| 2009 -the four counties Ring |
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| Academy Awards Statement or True Confession of the Week Award Ron Burden and his conditional confession ““I’m beginning to think it could have been me” Mills and Boom Lovers/ Hello Boys Award Ron Burden spending his time moored up either topless or in his posing pants, was it his finger prints in the spread? Coward / St Peter’s Denial Award Ron Burden always around when incidents happened but never quite fingered. Carrying out of nominated Duty Steve Treacy for his unstinting efforts on working all the locks, day in and out The Invisible Man / Most impact by a non-crew person. Nad, Cat’s future wife from Thailand Cooking -Dinner Award Not so much the meal, but more the transfer of it from boat to boat in double-quick time Cooking -Breakfast Award Les and Cat’s crumpets swung the vote Best Dressed / Adventurer Award. Bob Davies the Adventurer with odd shoes Wind up / Playing to the Crowd Award. Cat’s face when Iain told the ladyboy joke Delinquent / Reading Material / Games Award. |
| Bob again for winning the quiz with the Mozart’s Requiem answer
Far sighted / Sisyphus for the most pointless exercise Award. Ronnie Kirkman for bring bring only one pair of trousers on the trip Special Academy Commendation To Duncan for his four visits to meet us during the week. . Beer of the week Bitter and twisted – Version 2 sold in the Clifford Arms Best Pub of the week Haberdashers Arms in Knighton Worst Pub White Horse Middlewich Man of the canals Ron Burden Boy of the canals Bob Davies Turd of the canals Cat |
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| Sleeping arrangements |
| Admiral's Notes Saturday All of us reach the Dysart Arms within 15 minutes of each other. The chat is all about Cat’s Thai girlfriend and Tom’s doggy lodger. As we set off from the boatyard it starts to rain. Geoff and RonB served up a nice meal with splendid afters but unfortunately the main talking point was the British 8% wine, at £2 a bottle tasting only of Ribena and bottles were left unopened. We had an excellent evening in the Star in Acton, where we were met by Duncan and Martin, two of Colin’s friends. Roger and I were presented with T shirts to commemorate the 20 years of “Modern Navigating” and an excellent evening was had by all. Sunday Rain and a 6.30am start, soon it was reported that both loos on the Sherwood were out of order, but we managed to get one working again. As we getting the water point, I give the most unusual order of my canal carer, to those still in their pits. “All those for number twos – get on shore to have your poos”…. Well, not so poetically as that, but it did have the desired effect as a number of bodies queued for the WC. Later using the future Man of the Canals magnet I fish out a lock key to add to our collection, Ron later made sure we couldn’t keep it, by throwing his windlass in when the magnet was on the boat in front. After 12miles and 22 locks, we reach Market Drayton about 3pm and get soaked again, as we nip in for a quick session in the Talbot. The evening meal from Les and Cat was Chicken, wrapped in bacon with cheese, sun dried tomatoes, Butternut squash and potato mash and roast veg, followed by cheesecake. Shame there was no cheap wine so we could moan about something! In the evening we went to the excellent Haberdashers Arms, where many topics were discussed including the USA and their views on bestiality, which naturally led to JOC and Lilolil, then onto Cat’s blue Viagra pills and his new love of his life. We were also treated to the joke of the week by Iain about Cat’s Ladyboy friend. Those of us who were watching Cat, were treated to his face turning from smugness to absolute horror as the punch line was delivered. In case the entertainment needed any more liveliness, Iain and Les had donned their “Grade A” T shirts, which eventually led to all the pub being reminded of our earlier visit in 2001. Our driving day had ended at 8pm, which was offset by a 12 closing time and John, Cat and Tom falling out nearly an hour later, to catch up with the Ronnie Kirkman’s carers about to let their charge fall on the slippery and muddy path down to the canal. It later transpired Ron had only brought one pair of trousers along for the trip (excuse the pun). Monday Another early start by those press ganged into getting up the night before. The sun was shining but then Bob got up and it started to rain. As this had happened before, questions were beginning to be asked. JohnH’s driving hit a new low in the morning culminating in the “no allowance for the wind episode” which sparked off all the training, at only lock on the 17½ mile slog. Iain sitting on a bench by the lock, pretending not to be part of the crew mentioned to the big audience at the lock, that it seemed that it was the first time on the canals for these lot of boaters. Tom was immediately taken in hand by a big woman and |
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| shown what to do with his equipment and not to go all the way with his paddle. Tom after finishing his task to her satisfaction, told her that Steve who was about to drive into the lock, would need some instruction too. Steve was pleased to report later, he was told he did ok! The morning run ended at Brewood but just as the team were settling down to a relaxing pint in the Bridge Inn they were told we were leaving in half an hour. Later as we were joining the Trent and Mersey, Les taking a sneaky piss under the bridge, was spotted by a lady on the front of a boat edging round into the junction, as he was in full flight, he ended up by wetting himself. A distraught Les later said, he had broken his golden rule; never pass a toilet, don’t waste a hard on and never trust a fart. Our driving day finished at Penkridge at 9pm but the welcome we got in the Star Inn more than made up for that inconvenience.
Tuesday 6.30 Start – Sunshine! Soon turned to rain. Sherwood’s shower toilet out of order again. Unscheduled stop at Great Haywood to have it fixed. We took the rare opportunity of the dry weather by drinking the beer of the week in the Clifford Arms - Bitter and Twisted which tasted a lot better than our previous taste in the Dysart Arms on Saturday. On the way back Bob tried to take JohnH on a very convoluted way to his boat and got lost. When he reached his boat he realised that wasn’t all he had lost. So Bob set off to retrace his route to see where he had lost his wallet, after I checked with the pub he set off with £20 I lent him in case he needed a taxi back. By now we were due for some rain and down it came in buckets. Near the end of his retracing, Bob received a call from a lady informing him that his wallet with £75 had been found on the by pas! (Don’t ask). After it had been handed over, Bob didn’t take the taxi option but made his way on the increasing wet and slippery towpath to catch up with the boats. Nearing the end, with his feet increasingly blistered and his head down to avoid the worst of the driving rain, Bob walked into a bridge, blackening his eye and nearly knocking him into the canal as he fell! Clearly this episode would provide a few nominations for the Award session on Friday. In the evening we were in Stone, the Sherwood taking a premeditated course through trees, in order to snap of branches to use in their unsuccessful attempt to clear their toilet blockage. Later in the evening in the Swan, we polish off a number of very tasty brews and take part in the quiz, splitting into 3 teams, all of which won prizes. That evening the crew of the Sherwood were given “toilet rules” Wednesday 6 am start. At long last “Captain” Tom opens up this sleeping area on Delamere, by putting his bed up in order that his bedraggled crew can have somewhere to sit out of the rain. Needless to say it started off sunny. At the first lock we meet the Mad Monk of Stone, asked later if he was a nutter, Iain said “I’ve seen worse on our boats” On the Delamere the key in the front lock was found to broken. Later under intense interrogation RonB finally conceded “I’m beginning to think it could have been me” As he seemed to have spent this trip either topless or in his posing pants, the crews sensed there was more in this conditional confession than met the eye. Following the misinterpretation of “Toilet Instructions“ by one of the crew and with no sign of Steve, Sanitary Cleaner 2 class, I clean up Ken’s mess in the shower. Being on a roll I decided to have another go at the blocked toilet and got it working again, only for it to go awol a few hours later. Meanwhile Les on the tiller came to a complete stop as alarms flashed on the dash and a few bums went amongst the crew, for not doing the full five morning routines. Alongside came the Delamere and a call went out for the Fleet Engineer Tom. Those gathered watched as Tom, wrapped in a towel, scurried to his new comfort zone in the shower, leaving the Admiral to sort it out. And sort it out I did by removing a big block of wood and rope from the prop. Just then a ginger shadow appeared over me to check if I had secured the weed hatch, as he didn’t bother on the fens and nearly sunk the boat. I responded that he should stick to bog cleaning. Whilst going through Stoke, Cat worked his way to the wrong side of the canal, clearly not wanting to use the excellent towpath facilities. After the going got tougher he then decided to get back to the straight and narrow at a crossover bridge, where he then attempted to go back to his non-towpath errant ways. Fortunately Steve was able to watch his mistaken progress help Cat and report back. We opted out of a lunchtime drink in order to get through Harecastle Tunnel in good time. After going through the Tunnel, we moored up for an afternoon drink and some shopping. When I say moor I really mean a shambles, as the boats were moved backwards and forwards, boats drifting out into the cut, orders being given by all and sundry. Ron even appearing in his briefs to offer advice. Eventually after about 25mins we were parked and Tom and Roger got down to start the cooking and do some serious drinking, working their way through the crews quiz winnings from Stone and some of Geoff’s special bottle conditioned beers that he had brought along for the crew. The end result was a mixture of English and Italian meatballs, with a small ration of the beer that they had left to wash it down with. Afters were yogurts, which Tom dished out for the table, two of which declined. He then pulled out a £3.75 luxury multi-mixed one which he said he had to get as the yogurts came in packs of 4 and he needed 13! As he finished he turned to me and said “Oh by the way the food whip owes me £10 for last nights shopping.” Another splendid evening was had in the Blue Bell, surely one of the best pubs on the canals. As our party was augmented by the arrival of Duncan and his friends Angus and John, we were allocated the back room when a Fishermen’s meeting was due to be held. I left the pub to more rain. Thursday Another early start with more rain and 26 locks. Cat finally put on his waterproofs but soon took them off when the sun made a brief appearance. This was the cue for the heavens to open and a torrential shower and hailstorm. The early start meant that we reached Wheelock soon after midday for a good session at the welcoming Nags Head. Les took advantage of the adjacent ladies Loo and Iain and Bob started their choice of pies wind up. Afterwards Colin decided to do some driving and his snail like progress wasn’t helped, when Les brought out some of his wine cellar to celebrate his toilet repair (lasted 2 visits) Following a shower, I put on a clean T shirt and joined them enjoying Les’s hospitality and was greeted with a large dollop of bird shit over my shoulder. From the galley a call came to change over the gas bottles. As this doesn’t seem to work, a kitchen transfer is planned and at the next lock all is transferred onto the Delamere but somewhere in the changeover the pies go missing and lamb steaks appear. In Middlewich an advance party meet Duncan in the Kings Lock and then went on to the White Horse, this was later voted the worse pub of the trip. The rest of us made our way to the British Legion. Here we had a quiz which JohnH and Steve did their best to lose for their team. However, they were not counting on Super Swat Bob knowing the answer about Mozart’s Requiem. With beer at £1.70 a pint it proved an excellent evening, even if the line dancers and the wind up of taking one of Mr Hines’s Viagra Lite gave me a stiffy. Friday More drizzle as I go to the Delamere to join Bob to do breakfast. Getting people on board to eat proved near impossible, as it was reported there were a lot of captains telling Cat and RonK what to do. Later with all the lock keys on the following boat, we dawdled for nearly 45mins waiting for the Sherwood to catch up, so we could go through Cholmondeston Lock, only to find the Shropshire Union Canal Society were manning it for fundraising. Here we brought hats and two spare lock keys. A short lunchtime was taken in the Barbridge Inn, not the best of pubs and then we were back to the boatyard. With our Nelson hats we went on the bus organised by Colin to the Bhurtpore Inn to find Duncan once again waiting for us. Following the Academy Awards, Roger and I were presented with Books signed by all the crews in recognition of our efforts in the past 20 years. When leaving to get the bus Colin lost his charge Ron, who was eventually found waiting in the car park, clearly uncornced that none of the other 13 in party where nowhere to be seen. A lovely evening again which everyone enjoyed. Saturday We wake to Les talking at the crack of dawn and more importantly to sunshine. Sunday As I write these notes up in the garden in glorious sunshine on the hottest day of the year so far, I begin to think was it a coincidence that we had rain on every day of the trip for the first time ever and Bob made his maiden voyage with us………… |