September 1997 Column from THE WORLD OF SOOSE--A "SITE" FOR SORE EYES

The...rain...in...Spain...is...mainlyintheplain.Shoot!Diditagain...(sigh!)...Peter... Piper...picked...OH!...Hi,...everybody! Soose...here! Can...you...believe...it? I... am...STILL...having...trouble...learning...how...to...talk...normally...again. UGH!! ThatHugo!ThisisallHISfault!!...(ahem!)...Remember? From last month? With Jamie? And Sue...my creator...was the...translator?

Well, Sue is not here now...and I'm getting better...I think. I wonder...how Jamie... made out... Anyway, I'm expecting another guest...Yes, ANOTHER guest is coming... It seems that people WANT to come here every month! And be a GUEST, no less! Amazing... I don't understand it......

Well, anyway, this month's guest is not like any of my past guests. This month's guest is Dudette from NET4TV. Dudette is a "character", as opposed to a "real" person. She is very helpful in solving your Internet problems in a "Dear Abby" sort of way. Dudette is coming here to discuss her new site, NET4TV (formerly "TV WEB SURF SPOT"), which is making its debut on the Internet this month.

No, after the Denise Andresen "kidnapping" affair in May, I am NOT sending Hugo or those idiotic Movers to escort Dudette here. As the saying goes, "she's on her own"...

Yooo-hoooo! Soose, honey, are you there?
Its ME, DUDETTE! Yooo-hoooo!

Dudette? Welcome! I'm Soose!

Oh, dear!
There must be some sort of mistake here...

Mistake? What do you mean?

Well, you are a "character" like ME, right?

I guess so...

Do you have a "creator"--you know,
someone who writes what you're
gonna say and do?

Oh, you mean SUE? Yeah...

Well, honey, you're a "character"!
But, your problem is,
that you don't LOOK
like a "character".

Really? Well, how am I suppose to look?

Well, first off, honey,
you gotta have an IMAGE.

Image?

Yes, sweetie. I have an
image, and I brought it with me.

You BROUGHT your image with you? (ahem!) Okay...

YES! And here it is...

SEE?

Oh, yes! I SEE! An IMAGE.... Hmmmmm....

And you know what else
you need?

There's MORE?

My goodness, YES!
If you're a "character",
you need to have "BALLOONS"!

BALLOONS???!

BALLOONS!!
Honey, you can't talk WITHOUT
your BALLOONS!

I can't? (ahem!) I see....

YES, sweetie!
Look, I also BROUGHT MY balloons.
I NEVER go ANYWHERE without
MY image and balloons.

SEE?

THAT'S a balloon??

Uh-huh! Now, when you
put the two together, they
look like THIS.

Hi! My name is Dudette!

WOW! That's great!

So you see, honey, we "characters" have our own equipment. You understand?

I think so.....

Well? Where are YOURS?

Uh, MINE?

YOUR image! YOUR balloons! Where are they?

Well, lets see....first, my image.....

How's THIS?

OH, MY!

Well, what's wrong?

Well, Soose, honey, you're just a character. You're NOT auditioning for a role in "The Exorcist"! Can't you stop that rotating stuff? You're makin' me dizzy!

OH! Yes, I see what you mean....
But, I like doing that! Oh, ok....

How's THIS?

Oh, MUCH better! Now, what about your balloons?

My balloons....
I'm sorry, Dudette, but I don't seem
to have any balloons. I guess Sue
didn't think of that....

Don't worry, Soose honey. I always have spare balloons.

(AHEM!) I see....spare balloons....ok....

Don't laugh! They DO come in handy at times! Here ya go. Try THIS one.

Ok.... How's THIS?

Honey, you really DON'T know much about balloons, do you?

NOW what's wrong?

(SIGH!) You've got it BACKWARDS....

OH! Hehehe.... I feel silly.

I think I've got it NOW. How's THIS?

GOOD! That's GREAT! Now, you're a REAL "character"-- just like ME!

NEAT.....!

Well, Soose honey, I hafta go now.

GO?! But, you just GOT here!

I know, sweetie, but I have places to go, people to see, and my new site, "NET4TV", which is in its BETA format, to run. And besides, after hearing about your past guests, I think I'd better get goin' while the goin' is good.

Oh. Well, thanks Dudette! Thanks ALOT!

Don't mention it, Soose honey! BYE!

SLAM!

That Dudette....what a NICE "character". BUT, I STILL like doing THIS....

Hey, Soose! You here? I just ran into the STRANGEST person....she looked like a REAL CHARACTER! Ya shoulda SEEN her....

HI, HUGO!

AAAAAAAHH!!!!
I'm gettin' outta HERE! See ya later when you're feelin' better!

SLAM!!!

FEELING BETTER?! Humph! Well! No matter....I like it!

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I would like to thank Dudette for visiting Sooseland. Don't forget to visit the new NET4TV site--its great! I should know, because I am proud to say that I am one of its contributing writers! Thanks, Dudette!

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This site is CONSTANTLY being updated. We sooses have to have SOMETHING to do! So, PLEASE visit often--sooses LOVE visitors!

THE NEXT INSTALLMENT WILL BE SOMETIME IN OCTOBER. SEE YOU THEN!

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There is a completely different side of Soose's creator that few people ever see. Its called SERIOUS SUE. This section is not for everyone. Its a collection of serious poetry from Sue. If you would like to read them, please come in.

THE ARCHIVES OF SOOSE

• August - AREYOUAFASTTALKER? Jaime from "The Lace Show" appears as Hugo's nephew!
  
• July - LINDA MAKES QUITE AN IMPRESSION! Linda from "The Break Room" lets her "voice" be heard!
  
• June - INVASION OF THE "SAGE" Sage from THE SAGE PAGE is the guest that won't leave!
  
• May - HOW TO KIDNAP YOUR GUESTS Denise Andresen "involuntarily" pays a visit
  
• April - I AM A WEBTV ADDICT Nancy of the WEBTV Addict's Page visits
  
• March - MY RENEGADE HOMEPAGE! Agent Hugo makes his debut
  
• February - CYBERSPACE--A REAL CHALLENGE The "movers" make their debut
  
• January - MEET SOOSE! This is the very first column!
  

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