| *Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. *And your cry-baby, whiney-assed opinion would be...? *I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for fifteen years. *See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. *Allow me to introduce myselves... *Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. *Better living through denial. *Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. *Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. *Do they ever shut up on your planet? *I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up. *Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. *I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. *A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. *Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen to sleep yet. *Here I am! Now what were your other two wishes? *Back off! You're standing in my aura. *I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. *Don't worry. I forgot your name, too. *How many times do I have to flush before you go away? *I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? *You say I'm a jerk like it's a bad thing. *Can I trade this job for what's behind door number two? *Okay, okay, I take it back. Un-f*ck you! *Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? *Just smile and say, "Yes, mistress." *Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done. *A woman's favorite position? CEO. *You look terrible. Is that the style now? *This is a mean, cruel world. I want my nappy and my medication now! *As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. *I once thought I made a mistake, but I was wrong. *I don't like to lose my bearings, so I keep them in a cabinet by my bed. *I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. *I don't have a big ego; I'm way too cool for that. *I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible, too. *I date this guy for two years, then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name." *I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you. *Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought, "Where the hell is the ceiling?" *I filled out an application that said "In case of emergency, notify..." I wrote 'Doctor.' What's my mother going to do? *I wish outer space guys would conquer the earth and make people their pets. I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it. *If they ever come up with a swashbuckling class, I think one of the courses should be "Laughing, Then Jumping Off Things." *If you were a cowboy and you were dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad to look back and see the guy reading a magazine. *Support cannibalism -- Eat me! |
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