Plot:
I cannot in good faith not let any Luke Skywalker jokes escape. You have been warned.
A plane is in flight. We learn that man ruined the Earth. Disasters destroyed most of the planet before leading to massive windstorms, called the Slipstream, ravaging what
is left.
Byron, the business suit clad guy, is being chased by the plane. Mark Hamill shoots some sort of hook through Byron’s arm. Byron is arrested and taken aboard the plane.
A cantina scene ensues. Bill Paxton arrives and feels up a waitress. Later, the charming Hudson tries hitting on Belitski, or as I think of her, Surly Chick. Paxton makes some
small talk with Mark Hamill who confiscates Paxton’s weapons arsenal.
Paxton learns that Byron killed a man. He gets very interested when learning about the very large reward.
Paxton manages to steal Byron away from Skywalker.
I've never heard of the Millennium Falcon. Is it a fast ship?
Surly Chick tries to distract him by offering to let him plumb unknown depths. While distracted, Paxton gets shot with one of Skywalker’s poison darts. Some guy knocks the very blonde
cop down. Paxton escapes with Byron unaware of the radio tracker in his blood.
Paxton and Byron fly off in Paxton’s plane. Scenic view ensues. Byron eventually bursts into poetry. A Pseudo Duran Duran assails our ears.
They fly to Turkey. Paxton goes into a bathhouse to pick up some of his stuff. The idea Bill Paxton lives in a bathhouse run by Robbie Coltrane is almost Lovecraftian. Somehow,
Byron manages to get away. Paxton finds his prisoner has just healed a little blind boy.
They fly away.
Surly Chick and Skywalker are tracking through the forest. They find Robbie Coltrane fresh from the bathhouse with his cronies. They would be arrested until a gunfight breaks
out and the Skywalker shoots them all. It is as if he has fallen to the Dark Side of the Force.
The cops are in flight again. To Hamill, the law is everything. He makes Dirty Harry look like a slacker.
Back to the flight of the Paxton, he is flying low enough to the ground to spy a chick dancing around naked. Byron asks Paxton about his dreams. They camp out at night. Byron
is acting awfully strange, even stranger than before. Paxton awakens to find Byron’s hands around his neck. The prisoner explains he was checking for any signs of poisoning.
Surly Chick is flying while the Skywalker sleeps.
Elsewhere, Paxton realizes he is lost. They land and discover a wind-worshipping cult. Byron checks on a wounded villager. Apparently, marauders attacked them. Paxton even
helps, too.
Byron is able to free the village chief who was trapped under a large rock. The chief isn’t exactly happy that Byron helped at all. A few chicks crawl over the Chief who demands
that Byron be tested. Well, the nutty chief promptly dies.
Paxton awakens to find he is hogtied.
The village has tied Byron to a giant kite. This is the test. God will free Byron if it is part of the plan. The Slipstream brought them and will take them.
The cops are still flying around. Surly and Skywalker find Paxton. They learn the villagers have tied Byron and are flyi8ng him on a giant kite. They agree to free him.
Paxton finally learns that Byron is an android. You would think a guy who acts so strange, is interested in helping people, speaks poetry, and can heal people would draw some
attention.
Paxton sails up to Byron to cut him loose.
Hail to the KING, baby...
Surly parasails up to stop him. The kite cuts free of the rope tying it to the ground and crashes.
Ground crawling ensues. Byron helps Paxton into a cave with Surly. The android goes back out to find Skywalker and returns with Ariel, one of the wind chicks. Skywalker’s
grapple is found. They can only hope he wasn’t eaten by a Wampa.
Paxton oozes on the charm to no avail. Byron returns. The windstorm continues raging as everyone decides to go on. Surly is going to look for Luke.
Byron, Paxton, and Ariel head for the plane. They repair it and head for the village Ariel originally came from because it is nearby.
Aerolite fu ensues. The plane stalls as they approach the village. The plane crashes. Our characters trek not anywhere near where we saw some huts. They enter a secret
tunnel. Ariel goes through the massive door and leaves Paxton and Byron behind at first. She brings them in.
Ok, somehow, this movie has gotten into Zardoz territory. It’s a bunch of old folks in evening wear, like the Renegades in Zardoz. In the museum interior, Byron
is ranting about something. He starts talking about his master, and Ariel is getting really turned on or impressed.
Later, Byron and Paxton are dressed to the nines, and everyone is partying like the last 2 digits of the year are 99. Some old folks are swinging. Not like that, in actual swings on
play set. The people are terrified of the outside world. The party is dying faster than my Senior Prom when I was third person left.
Byron is high stepping with Ariel. It is like some twisted version of Riverdance. Byron shows Paxton how to cut a rug old school. Fred Astaire fu ensues.
Paxton and some strumpet ride his wild Hudson. Contents are under pressure.
In a zoo diorama, Byron and Ariel are getting to know each other and impersonating lions and tigers.
The two couples bask in their respective afterglows.
Paxton discovers his strumpet is gone.
The council is debating the 2 strangers. Ariel reveals that Byron is fixing the air conditioning. She reveals that only Byron is an android. The council may force them to stay
forever. Some want to reveal their existence to the world. Byron’s potential could help the community.
Paxton finds Byron who is ecstatic about sleeping and dreaming. He is sure of where more androids are living. Paxton is letting Byron go, not going to turn him in for a
bounty.
Surly and Skywalker break into the community.
Paxton wants Byron to be his business partner. Byron reveals that Ariel wants him to stay. The android is having a hard time deciding what to do.
Skywalker demands the Council turn over Byron. He pistol whips some guy for not turning the android over immediately 3 seconds after demanding. This Skywalker is getting
almost as violent as Anakin around the Sand People.
Some guys go to retrieve Byron for Skywalker.
Surly shoots Paxton with a dart. He handcuffs her and learns the dart was the cure to the poison. Suckin’ face ensues. Paxton goes after Skywalker.
Byron is brought to the maniacally evil Skywalker. Paxton arrives with an assault rifle. A gunfight ensues. Skywalker shoots Ariel. Byron holds her as she dies. Paxton is
shot, too.
Byron goes after Skywalker.
Skywalker gets his sniper rifle from his plane. He manages to shoot Byron which only manages to piss off the android even more. Skywalker tries running over him with the
plane.
Byron is sucked into the engine of the plane and crawls his way through to strangle Skywalker. The plane begins a power dive. Byron trashes the controls. The plane is
getting closer and closer to the ground. Byron manages to pull up on the controls at the last possible second. Skywalker is laughing even crazier than before. Byron crashes the
plane into the side of mountain. Bet you didn’t see that coming.
Byron walks away from the wreckage. Paxton is waiting for him. Byron is sure he is too dangerous to be human. He will search for where the other androids are.
Paxton and Surly are together. They fly off past a lot of weird shaped hot air balloons.
