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| 2001 around the Four Counties Ring |
| Admiral’s notes
Saturday: Meet up at the Fox and Hounds in Great Haywood for our most expensive pint of the week. Penkridge for a Saturday night of Bank’s bitter. Sunday morning. No engine sounds to disturb me the starter battery is flat. The techies decide to put a mooring spike across the terminals and then turn the key, Joe declines to stand on it, on the grounds that he values his testicles, our first Academy nomination; Coward. But Hinsey steps forward and into history. Lunchtime a three-mile walk to a brilliant pub in Codsall railway station. In the evening we were in the Bridge for some Burtonwood, a quiz and some joke-telling, including Les’s classic swan routine. Monday, another hot and sunny day. A long drive to Shebdon to find that the Wharf is closed lunchtimes. A canal side worker directs us to a great little boozer, the Haberdashers Arms a ¾ hour journey away. We sit in the snug polishing off Banks and a Cottage honey beer, whilst Iain sits at the bar with the locals. Leaving we ask the barman to take some photos of us all for our magazine, which is received with some strange looks. On the way back Iain tells us he told the locals that we were a group called Gay Real Ale Drinkers of East Anglia and he and Les were our drivers. Tom gave great credibility to Iain’s story when he passed by going to the loo. He rubbed Iain’s neck and shoulders in front of the locals and said “Hello Honky Tonk.” Things could only get worst and they did. One boat had become unmoored and was tied to a tree, and then it wouldn’t start. The throttle cable had gone. Hinsey seeing that this problem could be a bit more complicated than risking his testicles, slunk off to his day bunk. Les and Dude organised a tow between the boats until an engineer could be found. Tom was eventually prised out of the shower and Iain offered to help his GRADE A friend. Meanwhile, Les was dragging the boats all over the canal unused to the drag effect of the ‘butty’, Dude was doing his best to fall in trying to keep the tow rope straight and yours truly was at his post on the helm, watching over the efforts of his motley crew. Honky Tonk and his admirer struggled with their repairs as the boats lurched along the canal, Tom was clearly shaken by the GRADE A revelations and kept dropping the retaining nuts into the bilge water, lucky I brought a lot along. Doc being the usual spare prick at a wedding, was completely lost as usual, so I asked him to take some photos to record these momentous events for the Navigator. His reply was, “It isn’t very interesting”. Market Drayton in the evening our chosen pub offered Hanby bitter, which was pleasant and cheap, but it was a bit of a kids’ place, aimed at the under-45s. Tuesday, even hotter. As there were a lot of locks to Audlem, it was agreed the night before to get up early. As usual Les went over the top and the boats were off at 5.30am. Even Ronnie Randall was also spotted at the ungodly hour, clearly frustrated by the late lunchtime arrivals so far. Needless to say we reached the town by 9.30am. Tom took the opportunity to have a shower on both boats. In the afternoon Les and Doc served up the dinner of the week, steak with all the trimmings. In the evening we were in Nantwich. Wednesday Very hot and the boat had a flat battery so we used the human starter Hinsey again. We later moored up double-parked for water only to be asked by a lady on a boat passing by if it was our first canal trip. When told no, she turned to her ‘husband’ and said in a loud voice, “must be foreigners.” The horrified chap took one look at the twelve of us (some SAS trained) gunned his engine and executed a speed turn into the Middlewich branch accompanied by our applause. More battery problems meant we called out the engineer whilst we supped Lees bitter at £1-10 a pint in the White Bear, Middlewich. In the evening we spent a very enjoyable night in the Cheshire Cheese, playing darts and drinking Hydes. Thursday. More sun. As we descend through the locks Ronnie decides he doesn’t want a fender on his boat and gives it a good seeing to. Four times Tom repairs it to no avail. We again call out the engineer at the Harecastle Tunnel as the battery still isn’t charging and ask him to bring a fender along, which caused some him some consternation. Hinsey foolishly asks Dude to buy some bread, he returns with 9 French sticks and 3 loaves, has he come up against a master bread-salesman? As we enter the tunnel Iain decides to begin excavations for the 4th Harecastle Tunnel. The Tunnel keeper took it in good spirit: when he asked us for safety reasons how many people on the boat, we at the front of the boat replied 6. But with all the crashing going on I’m sure he said “No you mean five and a wanker.” We moor up at the Packhorse selling lots of great ales, but has an ominous sign on the windows ‘Karaoke night Thursdays’ Friday: Privileged to see Les on the other boat drive off and then attempt to go in a circle as he had forgotten to untie the front of his boat. Lunch time was in Stone. In the evening we arrive at Weston, the Woolpack didn’t want to cater for us, but the Saracens Head did us proud. Saturday. The bloody sun is still shining, the warmest and driest trip on record. |
| The Grade A party pose outside the Haberdashers Arms |
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| The Admiral with Frank and Jenny in their old Pub, the Red Lion. Below one of Frank's photo's after our session in Stone. |
| Man of the canals Iain – a deserved first time win for this veteran Navigator. Interesting enough this year he picked up no points for his smoking despite still being unable to kick the habit.
Boy of the canals John Hines, on his fourth trip of his series II canal trips, he finally makes the medals. Stunts with mooring spikes and electricity permitting he is tipped to go further! Turd of the Canals- JOC- His pies helped to produce his best performance to date. Best Dressed Ronnie’s shorts – perm any pair of a tight fitting three – well two now as the black ones split. Adventurer Iain – in the true English entrepreneurial spirit of the canal age saw a need for a fourth Harecastle tunnel and in full view of the Tunnel Operator started excavations for it immediately. Statement Tunnel Operator. On being told there were six people in the boat replied, “ You mean five people and that wanker of a driver.” "Hello Boys" Tom “Hello Honky Tonk” thereby giving Iain total credibility for his GRADE A tour wind up. Rip Van Winkle .When there was a real crisis Hinsey slunk off to his bunk. Wind up Iain telling the barman of the Haberdasher’s arms that he and Les were drivers on a GRADE A tour. Coward Award:Joe for hiding behind health and safety regulations as a reason for not standing on a mooring spike placed between the battery terminals in an attempt to start the engine. Best carrying out of nominated Duty Award. John Hines for not only standing on the mooring spike between the battery terminals and therefore starting the engine, but asking to do a repeat performance a few days later. True Confession of the Week Award Iain for coming up with GRADE A. Delinquent(s) of the week.John O for going off in a huff to the Red Lion. The Invisible Man or Dave Gee Award Cat with his back who didn't go on the canals Best dinner Les & Doc steak with all the trimmings. The butcher now retired to Spain to be with Joe & Judith. Worst Dinner Award John OC and Ron’s pies – well at least this year they weren’t marinated in canal water. Best breakfast John OC and Ken’s Kedgeree. and avoiding putting any fish in Iain’s portion . Worst breakfast Smoked kippers or more accurately smoked burnt tough kippers. Well done Roger and Hinsey Most consistent cook Award Pie-man John OC Dereliction of Duty Award. Dude for not buying enough bread Playing to the Crowd . Iain with 12 Navigators present as well as the Tunnel Operator it was a big crowd. Donald Yule award for the most impact by a non-crew person. The salesman on Tesco’s bread counter. Driver Award.Les and Iain for driving the GRADE A tour party around Reading Material Award.The Daily Rage read by all discerning Navigators! Skittler Award. John Hines for skippering the winning Shirkers darts team as well as making the winning strike. St Peter’s denial award. Ronnie “the fender was broken before I took over the driving.” Sisyphus (most pointless exercise)Tom repairing the fender 4 times before Ronnie finally ‘blew’ it away Mills and Boom award for lovers. Grade A drivers Les and Iain the drivers who always sat together. Farsighted award Joe and Judith for leaving the Packhorse – will Karaoke evening there ever be the same. Special Academy commendations During the broken engine crisis, the boat was being towed by Les all over the canal; Dude was doing his best to fall in trying to keep the tow straight. A shaky Tom was dropping nuts into the bilge, Hinsey had slunk off to his bunk and all Doc could say when asked why he didn’t take any photos was; “It wasn’t very interesting”. The Editors ‘Rainbow’ award for stunts committed after the Award Ceremony For the hospitality from the staff at the Woolpack …. Should it be in the 2001 Good beer Guide? Beer of the week Holdens. Also a special mention to the Lees beer priced at just £1-10 a pint it was a shame we had to wait for the boat to be fixed. Best Pub of the week Railway well worth the walk and walk. Worst Pub The Packhorse ,home to several real ales & Karaoke Shirkers v Workers 3-1 to the Shirkers Man of the Canals Iain Boy of the Canals Hinsey Turd of the Canals JOC |
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| After getting up at the crack of dawn, Navigators wander aimlessly around Audlem for 2½ hours in the blazing sunshine waiting for the pubs to open |
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| More bloody sun, this time outside the Star in Stone |
| Another photo outside the Shropie Fly |
| Outside the Shropie Fly in Audlem |
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| Just to prove it was not all sunshine, 8pm and on our way to Market Drayton |
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| Academy Awards |
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| The excellent Railway, winner of the Pub of the week |
| Outside in the sunshine at the Lees pub with beer priced at just £1-10 |
| Hello Boys, Doc with some of his Grade A friends |
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| Bedtime 2 Dude drops off! |
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| Bedtime 1, Doc shows off his PJs,pipped in the Awards by Ronnie’s shorts |
| Double locks on the Trent & Mersey Joe driving, Tom operating the lock and Iain walking |
| The Picture says it all |
| One of Frank's photos after leaving Stone |
| A blow up of one of Frank's pictures |
| Skipper and Boy of the Canals, John Hines show how its done with not one bull but three to win the darts match against the Youngies!! |
| Tom for the fourth time gets the tool bag to repair Ron's boat's fender, until Ron 'fixed' ir for good. Ron later had the cheak to say “the fender was broken before I took over the driving.” |
| This year's Man and Boy of the Canals being awarded their tropies by the Editors of the Navigator |
| Hinsey still trying to get rid of the french bread with Jake driving after leaving Stone |
| Doc gatecrashes a founder member JHC picture taken outside the Bridge at Audlem |
| Another picture from Frank's camera. Iain is doing his bit to reduce the French bread mountain caused by Dude's shopping effort. |
| Tom on lock duty in the sun, posing in yet another new outfit |
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