"Here at Phillips Petroleum, we've found ways to replace the 
    environment..." -Crow.
 "I AM IRONMAN!!!" -Joel.
 "If Bruce Willis' career continues its downward slide, it could be a 
    setback to the forces of Evil everywhere!" -TV's Frank.
 "I'm a highly trained professional and it's *still* cool!" -Joel (as 
    Stony).
 "I want this man savagely beaten." -Crow (as Gregory Peck).
 "Oh, Gene Hackman.  He's good in anything." -Joel.
 "'*Read* you'??  I *love* you!" -Joel (as NASA technician).
 "Since when did NASA paint anything red?" -Tom Servo.
 "We had to scrub the launch." "Hey!  Hey!  There are ladies present!" 
    -Gregory Peck/Tom Servo.
 "Well, I think the point they've established so far is that they're going 
    into space.  I think that's probably established.  Maybe we'll need 
    another TEN MINUTES or so to make it clear!!" -Tom Servo.
 "We suggest you start breathing in shifts." -Crow (as Gregory Peck).

 "Accident?" "No thanks." -Tom Servo/Joel.
 "...And the Lord said DIE CHILDREN DIE!!" -Joel (as the Giant Gila 
    Monster).
 "Bad movie?  You're soaking in it!" -Crow.
 "Guys, did we just do an After-School Special, here?" -Tom Servo.
 "Here, drink this.  It'll make you feel American." -Crow (as Chase).
 "I just want to know if the Lord said it this many times in a row." 
    -Joel.
 "I'll be using this condescending tone until the mid-70's." -Crow (as 
    Chase).
 "I sing whenever I sing whenever I..." -Chase Winstead.
 "Sample my *fist*, you community theater reject!" -TV's Frank.
 "Stupid-Man!  More powerful than an okie-motive..." -Crow.
 "They killed off the only likeable character!" -Crow.
 "What are you wearing?... I'm putting my knee up right now... oh-h-h- 
    h..." -Crow (as Chase).
 "Whoa!  Honey, speak English!" -Tom Servo.
 "Would you forget the skid marks!!!" -Tom Servo.

 "Did I mention that I cried?" -'Morrissey'.
 "If I knew what was going on I'd really be indignant." -Crow.
 "I'm a Grimald warrior!!" -Joel (as Mick).
 "It's after the apocalypse!  Nobody's hiring!" -Tom Servo.
 "It's like he wants to order a pizza but doesn't dare." -Joel.
 "Kim's having my fantasy about her!" -Crow.
 "Mister Papercut -- 47 different angles of paper jut from his body!" 
    -Joel.
 "Nice location for a beating.  Real scenic!" -Tom Servo.
 "One good thing about the apocalypse -- always plenty of parking." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Perfect Paul and his Magnetic Spleen -- he has only one flaw!" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Progress!  *That's* what my career lacks!" -Crow (as Robbie Benson).
 "Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comic books in plastic bags?"  
    "No, we have lives." -Crow/Tom Servo.
 "So what was that whole hitting-me-with-chains thing about?" -Crow (as 
    Lee).
 "SwitchERRRR!!" -Joel.
 "That's a lot of fabric to wear on a cycle." -Crow.
 "They're trying to kill me!  I guess I'll park." -Crow (as Lee).
 "We're basically evil, granted..." -TV's Frank.
 "What is this -- 'Pantsless Motorcycle Repair'?" -Tom Servo.
 "Would you quit being evil over my shoulder?" -Crow (as Kim Cattrall).
 "You're really stupid if you get hit by a car after the apocalypse." 
    -Crow.

 "And he forced Gramps to drive here?  He *is* insane!" -Joel (as Joe).
 "But, Resusci', you *is* a chick!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "'Expandable legbands'?  Yes *sir*!!" -Joel (as a Teener from Outer 
    Space).
 "I have never piloted swim trunks before." -Tom Servo (as Derek).
 "I like you, Gramps.  That's why I'll kill you last." -Crow (as Thor).
 "So, have I told you I have a man up in space?... No, literally -- I have 
    a man up in space." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Sounds like the foley guy's frying up a burger." -Crow.
 "When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to 
    TOR-CHAR!!" -Teener Captain.

 "A fishfinder -- in a hospital??" -Tom Servo.
 "Ahhh, 'two scoops of raisins' my ass..." -Joel (as Ken Melrose).
 "'Dear Aunt Nefertiti: Thanks for the socks.'??..." -Crow.
 "Frank, let's pretend that I hurt you and move on, shall we?" -Dr. 
    Forrester.
 "How do you tell someone they've been dead for a thousand years?" -Crow.
 "Oh, great.  The plague.  And I've got a date!" -Crow (as Michael).
 "This looks like spermatozoa vacation pictures." -Joel.
 "Well, there's no emotional attachment to me.  I can die." -Crow (as the 
    Janitor).
 "Why'd they send a mummy to Pine City Vo-Tech?" -Joel.

 "Blindsided by another short." -Joel.
 "But, keep in mind, I'm intensely stupid." -Crow (as Evans).
 "Can we stop for a snack?  Dave would have wanted us to." -Joel (as some 
    guy in the search party).
 "Free trial sample!  Try *me* for a week!" -Tom Servo (as Cal).
 "Geez, lady, scream in someone else's ear!" -Crow.
 "Hand me up that horse!" -Crow (as Atlantean Soldier).
 "Hey, little girl!  Would you like a salted nut roll?" -a Holoclown.
 "How come they all turned when he said 'Dad'?" -Crow.
 "It's not very invisible..." -Joel.
 "Joel, I can't help but think that this film was flawed in some ways." 
    -Crow.
 "Just advancing the plot, nothing personal." -Joel (as Cal).
 "Keep out of sight.  I'll find out if they're friends or enemies." "Uh, 
    if they kill me, they're probably enemies." -Crash Corrigan/Tom Servo 
    (as Crash Corrigan).
 "Stop wait come back..." -Tom Servo. et al.
 "Thanks for comforting me with a gun." -Crow (as Nan).
 "These guys are aggressively incompetent." -Tom Servo.
 "This looks like a fine place to set down my pasty white bottom." -Joel 
    (as Prof. Norton).
 "Wait there!  We're coming to attack you!" -Crow (as Atlantean Soldier).

 "Alf, NO!!" -Joel.
 "Are the dogs and the shrews friends?  Is that what's going on?" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Did I mention my saliva is poisonous?" -Crow.
 "Go ahead, strip me of my dignity at age four!!  --WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING 
    AT!?!?!" -Joel (as a Kid in the Junior Rodeo).
 "He must devour three times his own weight every day--" "--plus a 
    delicious shake." -Narrator/Tom Servo (as Narrator).
 "I'd like to hit you really hard." -Crow (as Capt. Sherman).
 "I don't even know how fish work!" -Joel (as Capt. Sherman).
 "I think this movie just broke the goofy-meter." -Joel.
 "New rule, Frank: Don't ever touch me." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Rodeos are the opiate of the masses." -Tom Servo.
 "That's a pretty complex insult, for a drunk." -Crow.
 "Would you knock it off about Dixieland jazz!?!" -Crow.

 "Ever thought of putting two similar sentences together?" -Crow.
 "Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this film." -Joel.
 "Hey, stop feeding my bride." -Crow (as Hercules).
 "I have the feeling we've met somewhere before." "*I* just have the 
    *feeling*!" -Queen Omphale/Crow (as Castor).
 "I'm LONG!" -Crow (as Laertes).
 "I'm sorry, your *what* hurts?" -Tom Servo.
 "I'm so sleepy I can't seem to keep awake." -Hercules.
 "I want you to beat up Tom!" -Crow.
 "Ow!!  I fell on my keys!" -Crow (as Hercules).

 "Honk if you're indestructible!" -**.
 "I'm gonna get you!  All three of you!" "Wait, there's... only one of  
    me!" -the Butcher/** (as **).
 "It sounds like the soundtrack is drunk." -**.
 "Oh, pardon *me*, Tom 'I've-got-to-take-an-Indestructible-Whiz' Servo." 
    -Joel.
 "So, in a way, pain is good.  Otherwise, we might be hurt and not know it 
    and die during social studies." -Tom Servo.
 "That's *Mister* Stinking-rotten-mouthpiece to you." -**.
 "Well, Kevin here is Irish, but I'm Danish..." -Officer Nelson.

 "Can you have a platonic relationship before Plato?" -Tom Servo.
 "DEEEEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRTINGGGG!!!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank.
 "Dolphins: one of the smartest mammals on Earth.  Do they wear pants?  
    No! But they *wish* they did.  That's how smart they are!" -Tom Servo.
 "Good thing they made everything out of balsa wood back then." -Tom  
    Servo.
 "Hey, who *hasn't* been 'in the hands of the Queen'?" -Joel.
 "Hey, you got change for an eight-year-old?" -Joel.
 "Hi, I'm a chocolate bar.  Break off bits of me and enjoy me all day 
    long." -Tom Servo (as Guard Captain).
 "I *am* the button!" -TV's Frank.
 "I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women." -Crow.
 "I made a boomerang to hunt wild animals!" -Tom Servo.
 "Imagine what it'd be like if something were happening!" -Crow.
 "I'm a *scientist*!  I don't think -- I observe!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "I'm glad I chose kickin' butt as a career." -Tom Servo (as Hercules).
 "'Pizza pizza' my ass..." -Joel (as Hercules).
 "Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of *me* all day long." 
    -Tom Servo (as Hercules).
 "The Pant Association urges you to wear pants at least three times a 
    day!" -Joel.
 "This is wild, I swear..." -Tom Servo (as Hercules).
 "This is wild!  I've never killed a guy like *this* before.  Neat!" -Joel 
    (as Hercules).
 "We've got to think about your wound." "I can't think about anything 
    else!" -Hercules/Tom Servo (as Derrix).

 "As a scientist, I'm constantly working with materials that threaten life 
    on a global scale, and, sometimes, they spill..." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Beseech this!" -Tom Servo.
 "Double-hi-keeba!  Raised you one." -Tom Servo (as George).
 "I don't cotton to those long-haired artsy types." -Dr. Forrester.
 "I have waited until your daughter reached that age, so that my dragon 
    could relish the flesh of the princess." "Oh, wowwww..." -Basil 
    Rathbone/Joel.
 "Mount your horses, gentlemen." "We're not *that* lonely!" -Sir 
    Branton/Crow (as George).
 "Take her." "Here?  In front of the circus people?" -Basil Rathbone/Crow 
    (as Sir Branton).
 "They're not dead, they're just 'metaphysically challenged'." -Tom Servo.
 "Why does the most evil man in the world live in a Stuckeys?" -Tom Servo.
 "You're not going home." "You're going to Disneyland!" -Basil Rathbone/ 
    Joel (as Basil Rathbone)
 "You've violated ape law!" -Crow (as the King).

 "It says that one time this big lobster came and attacked a lady, but Mr. 
    Ed saved her." -Tom Servo.
 "Today is dedicated to Uranus." "Why, thank you, I..." -Ismene/Crow (as 
    Hercules).
 "Uranus was a good cop!!" -**.
 "Whoa... Did I toss a throne last night?" -Crow (as Hercules).
 "You've been *following* this?!?" -**.

 "But Paris was destroyed in the apocalypse, Winky..." -Tom Servo (as 
    Rocky Jones).
 "Here comes Nurse-feratu." -Crow.
 "Here -- Let me punch you in the sternum to simulate the pain." -Crow (as 
    Doctor).
 "Hey, we can't all notice the same subtleties." -Tom Servo.
 "I am frank to say, I am puzzled." -Haggar Nu.
 "I *have* performed surgery once before, and although the patient didn't 
    survive I feel quite confident." -Joel (as Doctor).
 "I know what you're thinking -- Did I fire six shots of seltzer or 
    seven?" -Crow (as Vena).
 "I'm *already* sorry, Bobby..." -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones).
 "I may be color blind, but it's plain to see I'm wearing a dress." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Joel, this movie hurts." -Tom Servo.
 "Make it personal.  Hurt their feelings if you can." -Tom Servo (as Rocky 
    Jones).
 "Ow!!  Right in the Winky..." -Tom Servo.
 "See what you can do about making this lobby spookier." -Crow (as  
    Doctor).
 "Send in the clowns -- Oh!  Don't bother, they're here." -Tom Servo (as 
    Sec. Drake).
 "The body sees a hernia as a series of ones and zeroes..." -Tom Servo (as 
    Doctor).
 "This is the part where the Zagnut is fertilized by the salted nut 
    roll..." -Joel.
 "To put it even *more* simply: You eat like a pig." -Tom Servo (as 
    Doctor).

 "BEEP plot point BEEP plot point BEEP plot point..." -All.
 "Booze really heals!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "I've got a date with Mrs. Butterworth..." -Crow.
 "Nothing like an invigorating swim with a corpse in the morning." -Tom 
    Servo (as Tom Stewart).
 "Two words: Get over it!!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "You're assuming I liked you in the first place." -Crow (as Tom Stewart).

 "At least we killed 'em before we stuffed 'em in there." -Crow.
 "'Dish of Ice Cream'??  Don't tempt me!" -Joel.
 "Gypsy crushes Joel!  We'll be right back." -Gypsy.
 "Hello, this is Pete in props.  Don't eat the cake!" -Tom Servo (as 
    Pete).
 "He's got a really nice skull." -Crow.
 "Hey, you've got a snooker down there!" -Crow.
 "I 'desire' you to stop singing." -Tom Servo.
 "If these people are beatniks then my *mom* is a beatnik and, she's not!" 
    -Joel.
 "I KILLED THAT FAT BARKEEP!!" -Mooney.
 "I'm gonna moon you, man, I'm gonna MOON you!!" "Well, that's gonna be  
    tough, 'cause you really don't have a hinder to speak of." -Crow/Tom 
    Servo.
 "Looks like this scene was shot by a bank camera." -Crow.
 "Not a high school diploma between them..." -Crow.
 "Shut up, Frank, or I'll let the dog play with you." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Thanks for the character development." -Tom Servo.
 "Uh oh... ... Smells like a montage." -Tom Servo.
 "Well, I'm gonna go over to the morgue and cheer up." -Crow (as Ken).
 "Whatever happened to empiricism?" -TV's Frank.

 "Allow me to knee you right in the groin." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Blair).
 "As disgusting pigs, they just weren't that convincing." -Tom Servo.
 "Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day." -Crow.
 "Dear God he's unappealing..." -Crow.
 "Guys, we're in for some deep padding." -Crow.
 "How'd ya like it if we picked *your* apples?" -Joel (as a Tree).
 "I can't believe how really in London we are." -Crow.
 "If you get near a consonant, let us know." -Tom Servo.
 "I give not a crap for thee." -Tom Servo (as Hestia).
 "I'm going to call it Planet Me." -Joel (as Dr. Blair).
 "I question the relevance of this scene." -Crow.
 "It's like a beer commercial!" -Crow.
 "I've got a headache this big, and it's got Cy Roth written all over it." 
    -Joel (as Prossus).
 "I was thinking maybe I could just *marry into* posture." -Crow.
 "Jupiter -- America's dairyland!" -Crow.
 "Oh, like there's a plot to this..." -Tom Servo.
 "Okay, *don't* kill me!  Sure could go for a sammich, though..." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Thanks for hurling that gas bomb at me!" -Joel (as Hestia).
 "The four dullards of the apocalypse." -Tom Servo.
 "The message is 'Hot, steamin' love -- Texas-style.'" -Joel (as Capt. 
    Larson).
 "Uh, better not go in there for a while..." -Tom Servo (as Prof. 
    Stanhope). et al.
 "Uh, could we get a table closer to the plot?" -Joel (as Dr. Blair).
 "Uh, Joel, if you don't mind, I'm *cooking* here, I'm beginning to smell 
    *delicious*..." -Tom Servo.
 "What?  What was that?  Was that a plot point?" -Crow.
 "You don't have to be Freud to figure *that* one out!" -Crow.
 "You know how I love humans." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Higgins).

 "Bobby, you're a bad person and nobody likes you." -Tom Servo (as Rocky 
    Jones).
 "Can I take your helmet? --Oh!  That's your hair." -Crow (as Phil).
 "'Dear Abby: I'm an elderly woman who doesn't enjoy sex...'" -Tom Servo 
    (as Rocky Jones). et al.
 "Do something, Joel!  This aggressive niceness is making me feel really 
    uncomfortable!" -Crow.
 "Frank, quit bogarting that toothpaste!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "He's got an extra Y chromosome." -Tom Servo.
 "How can you not love a skull like this?" -Crow (as Phil).
 "I'd be relieved if I knew what was happening." -Joel.
 "Made my own blender mayonnaise the other day..." -Joel (as Phil).
 "Please hit Bobby." -Joel (as Rocky Jones).
 "Rocky, have you ever had a funny feeling you're about to get slugged?"  
    "Here, let me complete the thought --" -Winky/Joel (as Rocky Jones).
 "Sugar is the next best substitute for parental love!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "Tripping.  Still works in the future!" -Joel.
 "What he lacks in expression, he makes up for in hat-tips." -Crow.
 "Why does he have to take orders from a bus driver?" -Crow.
 "You see, when a spaceship loves a space station *very* much..." -Tom 
    Servo.

 "Hi, I'm selling subscriptions to _Smoocher_ magazine..." -Tom Servo 
    (as Stan).
 "I'd like to appologize for the entire male gender, thank you." -Joel.
 "I'm going to show you the moon." "No, please stay seated!" -Stan/
    Crow.
 "I saw it with my own hair!" -Crow (as Susan).
 "It's more like the *Minor Vandalism* of the the Eye Creatures." -Crow.
 "Man... It's like _No_Exit_ with bad jokes!" -Joel.
 "Number of seances since last injury: 13." -Sign found in Deep Thirteen.
 "Oh, a *single* smoocher!  The worst kind!" -Joel.
 "O'Neal amulances.  You plug 'em, we lug 'em." -Tom Servo.
 "That's the dullest thing you've ever said." -Tom Servo (as Susan).
 "The unspoken language of bald men!" -Tom Servo.
 "The White Rock Cafe, where whitey comes to drink and dance!" -Joel.
 "They just didn't care!" -All. et al.
 "What a surprise.  He lives in a shabbily furnished room." -Tom Servo.

 "Abstract expressionism -- it's what's hot!" -Tom Servo.
 "And thus did mighty Samson overcome the Phillistine." "By hitting him 
    over the head with a sitting stick while wearing a priest costume??" 
    -Tucker/Crow.
 "'Dear Kids: Shot this guy for you.  Ham in fridge.  -Mom.'" -Joel.
 "Gentlemen -- Spill your milk!" -Joel (as Tucker).
 "It's the Law of Averages!  I'm average -- I'll make it!" -Tom Servo (as 
    Johnny Mapes).
 "Oh, great.  Another oily, unlikable character." -Crow.
 "The cops ate my Chiclets!" -Joel (as Leland).
 "The drugs from the Chemical Wonderland start to kick in..." -Crow (as  
    the Narrator).
 "There are no small laws, just small criminals." -Tom Servo.
 "WHO IS MERRITT STONE?!?!..." -TV's Frank.

 "C'mon, I'm huge, humor me." -Crow (as Richard Kiel).
 "Dr. Heimlich: The Early Years." -Crow.
 "Excuse me.  I'm gonna go toss myself out the window." -Joel (as George 
    Nader).
 "Hey, we're trying to *duplicate* down here!" -Tom Servo (as Prof. von 
    Dornheimer (stifled laugh)).
 "I'm equipped with shifting antigens, so don't even try to find a cure!" 
    -Tom Servo.
 "I'm going to be a world-champion blind lady!" -Crow (as Lisa).
 "I oughta kick your so-called butt!" -Crow (as Prof. von Dornheimer).
 "It's the blind leading the bland." -Crow.
 "I worked at NASA back when we were next to Cost Cutters." -Tom Servo (as 
    Dr. Munsen).
 "Oh, George Nader.  He's untalented at any speed." -Joel.
 "That's me, except I'm moist." -Tom Servo.
 "The boys did *what*?  They duplicated *Lumpy*?!?" -Crow (as Hugh 
    Beaumont).
 "There's no need to be formal, Mr. Martin.  Please -- take off your 
    pants." -Joel (as Prof. von Dornheimer).
 "This is a complete redesign that I've called 'Tank Rambo'.  It's an all- 
    terrain assault Me." -Tom Servo.
 "This is _Beverly Hills Cop_, only the slow, white version." -Tom Servo.
 "Well, okay, but don't duplicate my butt." -Joel (as George Nader).
 "Wow!  If a fellow were to happen to be a human duplicator, he could 
    really have a ball up here!" -Joel (as George Nader).

 "A friend who can't catch?  I don't think so!" -Tom Servo.
 "America is leaning on cheese!" -Crow.
 "Any moment now, unspeakable horror!  Trust me!" -Tom Servo (as  
    Narrator).
 "As dull as a beige room." -Tom Servo.
 "Barkeep, could you freshen my date?" -Joel (as Dr. Manning).
 "But there was no monster..." -Narrator.
 "Could you imagine if you were the kind of person who enjoyed this?" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way." -Tom  
    Servo (as Narrator).
 "Great place to die, though.  Real spooky!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Manning).
 "He made her bark!" -Crow.
 "Hey, Timmy, my dad's dead again!  Can I come over for dinner?" -Crow (as 
    Jimmy).
 "If you can't out-act a post!" -Crow.
 "It's a hover-Bonneville!" -Joel.
 "Johnny Longtorso /Johnny Longtorso / the man who comes in pieces... He's 
    LONG!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank.
 "Let's play with phosphorous!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Taylor).
 "Now *that's* science!" -Joel.
 "Oh, he's just the host organism..." -Crow.
 "There!  Your announcer feels vindicated.  This is extremely horrible!" -
    Tom Servo (as the Narrator).
 "These two girls they make quite a pair/ They both come from your worst 
    nightmare/ They will haunt your soul forever/ And now, when you see 
    pink, you're gonna think, 'We're doomed!'/ They are agents of 
    Satan..." -Tom Servo.
 "This has been a test.  Had this been an actual movie, you would have  
    been entertained." -Tom Servo.
 "This is gonna suck..." -Crow.
 "This is the 'A-Go-Go' part." -Tom Servo.
 "Tom, I don't get you." "Nobody does.  I'm the wind, baby!" -Gypsy/Tom 
    Servo.
 "We're gonna get burned, Joel.  We're gonna get roasted like nuts!" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "What a day.  I invented Gainesburgers and I didn't even mean to!" -Tom 
    Servo (as Dr. Brent).
 "Women are torn apart like fresh bread..." -Joel (as Narrator).
 "Yeah, kids are always mutilating people." -Crow.

 "And here come the freaks now, look at 'em..." -Crow.
 "And Madonna thinks *she's* innovative!" -Crow.
 "Are you with the bride or the failure?" -Crow (as a Swede).
 "Hey, uh, lady?  I'm a nice big pine that you could pray to, maybe.  
    Maybe!..." -Joel (as Pine Tree).
 "I'm relative humidity.  It's not so much the heat as it is me." -Tom 
    Servo (as the West Wind).
 "Is it Sampo yet?" -Joel (as some whiney Troll).
 "Is there another wise man we could talk to?" -Crow (as Lemonkainen).
 "I think it's a strapless evening gown." "You think *everything* is a 
    strapless evening gown!" -Tom Servo/Crow.
 "It's a bag of Homer Simpson!" -Joel.
 "Kids come running for the great taste of Sampo!" -Joel.
 "Sorry about the tip; I left my money in my other -- uh, pocket..." -TV's 
    Frank.
 "Store this image away for a later nightmare!" -Tom Servo.
 "*The Box*, Frank, *The Box*!..." -Dr. Forrester.
 "The U.S.A. makes the best damn Sampos on the market, and I mean 
     *nobody's* gonna change that!" -Tom Servo.
 "They're doing it clown style!!  Noooo!..." -Tom Servo.
 "They're roasting Bullwinkle!" -Joel.
 "This is the most emotion ever expressed in Sweden." -Joel.
 "This is the strangest debate format I have ever seen." -Joel.
 "We come bearing honey-baked hams!" -Crow (as a Swede).
 "You know what would be a really funny routine? -- if we could somehow 
    make the audience members... question their love for their spouses!" 
    -Crow.
 "You may get burnt on this ride." -Joel.

 "Are you mad, Varnoff?!" "What the hell do you think?!" -Prof. Strowsky/ 
    Joel (as Bela).
 "CUT!!  Hey, Bela, don't even *think* about it!" -Crow.
 "Don't worry, he's as gentle as a kitten." "Yeah, a big, bald, deranged 
    kitten that could snap your neck like celery!" -Bela/Tom Servo.
 "Her pencil's gone again..." -Crow.
 "He's shooting at a different movie!" -Crow.
 "He tampered in God's domain..." -Captain Robbins.
 "Man... I wish they had a more effective monster.  This is taking 
    forever!" -Joel.
 "Oh -- God, no!!  Does he have room for *her* down there?!" -Crow.
 "Oh, no!!  Not the bean bag chair!" -Joel.
 "The night, the monster, and thou." -Crow (as Prof. Strowsky).
 "You know, this is Bela's best scene, and he's not even in it!" -Crow.

 "Been hittin' the Thighmaster, Torgo?" -**.
 "Could you hold that one card up?  What's it say?  Oh, yeah -- 'Arf!'" 
    -Crow (as the Evil Hellbeast).
 "Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph." 
    -Joel.
 "He's the clown who makes the dark side fun." -**.
 "His only crime was being born delicious!" -Crow.
 "I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me --" "--was 
    Harry!" -Crow (as Hired! guy).
 "Kids worship the darndest things!" -Joel.
 "LeT mE gET yOuR CoMplImeNTaRy CraZy bREaD--" "--NO!!!" -Torgo/Dr. 
    Forrester and TV's Frank.
 "Say, y'know, it's been two hours, but it's still pretty warm..." -TV's 
    Frank.
 "Tonight: Manos gets caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse..." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Torgo, you're missing the fight!  Put your dress on and get in there!" 
    -Tom Servo.
 "You know, there are certain flaws in this film." -Tom Servo.
 "Ziggy had Garfield neutered?!  Now *that's* funny!" -Joel.