| *The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three; he was the genius. *A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. *You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. *The early bird still has to eat the worms. *The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't care, and I couldn't care less. *In the beginning was the word. And the word was: "Aardvark." *I doubt, therefore, I might be. *On the back of an LAPD Bomb Squad t-shirt: "If you see me running, try to keep up." *It's a little-known fact that the Dark Ages were caused by the Y1K issues. *And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light, and everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do you do parties?" *We reserve the right to arm bears. *Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have. *Monarchs are acceptable, but we draw the line at rulers. *The score was Hydrogen: 2 and Oxygen: 1 when the game was called because of rain. *The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half full. The pragmatist, being thirsty, drinks the water. *"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" -John Mendoza *There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it. *"'Tis a brave man who wears the kilt in January." -Scottish saying *Gotta run. Neighbors just sighted Elvis making crop circles. *Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run (he hates that). *Analyzing humor is like analyzing a frog: It can be done, but the frog tends to die in the process. *Forecast for tonight: Dark. *Repaint! Repaint! And never thin again! *Sushido: The way of the tuna. *You can't have everything; where would you put it? *Today's subliminal thought is: *Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. *Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! *Tofu: the other white meat substitute. *Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor. *There's no future in time travel. *Only one shopping day left until tomorrow! *Sheep don't fly so much as plummet. *Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and give to the Pooh. *You need to find a quiet corner and have a word with yourself. *If things get better with age, he's approaching magnificent! *She's got one wheel in the sand. *He's not the cookie with the most chocolate chips. *"What is your worst sin?" ~ "Vanity. I spend hours before the mirror admiring my beauty." ~ "That isn't vanity, dear, that's imagination." *Now THERE'S a guy who has definitely reached his full potential. *The butter slid off her knife. *All foam, no beer. |
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