Do you have memories of seeing spanking on television programs like I Love Lucy, Gunsmoke, even The Flinestone's? Did you look up the "s" word in the dictionary? Did you have enormous interest when your friends would talk about their spankings, replaying the scene repeatedly in your mind? Has this interest stayed with you even in adulthood? Do you now read romance novels hoping for a 'disciplinary' scene? Do you look at others of the opposite sex and fantasize about spanking them - or you being spanked by them? If after answer those questions you look like one of those dogs in the back of a car, shaking your head repeatedly up and down, you are not alone. There are sane, sensible, normal adults throughout the country who enjoy consentual spankings.

Some enjoy spankings within a D/s (Dominant/submissive) sexual relationship where spanking is sometimes even used as a reward and the activity is directly connected with a sexual encounter; the power exchange is the focus and in this regard, spankings might be used as one way to display the submissiveness of one partner.

Others enjoy a mild spanking, perhaps only five or six hand slaps to their mate's bottom, during lovemaking. Often couples include spankings in this manner like the sensation, much the same way that some couples will include mild bitting, scratching or pinches while making love. There is no exchange of power or other "mind games" being played with this type of spanking. The physical activity alone is the appeal. Still others need spanking in a more traditional role, that of disciplinary spankings for imaginary or real transgressions. Only the last way of using spanking is explored with this paper.

Who has the interest?
Professors, blue collar workers, teachers, reverends, corporate leaders, housewives, accountants...the list could go on and on. People from every walk of life enjoy adult, consentual spanking. It might be your co-worker, the person answering the phone when you call an 800 number for just about any service, the person behind the counter at the dry-cleaners or other establishments or even your spouse. The one thing that provides a common bond to most of us is that we keep this interest very confidential. Even as adolescents, we learned that there is something different about having this interest so we keep it to ourselves. There have been a number of people who finally mention it to their spouse only to learn that they either had the interest or at least an intrigue to the idea. Others, though, share it with the spouse and learn that there is no interest.

No one knows how many Americans have the interest. There has been little study done on D/s no less just spanking. Many who have the interest are not otherwise into D/s, they just like spanking - traditional, disciplinary spankings!

Studies that have been conducted indicate that between 3-10% of Americans say they have an interest in some type of D/s activity - including spanking. Studies also show that more men admit to the interest than women and more men would prefer to give than women would prefer to give. Some studies - and common sense - say that more people are interested in more mild 'play' like spanking than aspects of D/s.

Equally important, there is considerable evidence in mainstream media that the interest in spanking is higher than many people might think. Many romance novels, especially those written in the 1970s, include spanking scenes. Movies from the 1940s and 1950's often included spankings in them. Television programs of the 1950's, '60's and even '70's sometimes had disciplinary spankings of young 'grown' women in them. In addition, many regular publications, like Cosmopolitan, feature advertising for spanking publishers.

There are a few things that seem clear from talking to many others who have the interest. Spankers and spankees reflect our society. More women who admit their intrigue with spanking want to receive than to do the spanking; more men are interested in giving or "switching" (both giving and receiving spankings) than just receive spankings. Most men want a woman as a partner and women usually want a man as a partner. There are many men and women who want a partner from the same sex - even those who are heterosexual.

Why me?
There is no simple answer to this direct question. It is a question that most people who have an interest in spanking ask themselves repeatedly - at least until they learn more about their interest and feel more comfortable with it. There are some things that are very clear after talking to many people who have the interest.

Most adults with the interest remember having it pre-adolescence. Often people remember finding the few spankings they saw on the big screen or on television very exciting even when they were very young. Most of those who are interested in spanking - especially women - were not spanked or at least did not receive "traditional" spankings (over-the-knee or other type of ritualistic spankings that might include an instrument, a specific position(s) or unclothing the bottom) as a child or teen. Some remember receiving an occasional slap, but most did not receive the type of spanking remotely resembling the type of spanking they wish to receive - or give - now.

Those who were spanked as children or teens did not usually get any satisfaction out of it, even if they had the interest at the time. Even those who want a "daddy" or "mommy" (which is not most of us), they didn't want their parents involved in their fantasies at all!

There does seem to be a connection between the presence of guilt in their childhood and the interest in spanking for many people who now have the interest. Again this is not the universally true. However, it seems that a great number of us who have the interest were raised in households where guilt was a key way for parents or teachers to guide behavior. As such, many who have the interest were raised in environments where guilt was present.

Maybe some of the interest in spanking is the absolute nature of the activity. One misbehaves, the 'offender' is called upon to explain his or her behavior and, when warranted a spanking is given. Sure, they may be a scolding and perhaps some corner time following the event. There may be other rituals that are part of the episode. But in the end (no pun intended), the punishment is accepted and the incident is forgotten. There is no guilt, no reason for guilt because the miscreant pays the price - the old fashioned way, with a spanking.

Is spanking becoming more acceptable?
Spanking may be on a rebound. During the 1930's, '40's, and '50's, one could find many incidents of leading men giving a taste of bottom warming medicine to women in mainstream movies. John Wayne, Elvis Presley and Clark Gable all gave their fair share. But it became socially unacceptable to include such a male dominating activity during the 1960's. The changing role of women with a movement to make things more equal between women and men (finally) made the possibility of a man spanking a woman in such a public way inappropriate. Women spanking men was also socially taboo.

The spank word is again being uttered in Hollywood, indicating the interest of many Americans. Modonna expressed that she liked to be spanked many times even though at least once she said she was only kidding. There has even been a few more recent movies that have included spanking in them. Even Meg Ryan asked if she was going to get a spanking in a recent movie.

Are all spankees submissive?
There are few absolutes that can be said on this subject, but this is one of them. NO. There are many men or women who are submissive and enjoy spanking, many of them in the D/s area. However, most spankees are not submissive by nature although the act of receiving a spanking requires a certain level of submissiveness in action. Most of those this writer has met with the interest are women who are brats. They are people who expect to be treated as equals but want someone to set limits and enforce those limits. They knowingly give up a certain level of control to allow the spanking. They are not, however, submissive in any manner.

Is spanking about pain?
No. Sure, a good spanking provides a level of sting - depending on the instrument used, the intensity, the duration of the correction. However, most of those who are interested in being spanked do not want the pain just as those who want to give a spanking do not want to inflict pain.

Many who like spanking only want over-the-knee, hand spankings. It provides a special closeness, an intimacy that instruments lack. Most of us are much more into the ritual, the anticipation, the control of a spanking than the actual application of the hand or instrument. For others, that may be important, but the color change of a well paddled behind and the sting of a hand, paddle, strap or implement of choice is also a compelling aspect of the event.

What can I do about my interest?
Evidently you are at least exploring about your interest if you are reading this essay. You have found that you are not alone! It's a great feeling, right?

This writer also felt alone for years and kept this interest to himself because of the personal nature of such an attraction. Today there are many options open to those of us who have the interest. Computer access opened many doors for those of us with this adult, consentual interest.

Exploring via the computer is a wonderful way to learn more. Gone are the days when one had to go to "adult book stores" to buy materials on spanking that were published to make money. Stories and discussion are placed on the internet and accessible for the price of your monthly service.

CompuServe offers Spanking Conferences. Currently the service hosts two such 'discussion groups' on a weekly basis. Between eight and 30 people participate in a discussion on various aspects of spanking. There is a topic each week for each of the two conferences, but other issues may be discussed at the end of the conference. It also allows people to meet one another and share correspondence or more with one another.

These are the favorite sources of this writer. The top three are ones that have purchased stories written by this author.

CF probably offers the most diverse selection of spanking stories. One can pick from hundreds of titles with all aspects of the interest included. CF also offers a few magazines including Over-the-Knee. While simple, much of the writing is of a very high caliber. CF offers some nice instruments, including a school wooden paddle, at the best prices around.

DS Enterprises publishes Sassy Ladies, a thick journal written by or co-written by women. Sassy Ladies has uses some of the best writers in the scene. They only cater to male spanks female or sometimes female spanks female stories. DS also provides some other journals on an occasional basis.

More recently they have provided a collection of paddles and straps. Sassy Ladies is edited by Pam, a caring, sweet brat who just loves spanking and is very genuine.

Scarlet Hills provides something for nearly everyone with an interest in spanking including male-female, female-female, and female-male. While disciplinary spankings are the predominate theme of this publisher, they also offer a publication called Different Strokes for those who have an interest that is more D/s than 'simple spanking.' Scarlet Hills is co-owned by a woman who is one of the nicest people on this planet. And she is a real brat!!! They also offer a nice selection of paddles and straps along with a full collection of videos.

The most well known of the lot is Shadowlane. Co-owned by Eve, a woman well known in the community, Shadowlane offers the most slick publications featuring real spanking. They are best known for Stand Corrected and Scene One. The latter is a book published regularly featuring hundreds of personal ads for those interest in giving or receiving (or both) spankings. Shadowlane also offers very professional videos with many real red butts. One of the activities that given Shadowlane their reputation is their annual huge party for those interested in spanking. People can meet, talk and even spank interested party-goers at their West coast get-together. More recently they have added a couples only event to their social calendar.

How do I play safely?
You have read this, been thinking about your interest for a long time, found some people interested in spanking and now you want to go about trying it! You probably have feel all kinds of emotions, even wondering if you will like it in real life. You know deep down that you will, but may even doubt this (this writer has never met someone who longed for a spanking then didn't like it in real life!).

The most important aspect of taking spanking to real life is playing safely. Regardless of the intensity level you want - or don't want - you can play safely if you play smart. It takes mostly common sense to make sure you have a good, safe experience.

For many it is possible to introduce this idea to someone who is already their Significant Other. If that is possible, the spankee automatically takes less safety risks. Those people do not have to be concerned about who they meet - only how to play. Even then it is best to take it slowly and allow your partner to learn more about your interest. Much of being a good spanker is having confidence. For some of us, we had years to think about it, to play out the type of spanking we want to give. We know what the young lady get's out of it because we have read so much and have spoken with people. However, for a 'converted spanker,' those things that come natural to us, have to be learned. Let your Significant Other learn about it over a period of time. Don't expect that perfect spanking - or even nearly perfect spanking - the first or second (or even third time) going over the lap.

Taking is slowly is even more important for those who will be meeting people with the interest. Get to know your prospective mate long before meeting them. One can learn a lot about the behavior of someone over the computer and on the phone. Talk about your interest and ask questions about his or her interest. Set up limits - clear, defined limits. Try to build the trust so you know that your partner will abide by those limits. Safewords (a word that can be used to slow down or stop the action) are important especially for people who do not know one another very well. Sure, with someone you 'play' with often, it is possible to read body language. However, it is asking a lot to expect that a stranger is going to understand your body language, your wishes without a more direct manner.

Most importantly, when you do meet someone, do it in a public place. Make sure that either party can walk away after some discussion with no excuses needed. A great deal of trust is needed to make a spanking work. Sometimes it is possible to have that trust when you meet with someone for the first time. Sometimes a bit more time - or a lot more time - is needed.

Follow your heart. Don't get into something when you have doubts. Sure, you will have apprehension, concern about what is going to happen to you. However, you shouldn't be scarred about meeting someone. If that is the case, maybe it just isn't the right partner for you or maybe you are just not ready at the time. Listen to your mind.

Finally, you should set the stage to walk away wanting more. Don't expect that every fantasy will be fulfilled the first time you meet someone. There are some fantasies, such as bondage, that should not be tried with someone you are just meeting for the first time. If it is the first time you are being spanked, a nice hand spanking is probably a good start. A little sample of a brush or paddle may be a good way to end the event. For many women, however, a hand spanking is where they want to start - and end. It provides the intimacy that so many women seek and furnishes enough sting to get the point across.