| *Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down. *Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are. *I'll listen to logic and reason when it comes out on CD. *"I've always wanted to be somebody. Next time I'll be more speficic." -Lily Tomlin *When you go in for a job interview, a good thing to ask is if they press charges. *During the Middle Ages, one of the biggest mistakes was probably not putting on your armor because you were 'just going down to the corner.' *I always win, except when I lose, but then I just don't count it. *I intend to live forever. So far, so good. *I've been wrestling with reality all my life. I'm pleased to say I won. *If love makes the world go 'round, why can't I just save a few bucks and get it to run my car? *Give me ambiguity or give me something else. *I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait. *When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. *Trouble's always a good shot, and in my case it has a laser sight. *I was going to change the world, but I couldn't find a babysitter. *I may rise, but I refuse to shine! *I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. *I would engage you in a battle of wits but I refuse to deal with an unarmed person. *Some people are going to leave a mark on this world. You may just leave a stain. *You're about as sharp as a marble. *He's about as subtle as a chainsaw, but lacking the social grace. *The lights are on but no one's home. *If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle halfway across a penny. *If brains were gasoline, he couldn't drive a go-cart around the inside of a Cheerio. *He's not the cookie with the most chocolate chips. *I read your mind, and trust me, it was a short story. *She's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. *If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. *The engine is running, but there's nobody at the wheel. *You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle. *Her slinky's kinked. *They say that only nice people go to heaven, so be nice or go to hell. *If your brain were rolling down the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling down an eight-lane highway. *He's so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. *Roses are red / Violets are blue / God made me pretty / What happened to you? *Don't hate me because I'm beautiful; hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. *If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. *Your sister didn't get beat with the ugly stick; the whole damn tree fell on her. *I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce. *The cheese slid off her cracker. *I had an idea once, but it died of loneliness. *We're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you. Now if you would just start laughing, the whole concept would fall right into place. |
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