2007Worcester,Stourport,Birmingham Ring
13 Navigators gather for their last meal of the 2007 trip at the Navigation. There are two schools of thought to why John Hines went home early. One was to avoid doing the 36 locks in the Tardebigge Flight. The other was he needed to go to the shops to get his trouser leg lengthened and to buy something to cover his right breast.
Above, it doesn't seem much on the outside, but the Olde Swan was our favourite pub. Joe entertains the crew inside with some impromptu numbers
on Mrs Pardoe’s organ
Our cooks looking for the missing bacon bits to go in the Spaghetti Bolognaise. A clue to their inactivity can be seen in the background, the two bottles of wine that in theory were due to go into the meal.
     Canal trip notes
Saturday
All the cars arrived at the boatyard around the same time and we piled into the Navigation to start another trip in the sunshine. Doc stayed to watch the footie when the boats moved off. Steve coming up by train was delayed by someone dying and met us at Hanbury Wharf’s Eagle & Sun which didn’t show the Cup Final (or serve decent beer). The evening meal was a Spaghetti Bolognese from Joe and Cat; sadly it was lacking the bacon bits, that the cook had the rest of the crew searching for on both boats. Later, on inspecting the supermarket bill, that item was missing, a poor cooking start to the week. The cooks tried to pacify their diners with yogurt for afters. However, there was still mutterings as none off them except JOC had got even to sniff the two bottles of vino that the cooks had opened and emptied. Lots of catching up over Banks beer in the evening, in the Bridge at Tibberton.

Sunday
Again Sunny, the cooks made up for the missing bacon bits by serving up a breakfast that included some cold Spanish omelette, which had a little too much salt for most people’s tastes. Lunch was at our second choice of pubs in Worcester, the Dragon Inn which had an excellent selection of golden beers, including our choice of beer of the week; Foxfield’s Brief Encounter a 3.8% gem. This fact and the delays in getting onto the River Severn because of building work in Diglis basin, meant we were unable to get to Stourport, our planned evening stop, as the River locks closed at 7pm. (We are not sure if the Navigator was aware of this fact).  As we raced up the River Severn, those enjoying the sunshine in the front of Holly became perturbed when the boat started moving towards the centre of the river and then towards the left bank. Things were even worse for a boat coming down river, for as it moved further over it was tracked by Holly. When we looked backwards there was no driver!  Calls caused a head to pop up followed by a drastic turn to starboard. As we passed the ashen faced crew and driver all we could say was sorry. It later turned out that Paparazzi Hines was having problems with his camera and had taken his eye off his driving and our lives! Before stopping before the lock at Holt Heath, Roger sensing the disgrace of another navigating failure attempted Hari-Kari but only succeeded in cutting his finger. Pretending the deep cut was made by a toilet door he laughed off the matter, but not before Nurse Burden donned his apron to tend to the wound.  The situation deteriorated further as Cat who had decided to walk to the 13 miles to Stourport in his all weather walking gear of a T shirt and baseball cap was out of contact, not being a mobile phone sort of fellow. To make matters worst Geoff, who was to meet us in Stourport, being a very organised guy, kept his mobile switched off. This clearly was to be a day that Academy Awards would be dished out like Iron Crosses in the last days of the Third Reich! Iain and Nurse Burden dished up an excellent Roast beef dinner, with a glass of wine for all their diners, if this treat wasn’t enough, there was banana, blackberries and home made custard for afters. The early part of the evening was spent ringing around, leaving messages for our two miscreants. Fortunately we had moored on a very picturesque part of the River Seven beside the Wharf pub, which served Tiger bitter and Bank’s mild, so it wasn’t all bad. Steve dragged some of the second sitting to the outside garden to test it, while they waited to be fed. Being attached to a caravan park it wasn’t our sort of pub, though Doc was a bit twitchy when the Karaoke came on. Again we were lucky that there was a large spare room that was empty and we played a quiz. Although it ended in a draw, the result was suspect, given the continued barracking and cheating by a certain ginger headed member of the crew and his friend Tony Hancock. About 9-30 we received a call, it was Geoff – we were down to only one lost Navigator. No too bad, so more beer and then bed.

Monday
No sign of Cat in the morning, so we set off for Stourport. On the way Iain and RonB served up a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and gammon ham. We arrived around 10 to sunshine but no sign of Cat. Going up the river locks we met a group of “know it all” boaters in their two boats locking down past us. An entertaining time was had by all, as driver Steve advised by a near by boat builder, watched them cock it up large, whilst even then trying to pass on crap advice to Steve. The lady lockkeeper said to JOC, boat owners normally have less experience than boat hirers, as they spend most of their time painting their boats instead of driving them. (something that would come to haunt us soon). Meanwhile the shore crew went round asking if they had seen a long haired hippy. When asked what he looked like, they were told “you won’t miss him”. JOC got several laughs when he showed Cat’s photo on his mobile phone. At the top of the locks, Steve driving the first boat then spent the best part of ½ hour trying to turn a very sharp right, with masses of moored boats around.  Word went round that Cat was back in contact, as Ron Kirkman, parked boats worst nightmare, reached the top of the river locks and prepared to take the right turn. Piece of cake, two easy movements with just a small nudge of a floating jetty. Great stuff, had Ron reformed? No way! Every bridge and lock was then given the Ronnie treatment all the way to Kidderminster. We later found out that Doc who had taken over from an exhausted Steve on the other boat had grazed a moored boat that the owner was painting, who said in no uncertain terms that they would report him. The following Saturday, John found out that indeed they had. Having picked up Cat, Iain then returned to the galley to warm up his Sunday lunch and made fresh gravy to go with it. Cat told us that after arriving around 10pm in Stourport and not finding any sign of the boats, he then walked further on to Kidderminster. Realising when he got there, he had miscalculated what did he do? Go back, look for accommodation or seek out the local Wethersoons which was open till 12?  Following a few beers, he then popped into the local curry house to ask if there was there any B&Bs around. More adventures followed but due to the kindness of a mini cab driver, he eventually found shelter at £60 a night without breakfast, back in Stourport. In the morning he found their phones charges even better, £30 for 6 as he tried to find out any of our mobile numbers!   A late lunchtime found us in Kidderminster drinking in the Boars Head Tap House. In the evening Colin and Dude treated us to chilli burgers, sausages wine and salad. The evening was spent in Kinver at the Vine drinking local beers from the Kinver and Enville breweries.

Tuesday
Another sunny day and more of the crew were wearing their shorts. Colin and Dude set the tone with an first-rate continental breakfast. Lunchtime was Stourbridge, whilst the shopping crew including Jake set off; the Drinking crew shot off for their first early drink or the trip and were outside the Royal Exchange just after 12. It wasn’t open? Another oversight by Mr Jacobson? There followed a hike around the town till at last we ended back at our starting point at 1-30 after finding out it opened at 1pm. Meanwhile Dude was taking our new man on an even bigger hike. Having been told via mobile the Royal Exchange was closed he keep asking people to be directed to the other marked area on his map called “shops”. Needless to say when they got there, there was no pub and the cycle would start again. After an hour Geoff realised his guide wasn’t up to much and took over. The afternoon was spent going through 16 locks in 2½ hours. It seemed we had peaked as a crew. The meal from Tom and Hinesy was a tasty dish of chicken breasts with Apple crumble and cream accompanied by a nice wine. The evening was rounded off by a walk in the evening sunshine up Brierley Hill to the Vine. A nice evening was had by all in this exceptional Batham Tap House; we discussed tactics in how to improve our lock flight work. Geoff showed off by trying to get JOC to go shopping at 9pm and was told politely where to put his shopping bag!
Wednesday
John and Geoff set off to go shopping at 7-30am in the glorious sunshine, while the rest off the crew, excepting the sleepers prepared to do the locks. To do locks you need water, and two pounds had no water! Vandals had once again emptied them, apparently to drag the stranded fish out. This problem was eventually overcome and we made Netherton and the incredible Olde Swan for a shortened lunch time visit. This didn’t shop Joe entertaining us on the pub’s organ! In the afternoon we made our way through Netherton Tunnel to Wolverhampton, turning in a winding hole and then reversing a further ½ mile to another winding hole. The Navigator was beginning to excel himself. What Jake lacked as a navigator was easily made up for by his cooking with Doc. Swedish meatballs, with pepperoni amongst after things. Later voted the best meal of the week. Colin summed up the shock of the diners, saying afterwards “It has came to a fine state of affairs when Jake sets the standard of cooking”. After a hike we eventually visited the Great Western and split into two groups, one to watch the European Cup final and the other took advantage of the warm weather and sat outside. Iain decided to cheer for the Italians, which caused problems with a chap who was part of the staff. JOC managed to pacify him by saying Iain was half Italian, as his mother was born in Italy. Giovanni Patterson then displayed his Italian trait by advancing backwards to the garden group to keep out of trouble! 

Thursday
More sunshine, the cooks dished up kippers and poached eggs, which repeated on us as the day went on. Nurse Burden was busy handing out Rennies like a dealer at a Rave. The lunch time stop was in Tipton, in the Port ‘n’ Ale. A decent range of ales and a discount for CAMRA members! We soon found out we had new camera members amongst us. The afternoon was spent getting to Birmingham. Geoff and JOC served up sweet and sour pork, with a full cheese board accompanied by a cheeky Rioja. After mooring near the trendiest night spots, dominated by scantily attired ladies, it was decided to move on. Mr Hines showing off in his Die hard, armless T shirt, took one of the tillers and soon gave his boat a good smash in front of quite a crowd. Another great effort! We moored for the night in Gas Street Basin and as we were preparing to go Nurse Burden shot downstairs with a speed he hadn’t shown all week. Was there another catastrophe that needed his attention? No he had seen a girl with an incredibly short shirt walking towards us right by the canalside. He was taking advantage of the low level windows in the boat!  A admirable evening was then spent in the Prince of Wales. Giovanni had his own seat complete with a bronze plaque for a grumpy old git. Geoff spent the evening in better company, with his daughter. On the way back to the boat, Joe and Cat popped into the Tap and Spile near where we were moored. Joe left just before three and Cat fell aboard at 20 to 5! 

Friday
Rain! Having failed to find a water point the day before we spent an hour and a half topping up before we could get going. Ron and John served an English Breakfast on the instructions of Nurse Burden, who having used up all his Rennies was concerned of what repeats would do to Cat and Joe. As it happened there was a no show from Joe, who eventually got up to meet Ruth Hines at Alvechurch. She had come to pick up John to go onto a Freemasons function in Bournemouth. We had a 40 minute session in the Weighbridge pub. A real find, then we had to go to tackle the Tardebigge flights of 36 locks. We said goodbye to Ruth and a bare breasted and rolled trousered John. His ad hoc mason’s gear was a bit over the top as his headware was a four knotted hankie. We were also greeted by our old friend the sun. After an hour’s cruising and a couple of more tunnels we reached the lock flight. We planned a 2-2-2-2 formation with Geoff as lockmaster but with Joe and Cat in front this became a 2-0-0-0-0-0-2-2-2 formation, as they raced ahead to seek sustenance and solace for their previous nights activities at the hostelries down the flight. The two boats passed through the combined total of 72 lock in a very respectable 3½ hours. Due to the short lunch stop the Academy Awards were combined with the evening meal at the excellent Navigation, a few yards from the boatyard. They did us proud with good food and an extra guest beer. Cat was a clear winner of the Man of the Canals, Giovanni came in second and sleepy Joe was the “Turd Man”.
Sunday lunchtime in the Dragon serving lots of wonderful golden ales, note this is the last photo of Cat till he turns up for brunch on Monday.
Due to all the building work we were very slow going through Diglis Basin. Iain and Tom are clearly not worrying about the passing time as they watch Hinsey try to edge to the bank
The steersman stand to attention as the Admiral is piped aboard in the Worcester River Lock, Hinsey looks a bit of a slacker and this is born out not long after when his negligence nearly caused a nasty crash with another boat on the Severn
The Navigating Officer looking lost again
Two views of the cathedral, the second looking back towards the bridge shows steersman Hines not paying attention
Tom hard at work on his engineering duties on the River Severn
Flooded lock on the way down to Worcester
The Hines at Alverchurch. Ruth on the Bridge and John below trying to get her on board in an another attempt to score points at the Academy Awards. Steve walks away in embarrassment.
The brilliant Weighbridge public house, sadly due to time constraints we could not take advantage of the excellent hospitality and terrific two beers.
Shore leave in Wolverhampton. The crew depart for a well earned beer following their exertions dragging the boats backwards from one winding point to another. This punishment was inflicted on them by the Navigator who was fed up with the constant criticism of his duties.  Behind us are a hotel boat and a butty.
The Man Of the Canals tucking into a celebratory icecream at the Academy Awards. It looks like he and Steve have a lot of pints lined up
The Royal Exchange at Stourbridge, despite the mix up about opening times, the tasty Batham beers and the £1 butties were well worth the wait, and in Geoff and Dude’s case the long walk backwards and forwards to the shops, below outside in the garden.
Iain, Geoff and Jake working hard on the Tardebigge Flight of locks. We were getting through some locks in less than 4½ minutes
Ron on Sunday- Worcester & Birmingham canal at Sidbury Locks
The Admiral pictures on Sunday on River Seven between Worcester & Bevere Locks looking like he still hasn't worked out the Guardian’s masturbation article
Sunday - River Seven between Worcester & Bevere Locks. The cooks seem on top of things
Sunday - River Seven between Worcester & Bevere Locks
Any ideas where this photo was taken by John Hines
A very concerned crew of on-coming boat watch as Hines finally decides to alter course after JOC's intervention (pictured) below
Our sunday night stop at Holt, two photos of the Bridge nearby
Joe full steam ahead into Stourport Narrow River lock
Ron storms out of Kidderminster lock
two pictures of the Bridge at Tibberton
Academy Awards
Best Dressed Award - Cat in his all, day all night walking gear
Adventurer Award – Cat Stourport or bust
True Confession of the Week Award – Cat for being savaged by a rabid mouse whilst wearing a ‘Rodent Rocks’ T shirt
Delinquent(s) of the week – Stop out Cat, once again in the Worcester area
The Invisible Man or Dave Gee Award - Cat on Sunday night 
Most consistent cook Award – Joe
Rip Van Winkle Award – Joe’s Friday lay in
Worst breakfast Award – Joe and Cat, the lad’s like their Spanish omelette less salty and a bit warmer.
For the most improved Cook Award – Cat and Joe
Worst Dinner Award – Cat and Joe a Spaghetti Bolognese lacking bacon bits and no wine for the diners.
Joe celebrates his Rip Van Winkle Award with a quick nap above and below taking every opportunity to get his legs up
Wind up Award - Giovanni Patterson’s shortening of Dude monologue about the girl from north eastern Norway. When he got to the part about what she said, an Italian voice was heard to say “F**k off you fat git”.
Coward Award- Giovanni Patterson for adopting his mum’s national trait by advancing backwards in the Great Western.
Foul emission Award – Giovanni Patterson for unblocking the loo after Jake using only his left arm (his button finger)
St Peter’s denial award - Giovanni Patterson my mum’s Italian.
Two pictures taken inside th Weighbridge 
Giovanni Patterson being awarded his "boy" by Doc
Dereliction of Duty Award -Our Navigator
Sisyphus Award for the most pointless exercise – The Navigator for ordering a reversal procedure between two turning points in Wolverhampton.
Best carrying out of nominated Duty Award - SRN Burden the boaters comforter, Rennies on demand.
Far sighted award - Nurse Burden for tactical letching in Birmingham. Seeing a girl with an incredibly short shirt walking towards and near the boat, he rushed to observe from a low level window inside.
Joe gets his Turd of the Canals award from Jake who picked up a couple of awards himself
Ron pictured after administering Joe some amphetamine to keep him awake for the photo
Games Award- Dude for taking Geoff on a ramble around Stourbridge.
Dude in training for his attempt on the Games Award
The Editor’s ‘Rainbow’ award for stunts committed after the Award Ceremony – John for shunting a car after leaving the boatyard.
Statement Award – JOC I can see the difference between masturbation orgasms and ones with a partner.
Mills and Boom award for lovers Colin and Dudie for their spoon feeding in the kitchen.
The picture of our cooks sums up what a book couldn't
Driver Award - Paparazzi Hines, the pilot of the first Shinyo (a fast Japanese suicide motorboat) on the River Severn.
After a night on the tiles, Iain warms up Cat’s lunch meal and serves it up for Monday brunch
Cat shows the night light which Iain kept burning for him to show him the way home on Sunday night. This was tastefully made into a special award for Cat, and presented to him on Friday night., with the help of some black dyno-tape. Iain was reluctant to say where he got the night light, but I wouldn’t bother to go to the Bridge for a candle lit dinner in the near future.
Boars Head Tap House in Kidderminster
Joe after trying his own Spanish omelette,
Picture of the boat that Doc brushed against. Although Geoff assured us he just grazed it, we would hate to see the damage if Doc had hit it.
Reading the papers in the Boars Head Tap House in Kidderminster, Tom is preparing to take a photo which we reproduce below.
Steve outside his cafe in Worcester
Sunday, no Doc hasn’t been here before.  Joe is assessing the damage caused by the April floods on the Severn. However, the other boat was given a heavy nudge by JOC, as he came into moor.
Thursday night (+Friday morning in Cat &Joe’s case) in Gas Street Basin, what a change from our last stay here. Iain is pictured in Mr Grumpy’s seat in the Prince of Wales
A VERY CIRCULAR SONG , Roger's article for the SPBW magazine Pint in Hand

The massed ranks of Special Branch gathered for their annual convention afloat in the last week in May, 14 of us including a new recruit. This year we began at Stoke Prior, on the Worcester and Birmingham Canal near Bromsgrove, and did a circular clockwise route via the River Severn, the Black Country and Birmingham. Happy to report, just about every pub we visited was of at least a good standard with beers to match. During our couple of days in the Black Country we had the pleasure of visiting classic pubs such as the Vine in Brierley Hill, Olde Swan in Netherton and the Great Western in Wolverhampton; all these have been featured in previous PiHs and all that needs to be said is that these establishments should be visited by all lovers of pubs and beer. So let’s consider some of the best pubs we were previously less familiar with.
Sunday lunchtime found us in Worcester and close to the city centre, just north of Foregate rail station we descended on the Dragon Inn in The Tything. This mostly comprises of one long room with a patio area out the back and the main drinking area to the front. Six beers (and two ciders) are on handpump and our prime selection was Brief Encounter, a golden 3.8% bitter from the Foxfield brewery in south Cumbria. The brewery is attached to the Prince of Wales pub (see PiH85), both under the charge of SPBW member Stuart Johnson. The beer went down a treat and was later voted our favourite beer of the week. Other beers included choices from the Salamander and Cannon Royal breweries which were also sampled with relish. So euphoric at this experience was our most hirsute member that he later embarked on a tour of the byways of Worcestershire, failing to reappear until the next morning.
The small town of Kinver, on the scenic Staffordshire & Worcester canal, was once renowned as one of the ‘beer wonders of the waterways’ for the variety of breweries represented in its pubs; this before the explosion of small and micro-breweries. These days the main pub of renown is the Batham’s house, the Plough & Harrow. Due to our fairly late arrival in the evening we ventured no further than the Vine on the bridge by Kinver lock. This was formerly an M & B pub, which I suppose is why we never visited in the past. I’m not sure what the ownership is now but the beer choice was doubtless much improved: alongside London Pride were one fairly local and one very local brew: Enville bitter and Kinver Edge. The latter, which presumably didn’t have far to travel, was very much our preference of the two. The pub itself has evidently been opened out over the years but still retains the sense of different drinking areas. Service was efficient and friendly, which always helps.
Our first taste of Batham’s was not long delayed; the following lunchtime we reached Stourbridge and headed for the Royal Exchange in Enville Street, one of the Delph brewery’s 10 houses.  We arrived too early since the pub doesn’t open until 1.00 pm but we made up for the delay by tucking with gusto into the excellent mild and bitter (£1.72 and £1.92 respectively). There are two quite separate smallish bars, accessed by a passageway on the left which also leads to an outside drinking area. The RE is just a few minutes walk from the canal and very handy for the town centre as well.
After our aforementioned trio of classic pubs we spent a day on a fairly straight run between Wolverhampton and Birmingham. For a break we stopped off on the aqueduct by Dudley Port station (which is actually in the Horseley Heath district of Tipton) and strolled half a mile north on the main road to the Port ‘n’ Ale. This is a large free house consisting of one large room with a conservatory for dining attached. We kept the hardworking and cheerful barmaid busy by ordering from a wide selection of ales; I can’t recall them all but we were most impressed by Greene King’s Ale Fresco (proves they can get it right if they try) and Adnams Explorer.
The first time I went to Birmingham by boat, the canal crept furtively through the city centre, which itself looked unwelcoming from the water. 25 years on the canal is very much the focus of activity, a vibrant area with wall to wall bars and restaurants, the towpaths thronged with cheery Brummies out to enjoy the local environment. Inevitably there are plenty of decent pubs within easy reach of the canal but we spent the evening in just one of these: the Prince of Wales in Cambridge Street close to the National Indoor Arena and Rep Theatre. This was busy and bustling, one room in a U shape; although a fairly small pub, it still manages to host live music on Sunday afternoons. Having settled down we had to relocate across the pub as we were occupying a seat reserved for the resident Mr Grumpy. There was a good range of beer to cheer him up, including the likes of Landlord and Deuchars IPA plus some less common ales. Back by canal, the Tap & Spile is the place for insomniacs, staying open (officially) until 4pm, which two of our more indulgent members can vouch for.
Friday found us heading back south along the Worcs & Brum and we stopped for lunch at the Weighbridge, just south of Alvechurch (see pic on back page). The pub is a fairly recent conversion from a former cottage which I believed also served as an office for the original weighbridge and is sited right next to the Alvechurch Boat Centre. It’s quite a little gem with its three small room and covered patio, offering a beer choice of Tillerman’s Tipple from the local Weatheroak brewery and one guest (on our visit, Millstone’s Three Shires). Such a shame then that we had only time for a brief visit before heading back to the canal to tackle 35 locks (in 3½ hours!) of the Tardebigge flight back to the boatyard.
Needless to say we worked up a healthy thirst and hunger through our exertions and luckily refreshment was close at hand in the shape of the Navigation Inn, just along the road from the boatyard. This offers a public bar with pool table and a larger lounge with a restaurant area at the back. We had reserved tables and sat down to tuck into excellent and good value food, washed down with some well kept ales. London Pride, Bombadier and John Smith’s bitter are the standard choices here but we chose from the two guest ales: Enville White and Adnam’s Explorer. These went down a treat and helped to provide a worthy finale to a highly enjoyable week. Just to add that the Navigation’s mine hosts are a very friendly couple and the pub is highly recommended if you’re floating by.
The Great Western in Wolverham, where we first discovered about Giovanni Patterson’s Italian mother.
The wonderful Vine   a.k.a Bull & Bladder