| When you just need a laugh, look here. I'll be adding new ones all the time, and I've got plenty of sources to keep 'em fresh and fun. =) Enjoy! |
| *When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. *A-B-C, LSD, gummy bears are chasing me. *I don't buy temporary insanity as a murder defense. People kill people. That's animal instinct. I think breaking into someone's house and ironing all their clothes is temporary insanity. *I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. Sure, she may bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me. *Never get into an arguement with a schizophrenic person and say, "Who do you think you are?" *Sometimes I wish life had a fast-forward button. *If you are going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance! *Gravity cannot be held responsible for falling in love. *My little black book is so thick it needs Cliffs Notes. *You have the right to remain silent, so please: SHUT UP. *I'm one of those bad things that happens to good people. *How can I miss you if you won't GO AWAY? *Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies! *Just remember: if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. *Light travels faster than sound. This would explain why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. *It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. *As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. *It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone will be stupid enough to try to pass them. *It's difficult to understand how a cemetary can raise its burial costs and blame it on the cost of living. *Well, today was a total waste of makeup. *Well aren't we just a freakin' ray of sunshine? *Make yourself at home! Go clean my kitchen. *Not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, now are we? *Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. *Do I look like a freakin' people-person? *This isn't a classroom. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. *I pretend to work; they pretend to pay me. *I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time. *You! Off my planet! *Therapy is expensive; popping bubble wrap is cheap. Your choice. *Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control. *Ooh, I like cats, too! Let's exchange recipies! *If you want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll go put shoes on the cat. *Oh yeah?!? What, did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? |
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