Dear Crabby,
Do men REALLY think about sex every 6 seconds?
- Curious
Dear Curious,
Of course, dear. Why do you think beer bottles are shaped like dicks?
-Crabby
Dear Crabby,
My teenage daughter always waits until the last minute to do her homework and her chores, and she always does the absolute minimum of what is required. I'm concerned that she won't get very far in life with this lack of work ethic. What's a mother to do?
- A Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom,
Not to fret, my dear. She will make a fabulous government worker.
-Crabby
Dear Crabby,
I've always felt I was adopted. My parents never said I was, nor have my four siblings ever given me an indication that they thought I was, but I'm just so . . . so . . . DIFFERENT from the rest of my family. I've always felt a little out of place – like the only sane one roaming the halls of Shady Acres Rest Home and Asylum.
Don't get me wrong – I love my family (if they really ARE my family); I just want to know about my REAL roots if there are any.
I'm well into my 40's now and my parents are getting on in years. Should I bring the subject up and find out if they've been harboring a cruel secret all these years? Is it too late? Am I a nut?
Thanks,
- A Sandwich Short of a Picnic, at times
Dear A Sandwich Short,
You may be a nut, but that's not really the question here, is it?
Listen, you needn't bring up anything with these poor old folks. Ever heard of sleeping pills? Go over to their home for dinner some evening and lace their beverages with a couple. Once they're snoring away, prick their fingers and get blood samples. It's as easy as D-N-A!
-Crabby
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