"'Anchovies'... He said 'anchovies'." -**.
 "Damn... I'm just too fat to be climbing a mountain." -**.
 "'Dear Diary: Once again the fat guy got the bed...'" -**.
 "His head!  It was torn off!!" "You say that like it was a *bad* thing." 
    -**/Tom Servo.
 "Let's get the dog drunk next!" -Crow.
 "Let's start with a simple test.  Can you tell where I'm looking right 
    now?" -**.
 "Pizza." -Door Number Three. #101-#512
 "She could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence." -**.
 "Someone with a really big butt sat there." -Tom Servo.
 "THANK YOU!" -Drs. Erhardt and Forrester et al.
 "Two men in a hut and..." "And??" "...The fat one takes the bed!" -**.

 "Every mad scientist has one of these speeches." -Crow.
 "Good thing scientists are such good fighters." -**.
 "Isn't *any* amount of atomic activity on the moon unusual?" -Tom Servo.
 "I thought the robot with the human head was really offensive." -**.
 "Love me and my deformed friend!... Oh, and the guy in the car." -** (as 
    The Bat).
 "My shorts are never boring." "Thank you, Tom." -Tom Servo/Joel.
 "No, Edward!  Don't do it!" "DO IT, EDWARD, DO IT!!" -Flora/All.
 "Oh I'd hate to shoot a butt like that!" -Tom Servo et al.
 "Oh -- I thought that was a smoke detector!" -Tom Servo (as Cody).
 "Okay -- It forms three creamy layers -- No, wait, three layers: a creamy 
    layer, a gelatinous layer, and... dammit, I *must* find that formula!" 
    -Tom Servo (as The Bat).
 "This has got to be one of the most boring rides at Disneyland." -**.
 "Who's bad?" "Tom Servo!" "*Who's bad*?" "Tom Servo!!" -Tom Servo/All.
 "WINDOW!!... WINDOW!!..." -All.
 "You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the 
    truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my 
    butt off..." -Tom Servo (as Edward).

 "Dale van Sickel!  He never made a bad film!" -Crow et al.
 "Earth chair!  Earth chair!" -Crow.
 "Gardening always takes a back seat to science." -Tom Servo.
 "Hey, when I said you could borrow some of my stuff, I didn't mean my 
    torso!" -Crow.
 "I didn't know they had plywood on the moon." -Crow.
 "It's injection time!!!" -Tom Servo.
 "Just shoot him!  You told him you would.  Don't pad your part!" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Nice caboose on that girl... What am I saying?!?  That's my daughter!! 
    ... I *am* mad!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Cameron).
 "Oh, excuse me, Mr. Coffee..." -Tom Servo.
 "That felt good... Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck." 
    -Tom Servo (as Dr. Cameron).
 "That's the most casually dressed monster I've ever seen." -Joel.
 "Why does he have to kill them to prove his point?  Can't he just show 
    them a pie chart or something?" -Tom Servo.
 "You seem to be excellently equipped." "Thank you!  I didn't think you 
    could tell through these trousers." -Prof. Fitzgerald/Tom Servo (as 
    Dr. Cameron).

 "Correction: You have an hour and 37 minutes to disarm.  And, yes, you 
    *are* up a creek." -The Isaac Asimov Death Satellite.
 "Do you have to bring everything you find in space into the living room?" 
    -Crow.
 "Finish it!  Finish it!" -Joel et al.
 "He asked me!  He asked me!" -Crow (as Dr. Faroe) et al.
 "He'll be riding in the trunk on the way back to Earth." -Crow.
 "Hi-Keeba!" -Engineer Bradley.
 "Hope you didn't get any of that tattooed anyplace important." -Joel.
 "I can see my house from here!" -Joel (as Linda) et al.
 "I'm not just for breakfast anymore." -Tom Servo (as Tang).
 "I'm so concerned I felt compelled to touch you." -Joel (as Admiral 
    King).
 "Is it primordial soup yet?" -Joel.
 "It's all hot and it hurts and stuff!" -Tom Servo (as Linda) et al.
 "Love me!" -Joel (as Lieutenant Anderson) et al.
 "Oh, and that playground ball's a threat, too." -Tom Servo.
 "See no evil... Well, maybe just a little.  Yeah!..." -Joel (as Kiko the 
    Monkey).
 "She'll be perfect for my experiments..." -Joel (as Tang) et al.
 "Tang's gonna go take a powder... Wait a minute -- Tang *is* a powder!" 
    -Crow.
 "Their technology must be light-years ahead of ours!  Their use of stock 
    footage is amazing!" -Joel.
 "They're like Klingons without the Kling." -Joel.
 "What wire would Camus cut?..." -Joel.
 "Where's your spirit of adventure?" "Uh, that's in my other pants." 
    -"Chief"/Tom Servo (as Engineer Bradley).
 "Wrong, but thanks for playing." -Crow (as Commander Scott) et al.
 "You're new here, aren't you, Elvis..." -Crow (as Dr. Faroe).
 "Your mother was aboard Cosmos 3!" "Yeah, well *your* mother swims out to 
    troop ships!" -Linda/Tom Servo (as Tang).
 "You think they're gonna be comic relief?  I just have a feeling." -Joel.

 "A horticulturalist told me you're the original hybridizer." "Nobody 
    calls me that and lives!" -Pat/Tom Servo (as Dr. Lorenz).
 "And his hair was *perfect*!" -All. et al.
 "Come on, you guys.  It's not a real wedding.  Don't cry." "We know.  
    It's the *script* that's upsetting us!" -Joel/Crow.
 "He's been injecting her with young and pretty, now he should start 
    injecting her with smart and nice." -Tom Servo.
 "Joel, I sense there's a loooong basement scene coming up..." -Crow.
 "Joel, why can't *you* wear nice things like that?" -Crow.
 "Looks like a train, but -- he'll need proof." -Joel. 
 "May I take your skirt?" -Tom Servo (as Toby).
 "NICE TAG!" -All et al.
 "Nipple nipple tweak tweak FLY!!..." -Tom Servo (as Commando Cody). et 
    al.
 "No one could hold a candle to him in this role.  Well, maybe they could 
    douse him in something flammable and *then* hold a candle to him." 
    -Crow.
 "Oh, great, Tony, you shot a midget.  Hope you sleep well tonight." -Joel 
    (as a Cop).
 "Our minds play strange tricks on us sometimes." "Yeah, like that weiner-
    between-the-fingers trick!" -Dr. Lorenz/Joel.
 "Seemed like a nice enough fellow... AT FIRST!..." -Crow/Tom Servo. et 
    al.
 "Spacemen just don't look at home in a breakfast nook." -Crow.
 "Toby will show you to your rooms.  You'll be sleeping with the monkey-
    boy tonight." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Lorenz).

 "Dames like her always keep beer around." -Paramedic.
 "'Dear Skipper: Why haven't you sent help?  Signed, The Castaways.'" 
    -Crow.
 "Every time I get a boyfriend, he crushes my windpipe!" -Joel (as Marta).
 "I wonder if there's an abridged version of this movie." -Tom Servo.
 "Next time I make a robot, no more free will." -Joel. 
 "No self-respecting scientist would have his shirt unbuttoned that far." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "No zombies.  Not allowed." -Tom Servo (as Restaurant Owner).
 "Tell him I'm smoking." -Tom Servo (as Steve Curran).
 "This corn relish is radioactive!" -Joel (as Steve Curran).
 "What does it mean I am 'stacked'?" "Uh, 'stacked' means you're really 
    smart." -Marta/Crow (as Paul).
 "Wow -- look!  She really *is* smart!" -Tom Servo.

 "All riiight!  Beautiful maidens in the hands of hideous beasts.  This is 
    my kind of movie!" -Joel.
 "Better keep digging graves.  This isn't going too well." -Joel (as 
    George).
 "Come in, 'Same-Guy'..." -Joel (as Ro-Man).
 "Due to an error, there are still a few of you left alive.  We sincerely 
    apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you." -Joel (as 
    Ro-Man).
 "Hey -- Mom?  Tell us about Hell again." -Tom Servo (as Johnny).
 "I don't get it.  Is it cool to make no sense, Joel?  Is it hip to be 
    vague?" -Crow.
 "I think we've all 'reported to the moon' at one time or another." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this film." -Joel.
 "Kids, don't ever sit on an archaeologist's lap." -Tom Servo.
 "That guy's uglier than a mud fence.  He could make a train take a dirt  
    road." -Tom Servo.
 "Upon further review, the refs find that Cody is dead.  The play stands 
    -- Cody is dead." -Tom Servo.
 "Wasn't there something in the rule book about 'equal and opposite 
    reactions', Joel?" -Tom Servo.
 "What did you do today?  Well, we watched a stupid movie..." -Crow.
 "What kind of universe is this where they alter your clothes while you 
    sleep??" -Joel.
 "You know, you'd think if he was going to rule the world he'd choose a 
    better spot than a cave." -Joel.

 
 "A marine who says 'Gee whiz'??..." -Joel.
 "Boy, I bet that'd be scary if we could make out what it was." -Crow.
 "Crooks are always dropping obvious clues like that.  It's really a 
    desperate cry for help." -Joel.
 "Don't point that goat at me, it might go off!" -Tom Servo (as Cal).
 "*Fear* killed Tolliver." "I thought it was those big guys in the 
    costumes." -Tom Gregory/Tom Servo.
 "Hey, it's not like it's the end of the world or anything." "But -- it 
    *is*!" "...D'OH!!" Tom Servo/Joel/All.
 "Hi.  This is the human race.  We're not in right now; please speak 
    clearly after the sound of the bomb." -Crow.
 "If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses, it means it didn't really 
    work out very well." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith).
 "It's not much, but I call it Hell." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith).
 "I've got a thing about women on stepladders." -Joel.
 "Joel, I think we're in for a long, hard ride." -Crow.
 "Krakatoa: East of Java." "Fentonville: East of Muncie." -Tom Servo/Crow.
 "Maybe I dialed wrong.  Let me try again.  Let's see... 'zero'." -Tom 
    Servo (as Tom Gregory).
 "Now, we've always known that there are fish in the ocean--" "--Oh,  
    that's a little farfetched!" -Prof. Galbraith/Joel (as Tom Gregory).
 "Objection!  The use of the term 'nipple' is imprecise, incorrect, and 
    misleading -- though, I admit, mildly provocative..." -Tom Servo.
 "Steve, have you ever really looked at a squirrel?  I mean *really*, up 
    close." -Joel (as a Thug).
 "The Cessna Skyhawk *is* usually your best choice for bombardiering 
    missions..." -Tom Servo.
 "There's nothing like being in a gunfight with 600 pounds of high-test 
    nitro rocket fuel on your back..." -Joel.
 "Well, Cal, you've been really worthless -- a coward and a tower of 
    jello. Thanks for your help!" -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith).
 "We've been dealing with genetic mutations since you were in short-
    pants!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "Why'd a goofy old apocalypse hafta happen right when my acne was  
    starting to clear up?" -Joel (as Lisa).
 "Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat... at
    night... in a fog..." -Tom Servo.
 "You know, as long as you're sitting here, I don't even want to *think* 
    about Slime People." "--Although it's hard, looking at a mug like 
    yours." -Cal/Crow (as Cal).

 "Boy!  Walking on the walls must be a big problem!" -Joel.
 "By this time my lungs were aching for air." -Crow et al.
 "Don't talk to me, I'm a high-fashion model from the future." -Tom Servo.
 "I can't believe we're trying to annihilate you -- This is *delicious*!" 
    -Crow (as a Moon Man).
 "I love the smell of SPACOM in the morning.  Smells like... chicory??"
    -Tom Servo.
 "Now that we have a space station,--" "--or FRISBEE--" "--it is at last 
    possible to send a ship--" "--or BATTERIES--" "all the way around the 
    moon." "--or PLAYGROUND BALL." -General Greene/All.
 "She wouldn't have me on a silver platter." "How about on an air mattress 
    slathered with butter?" -Major Moore/Tom Servo.
 "That's the tee-shirt her mom got married in." -Joel.
 "There's a bonus if you get killed." -Joel (as Mr. Roundtree).

 "*Always* get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power." 
    -**.
 "Hey, watch who you call 'impervious', lady!" -**.
 "If I were skeptical, I'd say that was Central Park." -Joel.
 "In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts." -**.
 "Joel, if we ever get to be like these 'bots -- please shut us down?" 
    -**.
 "Thank you , Shoeshine Boy, you're humble and skeletal." -**.
 "That blast to the face kinda helped her diction!" -**.
 "Underoos are fun to wear..." -**.
 "Well, her corns are gone..." -**.
 "Whoa... Better bring a calculator!" -Crow.
 "Yeah, I guess it's a wasteland... except for that *city* behind you!!" 
    -**.
 "Your father was a great man -- and an even better side dish." -**.

 "Antigravity!  It's not just for breakfast anymore!" -Joel.
 "Hi.  I'm intrinsically evil, and I've got a new jogging suit I'm showing 
    off." -Joel (as J.J. Hubbard).
 "If I'm going to stay down here and thump Number Three again--" 
 "--I'll need a magazine!" -Kemp/Crow (as Kemp).
 "If we don't die, you want to catch a movie or something?  I mean, if 
    you're not alive I'll totally understand, it won't hurt my feelings or 
    anything..." -Joel (as Kemp).
 "I know a Weiner Man..." -Crow et al.
 "I'm here for the Gumby wedding." -Crow (as Taplin).
 "Works every time..." -Joel (as Kemp) et al.

 "Ask me about my extra chromosome!" -Joel (as the goofy Dancing Fool).
 "Gregory Peck -- this week on Solid Gold!" -Tom Servo.
 "Happy Birthdaaaay!..." -Tom Servo.
 "He had on a suntan uniform." "You mean, he was naked?" -Penny/Crow (as 
    Bob).
 "I'd like to see you again, lots of times.  And then stop abruptly,
    breaking your heart like a toy." -Joel (as Bob).
 "I forgot -- you're on the 'other side'." "What other side?" "Sauron's
    dark army." -Janey/Bob/Crow (as Janey).
 "I'm cookin' with Crisco now!..." -Tom Servo.
 "I'm not interested in what's fair.  I'm only interested in things that 
    make my head look bigger." -Joel (as Mr. Tropp).
 "Last time *you* helped on a project, we had to jetison a whole pan of 
    burning rock candy into outer space!" -Tom Servo.
 "Oh, we sold her into slavery for some magic beans.  Why?" -Joel (as 
    Penny).
 "So... I understand you two are untamed?..." -Joel (as Sheriff).
 "TELL HIM, GREG!!" -All.
 "Thanks, Bob.  You're real gone." "Thanks.  I'm no expert, but I'm pretty 
    sure I'm right here." -Janey/Crow (as Bob).
 "This is like Up With People in prison." -Tom Servo.
 "This is probably the longest minute in film history." -Joel.
 "This is really gonna make the reunion show hard.  Greg's back from 
    Sweden and he looks way different." -Tom Servo.
 "You know, the acoustics in that cotton field are fantastic." -Joel.

 "Hey!  How'd he know his name was 'Fella'?" -Crow.
 "It's obsidian!" "Oh, I don't think it's *that* bad..." -Dr. Scott/Crow.
 "Now, if you look out the left side of the train, you'll see -- the right 
    side of the train." -Crow.
 "The horse must have eaten her!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Scott).
 "Well.  This isn't good, not at all.  I mean, I've seen good before, and 
    it didn't look anything like this." -Joel.