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THE DOC RAP
Er, yes, well, I don't believe we've met
my name is James Collonette
they call me the Doc and I'm no fool
I was educated at Rugby School
then I went up to Oxford and got a degree
that's where I lost my virginity
my girl and I we had it away
down the end of a cold dark alleyway
we met a couple in a pub who were really awesome
they said come home and make up a foursome
but I bottled out as you probably guessed
and I was afraid to get undressed
now all the girls from Dudley to Australia
know that I'm a hopeless failure
then I went to work and I met Dave Gee
he said "you look like a beaten man to me
so why now come on down the pub
and join the famous Jimmy Hill Club?"
But I replied "you can stuff your boozer
do you think I look like a failed old loser? "
and Dave replied "yes " and like a bad dream
I went and joined that crap quiz team
but the guys turned out to be real good pals
and every year they take me on the canals
I said " one year I might go missing
if I get banged up in a third world prison "
but when it comes to cooking you've got no worries
because I'm a dab hand at vegetable curries
though some of the guys you just can't please
they' d prefer a slice of bread and cheese.
Now let me tell you about my home Nathan House
where everybody's got to be as quiet as a mouse
for if they're having a leak or making love
and even if they're five floors above
the sound gives me an angry feeling
and I've just got to bang on the ceiling
and even Miss Whiplash in number eight
just one sound out of her and it' s a dreadful fate
Now the love of my life is the sweet Duchess
and I'd like to get my hands up her dress
but when I go to her house I'm filled with gloom
for she makes me sleep in a separate room
with the goldfish and the dogs, and it's quite all right
when I step in dogshit in the middle of the night
now It’s the end of my rap and I’ll stop my noise
and all I have to say is " hello boys!
James Sebastian Collenette. Aka Doc.Attended Rugby Public School and Trinity College Oxford. Single but had a long loving relationship with  John’s rabbit called Lilolil.  Greatest Navigating Moment:  The infamous Oxford Canal crawl, where his driving was so slow, that he came third in a race with a snail and a tortoise.   Also made a voluntary immersion on the pretence of finding a mooring spike!
So who are these Navigators? Well they are the brave souls, that since 1972 have suffered the deprivations of living on narrow boats and travelling the canals of England and Wales. Here Joe,Cat + Les demonstrate the damage that navigating can cause.Below are some pen pictures to help you understand the depths others have fallen to in their nautical inland jaunts.
Helen’s Canal Diary
Hi diary! Gosh I was ever so excited about going on the canals
for the first time and I didn’t mind waiting at a bus stop in Gray’s
Inn Road for ages waiting for James to turn up in his new
Porsche. Just for a joke he turned up in a tiny battered old Fiat
instead! Lucky I have been losing weight! Anyway we all got in
ok and had a nice ride up the motorway. Before long I was
getting quite friendly with Ron’s suit case! When we got to
Daventry James took us for a tour of the town including the pedestrian underpass. When he tried to force his way back on the road he certainly told the other drivers where to go! You can’t beat a public school education! By the time we got to the pub one needed a drink I fancied a cool pimm’s but all the other chaps were drinking beer so I thought I’d better join in. After a few pints of Pedigree I was ready for anything, even Tom’s cooking! Well nearly anything!  We had lots of fun in the pubs every evening. Talking of buying drinks, Ron was ever so generous, he seemed to be up at the bar all the time. The Post Office must give ever so good pensions! I wasn’t much good at skittles but I did like playing Chase the Ace. All in all I had a super time and I seem to get on well with the other chaps, ‘specially when I ended up wearing the only outfit that James left me after going home early. The chaps were really nice, apart from that bald plonker who tried to impress me by carrying a borrowed mobile phone and pretending to be a businessman. I can’t wait for next year’s trip. Byeee!    Helen
Helen, a hit on the 1998 trip. One of the very few official lady Navigators. Doc pinched most of her clothes when he went home early on the trip. Seen here posing in what was left of her wardrobe. Sady she never came again (which can't be said for Doc) She was last seen in Hinsey’s garden shed
Joe Ross Greatest Navigating Moment: Being stopped on the walls of Chester after closing time by the local Plod whilst on a raid on another of our boats. Joe was carrying a mooring pole as a weapon as well as having boot polish on his face as camouflage. Needless to say without any foundation cream he came out in red blotches the next day.Pictured in his early Navigating days when he liked to get back to nature by taking off his clothes when walking the towpath. Has been know to wear other Navigator's trousers
Les Hart Aka: Larkfield Pensioner.  This stateless person has claimed Aslyum in this country and normally bringing his extended family with him. Being a great admirer of the English one of his greatest Navigating Moments was his 50th Anniversary VE day celebrations.  Not able to read English he is forever being caught in the ladies loos even though the signs on the doors are quite adequate for other foreigners. He has been know to do a great Swan Joke, but unfortunaety his family keep eating his prop so he is forced to use toilet paper in the act.. He joined the Free Kent Group when he was 69 and was believed to be rising in the ranks from tea boy 2nd class, until the website was closed down, due to the tasteless pictures of him and his half naked female comrades.
Les with something he picked up in a ladies loo
tea boy 2nd class
A triumphal return after 25years in 2006 saw the Navigating veteran Steve Chapman sweeping all before him. Sadly his recollections of his earlier trips in the late 70s early 80s were of constant sunshine and no hint of rain. His lack of suitable clothing culminated in a mini breakdown, when he lost his shoe in the quagmire that was a towpath after 4 days of constant rain. That with his endurance driving in these telling conditions, protected only by a borrowed poncho, his constant whinging and most important of all and his ability to whip up a meal from 24 tins in just 5  hours or a boiled egg in a speedy 3 hours, earned him a well deserved Man of the Canals.Chappo pictured above receiving his Man of the Canals award. In typical fashion he is having a moan that the trophy is non existent. This oversight was due to the Old Postie Ron forgetting he was the previous years Man of the Canal and the trophy on top of his telly was for him to put his teeth in at night..
a picture from an earlier trip on the Thames in 1981.
Spot the dummy? Well the other one is John Flanagan the man who got confused about which arch to go under so hit Chertsey Bridge instead. On another occasion as whip manager spent it on buying his Midlands cronies rounds of drinks
Ron Burden. A Virgin Navigator in 2002 when the picture right was taken.The other picture taken three years after, shows what a healthy lifestyle is Navigating. Ron now has the confidence to show to his fellow crewmen that the nasty underarm perspiration problem that he used to have has been sorted thanks to 3 years of Iain's black pudding in the morning.
A true Navigating Legend. Ron Kirkman. Aka:  Ronnie Randall and Ronnie the Whip. Greatest Navigating Moment: Newbridge.with five arches, none of them wide or high, but the central one being the navigational route. Not for Ron though. Wishing to make the perfect approach to the Maybush Inn, he swept the boat through the narrow arch nearest the bank without touching the ancient masonry. The landlord expressed his amazement, no boat ever having passed through that arch in living memory.  Likes to wear funny hats. Recently taken to swimming in the waterways. Above he shows how he can talk to Horses and not many Navigators can do that.
Steve Treacy Aka: Stace, The Invisible Man. Greatest Navigating Moment: Deciding not to eat on the boat. Unfortunately he couldn’t find any food emporium that was open. This was improved upon in Sep’02 on the Fens, where as Engineering officer he looked in the weed hatch and assured us that all was clear, so a real engineer was called from the boatyard. Tying up the boat was delayed when Steve smacked John round the skull with a mallet the the man from the boatyard soon made two discoveries.1st Steve had missed a rope wrapped around the prop. 2nd, after failing to spot said rope he'd omitted to screw down the weed hatch properly, meaning that the boat was getting flooded in fairly deep water.
Phil Unwin. Aka Spider. Greatest Navigating  Moment: his Exocet impersonation on the River Severn when he flew from the top of one boat through the galley window of another. Phil is pictured below relaxing after a hard day selling insurance
Reunion, Dave Lloyd (4th left) a very early Navigator meets up with his old BT colleagues on the 2006 trip at the Waters Green Tavern in Macclesfield.
The Navigator’s one and only footie team who took on the 11 plus of the Riffleman’s regulars in Nantwich after 3pm closing time and lost, mainly due to Steve being pissed but blaming a gammy leg. Back Row, Mick Kelleher (Kellogs), Oz Tillet (Ozzie) and Brian Pearson (Jinx), Middle row, Steve Treacy, Alex Cormack, Joe Ross, John O’Connor, Jim McKay and Derek Glynn (Pies). Front row; Brian Carey and Ray Prewer
Memorable Navigators of the 1979 trip along the rivers Avon and Severn, Jim Curran and Mick McHugh. Jim shared a bunk area with Jim McKay. First one and then the other started ‘decorating' their bunk areas with pictures of ladies in various states of undress. Instead of competing they joined forces and soon their whole area was plastered, running out of space they moved towards each end of the boat as the week progressed. It was a surreal experience going to the loo and viewing all the lovely bits of female anatomy all over the ceiling and walls. When an engineer was called out he was mightily impressed at their artistic efforts. McHugh on the other hand was renowned for being slow – very slow. Meal times were a nightmare due to the time he took eating. For instance he would cut peas in half. Instead of waiting for him we joined the other two boat crews and went to the pub. In order to keep up with us he put his meal in the fridge to eat later. At one time there were four meals of his in there!
Bill Wadley and Rats      
Tom took this to mean that the people experiencing the said year should eat rat on canal trips. Consequently a half dazed brown rat was fished out of the canal, clubbed to death and brought down to the galley for preparation into the crazed idea of a gastronomic delight. As Bill Wadley was normally the first to the dinning table he had the harrowing experience of being served a garnished raw ‘Rat Macclesfield' a local delicacy according to the ‘chef’. An ashen faced Bill who was a regular up to then, never recovered from this encounter with his rodent nemesis and has never ventured on a canal boat since.Sadly Bill died in 2006.
Extracts from a ‘Day out in Dartford summer 1996
……The day got off a trendy start with Tom greeting his quests (victims more like -editor) dressed in a Panama hat, butcher's apron, shorts, sandals and socks! Despite the new look, we were all soon assured that his cooking was still terrible as ever, when two of the Admiral’s children fell to the floor grasping their throats, after eating taco sausages meant for the Dude and their father. Other poor unfortunates had the misfortune to eat some of Tom's veggie burgers, dusted with dried taco! John disposed of one cube of the infamous dried sauce in the goldfish pond. Tom and Marie's visitors were soon being entertained by goldfish leaping out of the water in an aquatic display that would have put most dophinariurns to shame. One of the fish who incidentally was named after the Dude, gave such an active performance that questions were asked if he had been correctly named……. later …..Tom still had an ace to play. A neighbour who had earlier brought a whole tray of Cumberland sausages to be cooked, noting that l there was only one left on the grill asked if she could have it. Tom deftly grabbed the solitary banger. with his tongs and dropped it…. in the flower bed. With no apparent show of shame, he then picked it up and walked away. A minute or so later she was presented with a Cumberland sausage in a roll, as she had earlier seen that there was only one sausage left, you can only guess what she was thinking?
Tom Blogg. Aka: Black Tom, Taco Tom and the Evil One. Greatest Navigating Moments: Getting up from his sick bed to drive the boat through Stourport Basin and into various boats, wharfs and locks along the way winning him prestigious ‘Man of the Canals Trophy’, here he is seen posing with his trusty sleeping bag and the trophy. Famous for the additions to his cooking such as apple sauce (7 jars once) and taco gravy- below is a song dedicated to it.
The Song El Taco sung to the tune of El Paso
Out in the west there's a town called El Taco
they make a gravy that makes everyone cry
it's hot and spicy with a texture like paxo
one taste of Taco and tomorrow we die
Then one day a black Dartford cowboy
poisoned a boat load of friends
he roasted the beef in a gallon of Taco
and their lives all came to a miserable end
Extract from Hinsey’s Canal Holiday Diary 1988
Monday: The evening meal is cooked by Joe and the Dude and is generously served with a lot of bullshit  from Ken. But that is the only generous thing about the meal. One small chop, a few peas and  carrots plus a couple of small roasties, is not enough for a growing lad with a wife and four kids and a peculiar desire to wear rubber ponchos. In the evening in Saddington we watch as the Dude makes a complete prick of himself by buying glasses of vintage port at £5 a time which he then drinks with cheese and onion crisps!
Brian Pearson (Jinx) and Brian Carey posing on a bridge. Most of the photos from the early days are due to Jinx as he was a keen photographer. Brian Carey's Navigating debut was one of the most memorable ever, being on the boat for only ½ a hour after a fairly long rendezvous session, he hit the bank after losing control, unfortunately it was at the start of a section of bank restoration with steel re-enforcements, which meant the sharp angle did considerable damage as the boat was all fibreglass. Shame Jinx didn’t take a picture for the hall of fame.
THE REAL COOL DUDE RAP
Well I'm a real cool dude as you can plainly see
mess around with me pal and you'll be history
I'm a karate black belt you can probably guess
done ten years training with the SAS
All you punks best get outa my way
get on the wrong side of me and I'm a mean hombre
All you groovy young babes can just relax
while I write down your numbers in my filofax
I'll give you a call one night at home
if I can borrow O'Connor's mobile phone
I'm gonna be your hero like Batman and Robin
when I get you home alone with my tadger throbbing
Then I'll let you take a look at my business plan
for my neat little bistro in Twickenham
I'll have a big range of vodkas to keep your throat damp
a vegetarian menu and a wheelchair ramp
it's gonna be open any day now
if the bank man'll lend me ten or twenty thou'
Now all my pals they make fun outa me
'cos they think I'm on the road to bankruptcy
but I'll make them laugh the other side of their face
when I'm a world famous restaurant number one ace
I'm a Dude with ambition and I'm no quitter
though everybody thinks I'm a big bullshitter
I drive the guys at work to the end of their endurance
'cos I haven't got a clue about selling insurance
my oId boss at Howard Houlder was always full of jive
he told me to piss off and get my P45
we go off every year on a canal trip
we drink a lot of beer and Ron holds the whip
I'm an absolute marvel in a narrow boat kitchen
I can make a real banquet from a pre-cooked chicken
when I'm cooking on the boat I get kinda merry '
on Ma Baker's Old Tosser's cooking sherry
we go into the pub and we check out the scene
then I put all my money in the fruit machine
we like to play skittles or cards or a quiz
but I'm absolutely crap and I can't do the biz
When I'm on the tiller I'm a laughing stock
'cos I always crash the boat when I drive into a lock
I can't steer straight and I run the boat aground
I'm terrified of tunnels deep under the ground
and one day I proved that a Dude can't float
when I fell ass over tit from the side of the boat
I think I look sassy in my cut off tracksuit bottoms
but the guys take the piss out of me something rotten
well deep down they're not such a bad bunch of fellas 
just when they take a look at me they're incredibly jealous
so if you see me on the street better not be rude 
you gotta show some respect to a Real Cool Dude
Kenneth O’Brien Aka: Dude, Bald headed plonker Greatest Navigating Moment: Falling in the canal whilst under the influence of cooking sherry. Never goes anywhere without his filofax and toy mobile phone.
Extracts from A Captain’s Diary 1997
Monday, another fine morning only ruined by the Dude's breakfast of ham, eggs, onions and grits. The latter tasted more like the burnt bits left on a saucepan. The Dude placates us by saying that , tonight's tea will be a belter …..In the afternoon I'm on the tiller and I keep smelling orange which seemed strange. I looked around for orange trees despite our latitude to no avail. We moor at Upton on Severn and await our meal with some trepidation, as those in the know have seen half a bottle of Campari and five oranges go into the meat ball mixture! When the first five brave souls are cajoled to the table, the three remaining take Dutch courage by having a pint of Marstons in the hostelry next door. Our premonitions prove correct as we hear from the 'guinea pigs' that things were worse than expected. Also due to the sensitive state of the Dude's temper it wouldn't do to make any comments on the meal, as their remarks nearly sparked an eruption from the stressed out cook. I join the lads for the second sitting, unfortunately our informants were correct, the meal balls tasted only of orange, in fact due to the amount of orange that assaulted my taste buds everything else soon tasted of orange as well. For once I stayed quiet, as did Ron and my two companions, it was weird eating a meal in which nothing was said. On the plus side for the Dude, at least we ate it, which was more than can be said for the Doc's curry!
In the early days all of us were from the Post Office and the Civil Service dress code influenced our outfits. Here in 1972 Ozzie, JOC and Nigel Butler give an example of day wear. Nigel got one of the earliest canal soakings when he slipped between two boats between the Chirk Aqueduct and Tunnel where the canal was very deep. Being an experienced sailor (he was a European Champion in his class and was tipped for a gold at the Moscow Olympics till the British Yachting team pulled out under Maggie Thatcher’s pressure) he went deep to avoid the propellers and suffered no more than cracked ribs.Nigel sadly took his own life in1988.
More on dress codes – Its 1974 and you notice how the clothing has evolved with the influence of Navigating? There now is a profusion of rubber, wetsuits and waterproofs. In a self timed picture from Jinx’s camera Nigel Butler, Barry Laing ( a non navigator – well you wouldn’t want anyone on board   who is happy to be photographed wearing suspenders) JOC and Jinx show off their boating gear for the forthcoming October canal trip.
On one of his regular walk abouts Ron came across this photo of the Navigator’s spaced out hippie splashed across the front page of the Dti News.  Further investigation by your editors unveiled our sex mad hero was in fact racing a rabid lesbian, complete with a barely concealed dildo in her right hand. Why they were racing was revealed on page 6. A picture of a highly aroused and expectant lady waiting on the ground, was followed by the caption. 'Waiting for a winner'. Apparently the first to get to her could do the business with this accommodating lass, which explained why Cat was yards in front of the dildo wielding brunette. The article went on to inform its readers that the contestants were wearing specially adapted femdoms for hygiene purposes!
Derek Legg. Aka: CAT, Charles Anthony Thomas Weasle, Longhaired Hippie. Greatest Navigating Moment: His unusual boarding onto the boat after joining us on the Thames after an all day drinking session. A headfirst death dive on to the front, whilst the rest of us used the steps and plank to access the aft. Other interests besides drinking is playing soldiers in the Sir Thomas Blackwell’s Regiment in the English Civil War Society
How food used to be served before Les and Doc arrived on the scene. Meals were prepared to a high standard and marked according to presentation, quality, quantity, variety and how green the meal was. In this case Dude and Ron were marked down in their ‘green category’ because they picked wild flowers, which all our readers know is illegal. Earlier in the week Tom scored highly in the same category for saving gas by undercooking the roast lamb. In the other photo Tom and John were marked down for taking the piss out of ethnic minorities, when trying to improve their presentation markings!
Iain Paterson Aka: The Slut. Greatest Navigating Moment: weeing off the top of a narrowboat as it went round the bend … to meet an oncoming boat with a load of women on board. Iain is pictured showing the poor reading material before Ronnie became a regular and brought his ‘park bench goodies’ along on trips. Pictured left as his allto ego Penny Paterson, the queen of the canal in a fetching twinset and famous for the book "Eat More Babies"
Roger Jacobson Aka Jake. Greatest Navigating Moment:  Being pushed into the River Trent by Pies and then being hit on the head when he surfaced by a life buoy considerately thrown to him by the evil Black Tom
Navigators compete in a game of pocket billiards. Judging by the look on Iain’s face he seems to be winning
Extract from the Secret Diary of Colin Donald a train spotter aged 41¾
I'm down for cooking with Tom. This turns out to be a misnomer as not much cooking preparation is involved. Tom informs me that the taco gravy will cover up all the faults. However I'm concerned that even if we don't peel the potatoes we should at least wash them. I am also appalled as Tom has put the tops and tails of the carrots, that I have cut off back into the meal. Needless to say there was a near mutiny when the slops were served.
Colin Donald.Greatest Navigating Moment: His spectacular night driving trip along the river Trent, (see 1979 summer trip) which he didn’t remember about when he woke up in the morning.  Likes dressing up in funny clothes with Arsenal printed on them. Lately moved to Nantwich to be nearer the canals or more likely the Borough Arms in Crewe.
Colin chats up some cows - well life is sometimes lonely with no female company on a canal boat
In 1995 Colin confessed he was a trainspotter in his youth, so what's changed since?
Extract from “Keep Fit the Ken O’Brien Way”
If you are on cooking detail, close all the doors and windows in the galley and put all the gas rings, grill and oven to full burn. Strip to your training shorts and sweat copious amounts of bodily fluids everywhere. (On a cookery note, sweat makes a good stock when making Taco gravy). BUT YOU MUSTN'T FORGET to replace these vital fluids. What better drink to do than an Isotonic sherry. The best on the market is Mrs Baker's Olde Tosser’s Cooking Sherry, a bottle or three should do the trick. During this strenuous work out swear and complain about everything. This is the time to get those lungs working and blood pressure up. Use any topic that comes to mind. The recipe is wrong. People walking through the galley. Jake. Your partner didn't buy all the ingredients…….
Al Reilly - better known as Big Al, a late 70s Navigator whose greatest moment was getting up early to get us a good start and then driving down the Coventry Canal the wrong way. His comment when this was discovered was "I wondered why everyone was waving at me," He didn't notice that the Canal hadn't been used for months and the workers in the factory were trying to warn him..
Geoff Moore - Greatest Navigating moment not going on the canals as his team were top of the 1st Division. However during the week we were on the canals Crystal Palace were stuffed twice and soon were relegated. Geoff is now living in Toronto and the Palace in the lower divisions of the Football League, only one trip Oct 1981
John O’Connor Aka The Flying Pig, JOC and the Admiral. Greatest Navigating Moment: Manoeuvring a boat under a land drainage water pipe, pouring water into the canal in order to soak the occupants in the front of the boat, unfortunately then got the boat stuck under it and without some of the crew jumping overboard to lighten and push the boat it would have sunk. Also the first Navigator to go overboard slipping off gang plank he went in up to his knees on the way home from the pub instead of climbing aboard he climbed back on the  bank for another attempt. This time the plank was more slippery due to the earlier incident and he slipped again and went headfirst in - starting a great tradition.
John Hines Aka: Hinsey. Greatest Navigating Moment: Twice risking life and limb to stand on a mooring stake across the battery terminals to start the engine. Pictured enjoying his second moment of glory. Also enjoys the rain to he can indulge his hobby of wearing rubber ponchos.
Pete and Joe Day - Joe's canalling days were with his Dad and Uncle Tom many years ago. Pete or course was a pioneer Navigator - last seen on the canals in the 80s
An Aussie Navigator Tony Sewell on the Brecon Canal
Extracts from John’s Diary with Pictures 1999
Tuesday. FROZEN FISH for breakfast, the Dude punished us for having such a good time without him the night before. Luckily we had a spoonful of warm bubble and squeak and an egg to get the fish above freezing point. Jake cut his finger when serving, Steve said the fish bit him. Joe said it was frostbite! Sums up another memorable Dude kitchen cock up.... After the morning's appalling breakfast, we had to wait and wait for Tom and Ron to produce a meal that was barely filling. The only thing there was lots of was the mint sauce, as Tom hadn't read what was on the jars. The instructions said,'Dilute with vinegar and add sugar to taste". One would think after all Tom' s practice cooking Iamb, he might get it right once or twice!
Ray Prewer – Another of the first Navigators, seen here pictured on the Pontcysyllte Aqueduct
Derek Glynn.RIP. Aka Pies. An early Navigating pioneer. Enjoyed being in the water. Fell in the Rivers Trent and Thames, the Llangollen, Shropshire Union and Macclesfield Canals to JOC’s knowledge. Pictured in colour after getting out of the Thames after offering a boat full of females his assistance and above after a slip in the Llangollen Canal. Died of cancer in 1992
Jim Fenton – On all the earlyt canals trips and a legend of the early canalling scene when things lived in black and white. Had a darts trophy named after him
Phil Kight above left , started navigatoring in the late 70s,  pictured not seeing eye to eye with Ron
Geoff Martin, the latest Navigator. Pictured above on his induction day in May 2003 on the Kennet and Avon Canal. Unfortunately his instructor is John Hines who can only drive backwards and is into spear fishing. Below in 2007 on his Navigating debut, is Geoff's glass always going to be half empty
Tim Kettley & Dave Lloyd pictured in Tim's  home in Sweden in 2004 with that wonderful read - the Navigator
Ken as you have never seen him before with hair and wearing a red hat.
Graham Pearson and the legendary Jim McKay pictured in their usual canal garb. Graham
used to attend in a boiler suit and before they became fashionable Jim used to wear a vest. Jim had an amazing drinking capacity. He has been known to drink nearly 20 pints in a session. A memorable occasion was when the tables were full of pints and the landlady told us to sup up or leave the drinks.  We made small inroads but when Jim started working through them one after another, she drew the curtains and invited us to finish them more slowly as he started his fourth pint!!!! Does anyone have an idea where he is now?
Its 2008, Ron Kirkman drops out with a broken leg and Ewan O’Connor steps in at the last moment, although he has been on the canals before as a young lad, this is his first time with the big boys. One week later he is crowned Man of the Canals after an incident packed week. Following this week of hell, he decided to relax by stepping into Steve Irwin's shoes and playing with wild animals. Both photos are real!