and stealing (and trashing) her new watch, but I also enjoyed the aftereffects--mainly another thrust in the ongoing Blair/Téa spat.

    Something Funny Going On (unintentional humor) August 25-29:
    Rachel had a nice tongue twist--"Hank the Gannon Cannon" instead of Hank "The Cannon" Gannon. I know, picky, picky.

    Other Good Stuff
    Loved the wedding. I also enjoyed Todd and Téa's talks this week. While I would like to see Todd have a male friend other than Byrd, Téa is a good confidante. They match up well and have some terrific lines together. (Téa: You chose, with Blair standing right where you are now, to totally ignore the legal advice you pay me top dollar for, and which, not incidentally, was 100 percent on the mark. Todd: That's right. Téa: Might the translation of that be "I'm sorry"? Todd: Don't push it.) I love the fact that she doesn't put up with his bull or his bullying, and I like when he tells her to stand up for herself. I have waited restlessly for more than a year for a Todd/Blair reconciliation, but with this marriage to Téa I don't mind the wait at all. And now that Blair's back the relationship is getting better!

    Best Exchange August 18-22:
    Todd (learning of Clint and Viki's upcoming vacations): You shouldn't do that because the Sun's gonna clobber the Banner if nobody's at the wheel.
    Viki: Well, how sweet of you to be concerned, but, in fact, Kevin will be in the driver's seat.
    Todd: Oh, well, that'll get you where I want you to go--only faster.

    Funniest Situation August 18-22:
    I really enjoyed RJ and Jacara's confrontation about their new mixologist, Wendi Mercury, and the way Wendi handled both of them. RJ and Jacara fight well, and Wendi is a riot.


    For the Week of August 11-15

    Best Line:
    Renee (to Viki about Clint): You have the perfect marriage, except for the fact that you're divorced.

    Best Exchange:
    In the Newsroom
    Clint (to Viki): You have that look in your eye. Maybe I should call Security and have them come up and pat you down for dangerous vegetables.
    Mel (to Dorian): Did he say vegetables?
    Viki: Don't you be flip.
    Clint: A thousand pardons.
    Viki: All I want you to do is be honest about your anger!
    Clint: Ah, but keep it to myself. You have a lot of rules. Now, if I'm angry about anything, it's that--that bull's-eye glob of whatever that you put on the back of my favorite sport jacket.
    Viki: That was your own fault that I threw that tomato at you.
    Kevin (to Cassie): It was a tomato?
    Clint: Oh, and I suppose the first one you fired at me was my fault, too?
    Kevin: Two tomatoes.
    Viki: If you are going to confine your remarks to tomatoes--which, by the way, is a fruit, not a vegetable--then I see absolutely no reason to be any later for my appointment than I already am.
    Mel: Exit the fruit-hurler.
    Dorian: Mel, who do they remind you of?
    Mel: Oh, my God. Us.

    Funniest Situation (intentional)
    Clint and Viki, the argument, part II was terrific as well. But this time they had an audience: Kevin, Cassie, Mel, Dorian, Todd, Téa, and Renee. They were as amazed as we were to see the pillars of Llanview hurling insults at each other like there was no tomorrow...in public no less. It started in the Banner newsroom, with Clint and Viki storming past each other. Then with Mel, Dorian, Cassie, and Kevin watching, they went at it. Mel dragged Clint away...to the same restaurant where Viki happened to be meeting Todd and Téa for lunch. Téa didn't realize that her new sister-in-law was yelling at Clint, not at her, and her insecurities showed. It was almost as mortifying as Todd's table manners. (I love this little detail. I was always curious why Blair never tried to do anything about Todd's eating habits, and Tea's gift of the etiquette book later was great.) Mel and Todd were just enjoying the fracas. Renee and Viki talked later, and it was good to hear their thoughts on their respective ex-spouses. Too bad Jessica's health crisis cut Clint and Viki's spat short. It was short and sweet and I'm hoping for more.

    Something Funny Going On (unintentional humor)
    Though I didn't mind the actual fire scenes, this thing with Max sabotaging the boiler is beyond stupid. And why didn't Ian come to the hospital to check on his twin?

    Other Good Stuff
    Ian asked Linda out! He got a date, she got a scene. I like the way he viewed the Arts Center project--he started asking the people of Angel Square what they thought of it and the other proposals for the neigborhood. And Asa and Renee had scenes as well...too bad this is all about the Circus Arts school.


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    Facetious Survey of the Week

    This week's survey! Fill it out now and tell me what you think:

    The dumbest OLTL death scene was:

    Vote now:

    Patrick Thornhart dies in his doctor bride's arms while she does nothing.
    Suede Pruitt dies in Marty's arms as the police do nothing
    Beth Garvey dies of the flu
    Samantha Vernon dies in a hot tub
    Guy Armitage dies after an explosion while naming Todd as his killer

    If the survey doesn't work for you, just e-mail me your vote at umby12@msn.com.

    The results of last week's survey are in! The Recurring Character you most enjoy is Little Buckeroo himself, Nigel the Butler. Hey, PTB, how about giving him some scenes? He got over half the total votes! Eddie came in second, with newcomer Wendi pulling a strong third. Linda got a few votes, Benny got a write-in vote, and poor Al Holden got no votes. I guess we know why we never see Max's kids.

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    Bye Bye Alex

    Tonya Walker is gone. I have not liked a lot of the directions that Alex went lately (like the entire Mayor of Llanview period), but I do think that the character of Alex has made me laugh more than any single character on OLTL. It was Alex stealing the Cleopatra jewels (or rather getting Cain and Tina to steal them for her) that first hooked me on OLTL, and I still place her courtship and marriage to Asa at the top of my list of Funniest Scenes and Storylines. The scene where she and Asa shot shot glasses off of Nigel's head with water guns is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen on this show. Other things that any humor addict must list are Alex's relationships with "Carlo's Ashes", Asa's butler Nigel and her friendship with RJ.

    Alex: We're two of a kind, Asa.
    Asa: No, thanks, lady. You rattle before you walk.
    Alex: You hiss before you strike. A couple of rattlers, that's us, Asa. Imagine what we could accomplish, coiled together, intertwined, so to speak?

    Alex got away with murder, but she was far better at it when she was the female mob boss of Llanview than when she was madame mayor. I must say the Labines let her go out with a bang--the reunion with Carlo and her farewell video to RJ (where she acknowledged the relationship that they had never actually gotten around to having) were worth watching. Her "friendship" with Todd and Téa were the most intriguing thing about her final month, and I'm glad I got to see it.

    So goodbye Alex Olanov Hesser Buchanan Hesser. You provided some great laughs and some great lines for the Follies.

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    Meet the Follies

    Words from Emily: A little about me and OLTL. I started watching OLTL in 1992 because a friend told me that someone we went to high school with had been cast on the show (Ellen Bethea, who was the first Rachel Gannon). Naturally, I was curious. The first scene I saw on One Life to Live was the birth of Duke Buchanan. I watched for a week before I finally caught a glimpse of Ellen, and by then I had seen Alex Olanov Hesser, Bulge Hackman, and Cain Rogan in action and I was hooked. So if I don't give enough credit to the humor of pre-1992 OLTL, it's only because I didn't see it.

    Words from Debbie, Llanview Follies Chief Archivest (That means she supplies the Follies with terrific quotes every week!): My name is Debbie Green, and I have been watching OLTL since 1986. In those days, I was drawn in by all the outrageous plots...Viki/Niki, Faux Bo, Wild West, and Eterna. OLTL has changed a lot since then and is still a favorite of mine. After Todd's return from the dead, I began jotting down the humorous remarks made by him and the other Llanview residents. When Emily created Llanview Follies, I started sending her the lines I had accumulated over the months. And Emily has graciously received my many e-mails ever since!

    If you have thought of a contribution of a quote or feature that you would like to add to the Follies, e-mail Emily at umby12@msn.com .

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    last updated 7/2/97