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| H. E. Mwai Confucius Kibaki, President of Kenya. It has recently been discovered that he is already a ceremonial president |
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| ... UNRESOLVED ISSUES ... |
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 Najib Balala, MP & Minister, Sports, Gender & Cultural Affairs: Encouraging Kenyans to lynch one another Goldenberg: I think I'm the only one in Kenya who did not receive money from this thing! Robert Ouko: Shot himself, torched himself and drove himself to Got Alila in that order John Serut, MP: Pouncer on female interns Sospeter Ojaamong MP: Wife's face keeps accidentally hitting his fist. Reuben Ndolo, MP: Encouraging Kenyans to torch others. Musa Sirma, MP: Encouraging Kenyans to slash one another Mwangi Kiunjuri, MP & Assistant Minister, Energy: Playing games of bedminton on Koinange Street Chirau Mwakwere, MP & Minister, Labour: See above Firey City Hall: Only place in the world where security cameras are switched off in the evening when staff leave work! |
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I humbly profess: The finest produce
of Mother Kenya |
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| ... THINKER'S ... | ||
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I ran a spell check on the archives page and wasn't I amazed at the spelling errors I didn't find! Half an apple, three peanuts and a whistle for Muthoni for cluing me in :) I generally forget to run the spell check there but hey! Most of you have at least 2 digit IQs so I fondly imagine you grasped what I meant. |
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Sean Paul is coming to Kenya. I feel sure that this will be a big deal because the last musical celebrity that was here, and I use the term loosely, was one Tevin Campbell, if I'm not wrong. The memory of Caroline Mutoko, Maina Kageni and Sheila Mwanyigha fawning over the has-been reminds me of the laughter I was reduced to. Personally I won't mind showing cats how to do give dem a run, row di boat, signal a plane, 'pon di river, 'pon di bank and other maneuvers popularized by that gent. If you don't know what fluid motion is, step this way friends, step this way! I'll school you at no extra charge! He'll be rocking the Carnivore on the 30th of April. Entry is 2,000 bob so I know cheapskates like Kris and Wangu will be very much on their transistor radios at the car park. BTW if there's anyone who can move and wiggle like Sasha I'm conducting interviews ;) Watch the video for I'm Still In Love With You and you'll see what I mean! |
Our cabinet may be many things but by and large they are not orators. The top dog himself, Mwai Emilio Kibaki would do well to stick to reading speeches because when he ventures off the trodden path what he says makes one want to grab the top of one's head to keep it from exploding. When he's not forgetting the country he's just come from, he's talking about letting the delegates at Bomas make the constitution and everyone else without exception return to what they do best - farming. Or he's telling jobless people to look for jobs. And if they do not find jobs, they do the jobs they have. This last gem, unleashed during Madaraka Day celebrations visibly gave the British High Commissioner Edward Clay a headache. Transport Minister John Michuki has great difficulty looking a camera in the eye, in a manner of speaking. He jerks alarmingly from left to right during the course of any coverage. If you see hapless cameramen jogging from left to right and back again be assured the are on the track of this gentleman. Local Government Minister Karisa Maitha leaves little doubt when he opens his mouth that his acquaintance with education was but a fleeting one. This is the kind of cat that can tell you there are two cars by counting the wheels and dividing by four. Charity Ngilu generally believes that articles such as 'a' and 'the' are relics of the colonial age and refuses out or principle to use them. "They are trying to destabilize NARC Government". When emotionally charged (read: daily), the good lady's incoherence is peppered with nonsensical expressions like "separating old wine from new wine in new skins". Huh?! Lord Byron and Keats could learn a thing or two from Roads Minister Raila Odinga. When the man is not reducing hapless novices like Danson Mungatana to the status of barking hounds, he's coining phrases like "mistaking a wet lion from a cat" that leave those addressed unsure whether they are being insulted or praised You have not lived until you've heard one Kiraitu Murungi, Minister for Constitutional Safaris attempt to say constitution. It comes out very merrily as KONTUSION. His vocabulary also appears to be unencumbered by the letter L. His counterpart at the Education Ministry is no better off. Good old George Kinuthia Saitoti cannot bend his tongue around government what comes out when the good old professor is before a microphone is GARMENT Environment Minister Newton Kulundu had better be very careful the next time he's in the Olduvai Gorge, site of discovery of the ancestors of man. His physical attributes, manner of speech and general demeanor place him at a very high risk of being grabbed by the collar and presented at an anthropologist's conference as the missing link, and the one before it. |
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Inmates of the Langata Women's Prison put their best feet forward and their backs into it as they perform a timeless classic from Elvis Presley's repertoire for visiting Minister of Home Affairs Moody Awori. The ladies are performing "Jailhouse Rock" |
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In yet another startling turn of events, Constitutional Affairs Minister Kiraitu Murungi and his Transport and Communications Counterpart John Michuki realize with sheepish embarrassment that they are wearing the same ties. |
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Malava MP Soita Shitanda hungrily eyes the buffet table and wishes the clown next to him would just get on with the talking so they can get to the food! He notes with satisfaction that Uhuru Kenyatta is entertaining similar sentiments |
... THIS PART TO DRIVE THE CIA NUTS ... |
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Bush. CIA. Osama. Bomb. Al Qaeda. Saddam Hussein. Chemical Ali. Bowling Ali. Dimly Lit Ali. Dead End Ali. |
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Why on earth does Kibaki want executive powers for? The man has yet to use them! |
| ... CIVIC DUTY ... |
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Some more fine produce of the MotherLand |
| ... REGULARS ... |
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| Past gems of my priceless wit |
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| Entries from a rather unorthodox journal, updated at whim |
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| These people need to be pistol whipped and flushed down the toilet at first opportunity! |
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| Take a look at some assorted links. I will collect more and organize them when I feel inclined to but until then -- enjoy! |
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| Some stuff really ticks me off. I mean REALLY ticks me off ... |
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Click HERE for complaints Frequently
Asked Questions: What you ought to know ... |