Plot:
Credits roll as the narrator explains how one man rules with a crystal.
A space battle rages as people on the nearby planet are evacuating. The enemies are about to land. We see numerous people thrown through the air from
explosions. Ladera shows her grief.
In the shelter, the civilians are huddling in fear. Troops are in the command center. Lord Tarkin (No relation to a certain Grand Moff) is informed of his army’s
losses. His fiancée may be even dead.
Ladera and her squad of troops rush for the shelter. An enemy craft is after them. She is able to shoot it down and reach the shelter in the nick of time.
Nervous Official (AKA Sam Raimi) wants to bargain with the evil overlord and surrender the crystal. Needless to say, Lord Tarkin refuses to even consider it.
A small blonde moppet child pushes his way past a guard. The Moppet child transforms into a cyborg.
Mr Roboto can cut a rug.
The guards are completely useless against it.
The cyborg storms the command center. A firefight ensues until a cloaked evil dude, Kyla, enters. Nervous Raimi pleads with Kyla. The very folically abundant
master of evil kills him.
Kyla (Richard Moll’s character’s name) confronts Tarkin before killing him. As Ladera approaches, Kyla teleports away with the energy crystal.
Ladera finds the dying Tarkin. She has to retrieve the crystal. There is another crystal. Ladera is the leader now inheriting it from her brother. She is to ensure
the safety of both crystals.
A dark and stormy night in the city, at a bar, the philosophical Jed meets his friend Manny. Jed is being chased by guys who would kill him. He found the
legendary “Eye of the Incas.”
Ladera teleports somewhere nearby in the city.
Jed needs Manny’s help. He wants Manny to hold onto the crystal for a couple of weeks. Manny takes the crystal and leaves.
In an alley, Ladera saves a woman from being raped. The super strong woman manages to throw the attackers around like Lou Ferrigno did in the 70s.
Back at the bar, the barmaid is hitting on Jed. Victor and his goons swagger into the bar. Apparently, Jed owes Victor a substantial amount of cash which Victor
wishes to collect. A lackey draws a bomb from under his coat to entice Jed to talk. They discover Manny’s address when Ladera bursts into the bar.
Brigitte Nielsen's entire emotional range in this movie.
Brigitte Nielsen versus a bunch of underpaid lackeys. She demands the crystal and continues throwing guys around the room. The bomb is still counting
down. Ladera frees Jed who desperately wants to get out of Dodge. Ladera is oblivious to the bomb. Jed carries the barmaid out. Would you be surprised that
Ladera barely walks out of the bar before it explodes unharmed?
Ladera is still asking for the crystal.
A helicopter is flying by as the police examine the wreckage. Apparently, Jed has a wallet capable of surviving bomb explosions. The police will be on the lookout
for Jed, now.
Ladera is following Jed around. She needs the crystal to save her people. He is still trying to get away from her as the lightning flashes ominously.
At the police station, the cops are trying to figure out what is going on. Their idea is Jed owes Victor money. Victor has put a hit on Jed. The cops aren’t sure
how a 6 foot tall blonde woman figures in though.
Jed is skulking through the streets trying to get to Manny’s place. Ladera easily follows him and warns him that Kyla has arrived.
The police desperately want to nail Victor in a non-sexual way. Well, I can’t be too sure about Detective Carter who seems to be awfully repressed.
In Manny’s apartment, Jed can’t find anyone. Eventually, Jed finds Manny’s extra charbroiled corpse. Regular or extra crispy?
Kyla teleports into the apartment, demanding the crystal. Ladera opens fire. She and Jed escape Kyla’s force lightning.
Is this a scene from Highlander?
Jed hotwires a truck as Kyla jumps into the bed of the truck. Ladera manages to knock him off, though.
Jed demands some answers, unable to believe that Ladera and Kyla are aliens. When did it become normal for a guy to project lightning from his
fingertips? Ladera explains how important the crystal is to her people. Apparently, with 2 crystals, Kyla will be invincible not in the Pat Benetar way thought. Jed
realizes where the crystal is.
The cops are always one step behind. This time, they are examining Manny’s place.
At the railway station, Ladera and Jed are searching for Raymond, Manny’s son. Jed tries the polite approach. Ladera is bit ruder. Victor’s goons appear and
open fire. Suddenly, Kyla appears and throws fireballs at Victor’s crew.
Ladera will take care of Kyla. Unfortunately, the 80s star power of starring on Night Court trumps starring in Cobra. Jed saves her by
accidentally using the phaser on Kyla.
The police arrive. Kyla is not bothered by the amount of flying lead aimed at him. He merely walks off.
Ladera starts hitting on Jed. He resists her. She morphs into Kyla. That is frankly a disturbing idea that Richard Moll wishes to become Brigitte Nielsen. The
Darth Vader throat choke is used on Jed. Ladera manages to drive Kyla away.
At the police station, Carter and his partner question Raymond.
Jed and Ladera go to a Chinese night club. He has something to check on there.
Victor is driving around the city.
In the back of the club, Jed joins a poker game. He gets the stakes up so high to regain the crystal. Victor’s goons storm the club. Jed is after the crystal. Of
course, Ladera is beating more guys up. I think she has some anger issues.
Jed gets the crystal. He and Ladera escape the club right into the hands of the police.
In the morning, the police captain demands answers and no alien nonsense. Carter keeps questioning Jed, trying to get some dirt on Victor.
Victor and his crew are outside the police station.
Captain and Kelly watch Jed being interrogated. His story matches what Ladera told them.
A desk sergeant is fried. Ladera hears trouble.
Carter doesn’t believe Jed’s story. They are unaware that Kyla is roaming throughout the building electrocuting people. Jed manages to regain the crystal for the
45th or 46th time. He catches up with Ladera. Victor follows them as they escape.
They try shooting at Ladera and Jed’s truck. Where did Ladera, an alien, learn to drive a stick shift? They crash. Victor’s goons are armed for bear and open
fire on the van. They bring out a bazooka. Why do I think Jed and Ladera escaped the van before it was perforated with bullet holes? If they were so interested in
the crystal, shouldn’t they search the van before blowing it up?
Victor wants the stone. The lackeys split up and search the nearby factory for Jed and Ladera. Creaking noises are heard as the goons search. Industrial search
ensues. They do catch sight of Jed and Ladera and open fire.
That night, Carter is told that Jed is at the factory. He heads there before the SWAT team is ready.
Ladera has the crystal and doesn’t have much time before returning home.
The goons keep searching.
Victor manages to capture Jed and takes him to the control room.
Ladera drops the crystal.
Ladera is starting to knock out the goons one by one.
Victor learns that most of the goons have been killed. Jed realizes that it is Kyla.
Victor thinking Ladera is behind it, though.
Carter arrives without backup at the factory. We see a helicopter flying nearby.
Victor is using Jed for a human shield and looking for Ladera. Jed is forced to call Ladera into the open. Carter pops up but is shot by Victor who keeps trodding
on.
Jed manages to overpower the hideously fat guy and take the stone.
The chopper is flying low near the factory.
Kyla takes the stone from Jed.
Ladera appears. Kyla throws Jed to the side.
As the movie enters endgame, Kyla is channeling his power.
It is Kyla versus Ladera. I like to think of it as an evil hairy Bull from Night Court is fighting a blonde Red Sonja in a dominatrix costume.
The chopper cops shoot at Kyla. Kyla uses his force lightning on the shopper.
The chopper is about to crash.
Ladera uses her energy beam. She escapes the fatal blast zone and kills Kyla.
Ladera finds the stone. Jed is to be the keeper of the stone for she must leave.
Suckin’ face is stopped as she teleports back to her home planet.
Victor pops up to shoot Jed. Are you ready for this? Victor is shot by Carter who was shot by Victor earlier. Irony or lame script writing, you decide…
Jed helps Carter walk away as the sirens are heard approaching.
