| *I don't pretend to know all of the answers. I don't even pretend to know all of the questions. Hey, where am I? *If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out of your nose. *Probably the saddest thing you will ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend. *"Hope is not a thing with feathers. The thing with feathers is my nephew, and we take him to a specialist in Zurich." -Woody Allen *I used to drive down the long highway throwing tomatoes out the window yelling, "Hooray for the spicey chipmunks!" *What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I paid too much for my carpet. *I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. *I snore. I don't care. I don't have to. I'M ASLEEP. *I tried to wrestle my demons once but they used too many illegal holds. *Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. *I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. *Roses are red / Violets are blue / I'm a schizophrenic / And so am I. *Why be difficult? Put some effort in it and be impossible. *In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most. *We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different. *Brains by Mattel. *Don't talk about yourself so much; we'll do that when you leave. *You sound reasonable -- Time to up my medication. *He's not playing with a full deck, and the cards he does have are rather shuffled. *His belt doesn't go through all the loops. *That woman would bore a statue! *"May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind, illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord Himself can't find you with a telescope." -Irish Curse *I hope if dogs ever take over the world and have to choose a king, they don't just go by size. I bet there are some Chihuahuas out there with really good ideas. *The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep. *I am diagonally-parked in a parallel universe. *Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. *Streakers, repant! Your end is in sight! *When Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised. When Old MacDonald had a FARM, the doctor nearly keeled over. *"An Australian relief effort is knitting sweaters to protect the feathers of penguins who are being affected by an oil spill. The sweaters are being refused by many penguins who would rather die then dress casual." -Conan O'Brien *A wolf in sheep's clothing needs professional help. *Help stamp out and abolish redundancy! *I don't see what all the fuss is about. If those dolphins were so smart, they wouldn't hang out with tuna. *"AOL for Dummies" is pretty redundant, don't you think? *Five days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park. *EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. *If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. *If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you. [Seen on a bumper sticker] *Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes. *Jack Kevorkian for White House physician. |
 |