"Corn with cream and sugar?" "Well, I take my corn black, so it's not 
    a problem." -Mike/Crow.
 "Crow, your voice kind of sounds different..." -Joel.
 "Don't compare yourself, Mike.  It ain't healthy." -Tom Servo.
 "Ew, I instantly need counseling." -Crow.
 "Frank, how are you, Frank?" -Joel.
 "Guy's a catcher's mitt with eyes." -Crow.
 "I know, let's play ring toss with your soul!" -TV's Frank.
 "I like fudge." "You don't mean that!" -Crow (as Mr. McMillan)/Tom 
    Servo (as Mrs. McMillan).
 "I'm stuck up here, and that guy gets to manage a hot fish shop." 
    -Mike.
 "Interior bedroom.  Me, draped across the bed, touseled by tawny, I 
    lay there, hand on my taut tummy, still pretty in a worried sort of 
    way." -Tom Servo (as Natalie).
 "It's either grain alcohol in back alleys or a happy world of rodents 
    in feetie pajamas." -Mike.
 "Jump up my tube, white boy." -Gypsy.
 "My years on the Satellite of Love were the best years of my life.  
    They made a man out of me, and maybe, just maybe, they'll make a 
    man out of you, too." -Joel.
 "The Sooouuuullll-takah!" -Tom Servo.
 "Triple sow-cow really takes it out of you." -Tom Servo (as Natalie).
 "We got thrown from the car in an equidistant fashion." -Crow (as 
    Natalie).
 "You know, it's just not death with dignity if there's an Estevez in 
    the room." -Crow.
 "You're beautiful." "Yep, she did write this." -Zach/Crow.
 "You're dead, Nancy Kerrigan!" -Crow (as Natalie).
 "Zach, good-byes are more effective when somebody leaves." -Crow (as 
    Natalie).

 "Bad cut!" -Tom Servo.
 "Can I pony?!" -Brain Guy.
 "I'm a crummy Critter." -Tom Servo (as Critter).
 "I think you're uncomfortable acknowledging Crow as a sexual being." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Man, if it gets any wilder, a bridge game is going to break out." 
    -Crow.
 "Merry Christmas everyone, let's go to the Haunted House." -Crow.
 "Oh, God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!" -Joan.

 "Count how many large mouth bass I swallow." -Mike.
 "Don't I get a kiss?" "You'll get a lot more than that if you don't get out 
    there and find that thing. Now go!" "So she threatened him with sex?" 
    -Merlin/Zurella/Mike.
 "Give me all your cookies and I won't have you killed." "Hooray." -Tom 
    Servo/Crow and Mike.
 "Good use of trolls." -Mike (as Jonathan).
 "I'm Tinkerbell." -All.
 "Merlin was a thieving crack head who fenced VCRs to feed his habit." 
    -Crow.
 "Oh god, look at this!" -Jonathan.
 "Rock and roll Martian!" -Michael.
 "So that's how you got rid of Grandma, eh?" -Mike.
 "Those Altoids are curiously strong." -Mike (as Jonathan).
 "We like to be as trendy as possible up here, so lately, we've gotten into 
    1920's college pranks." -Mike.

 "Four days ago, a fire fell from the sky..." -Sister Ann.
 "I have a big chin, ho ho ho." -Mike. 
 "He's *boxed* in." "Well, I'm *card-bored*." -Crow/Mike.
 "He's Jean Claude Van Dahm." "No, he's more like Jean Claude Gosh 
    Darn" -Tom Servo/Mike.
 "Plaid Avengers, ho!" -Tom Servo.
 "Thank you, Pearl, for not killing us." -All, et al.
 "This isn't a real movie, it's a movieloaf." -Tom Servo.
 "You know, I could point out that it's not the future and there is no 
    war..." -Crow.

 "And then at the right moment, ATTACK!" -Crow.
 "And you, balding comb-over fish..." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Z).
 "Shoe polish...Cleaning compound of deceit!" -Crow.
 "I hope you like you're catfish hot and spicy." -Crow.
 "I mean, Mike, you've had victims die prematurely, but you don't act 
    petulantly like this." -Tom Servo.
 "Oh. I'm really going to sashay through the sarcasm." -Crow.
 "Please enjoy a fish anus." -**.
 "Typical male, sitting in his chair, playing with his rod." -Tom 
    Servo.

 "Here it is. This is all we have to do." "Get naked and wrestle!" "Not now. 
    C'mon." -Girl/Servo/Mike 
 "I saw the little creature." -**.

 "A lunar meteorite..." -Kathy.
 "Blossoming makes everything tastes grrreat!" -Tom Servo.
 "Bring your 4x4 down to the Track of the Moon Beast." -Tom Servo.
 "Hawkeye Pierce returns to the MASH unit." -Crow.
 "Johnny Longbone..." -All. et al.
 "Moon rock, oh wow!" -Kathy.
 "Ooh, what haven't we seen in this movie yet? Oh, right. A scrawny, drunken 
    bowler's ass cheek. Thank you." -Crow.
 "Plunger, yum!" -Tom Servo.

 "Clowns.  Terrifying in any country." -Crow.
 "God, I hate cute." -Crow.
 "High Goon." -Tom Servo.
 "It's dangerous for Joe Don to be in the water.  Someone might harpoon 
    him." -Ton Servo.
 "Joel got to escape after seeing a really bad Joe Don Baker movie, so 
    I just figured..." -Mike.
 "Mike's tripping." -Tom Servo. et al.
 "Oh, I see.  You're complaining." -Pearl.
 "Revenge is best served with laughter and giggles." -Mike.

 "Alas Poor Who?" -Mike.
 "Choke it down, Schnitzelbots." -Pearl.
 "Find the lady!" -Mike.
 "Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." "Unfortunately, they're 
    Northwest angels, so they'll be late." -Horatio/Crow (as Horatio).
 "If he but blanche, I know my course." "But if he charbroils..." 
    -Hamlet/Mike.
 "Is it me?  Am I a magnet for these idiots?" -Pearl.
 "It's not Servo.  It's Sirvieux." -Tom Servo.
 "May four captains bear thee like a soldier to the stage." "Captain 
    Spaulding, Captain Kangaroo, Captain Crunch..." -Horatio/Crow.
 "Unfold yourself!" -Hamlet.
 "What's worse than clowns?  Danish clowns!" -Crow.

 "Bat on the run." -Tom Servo.
 "Bloodless Bob to Monkey One...the lemmings are in position.  Drop 
    your payload!" -Observer.
 "He's turning into a damn warwilf." -Mike.
 "How dare you be Lou and you be Ted and not let me be Mare?  I can 
    turn the world on with my stinking smile!" -Crow.
 "I guess then, by definition, I'm in the Batmobile." -Crow (as 
    Johnny).
 "It isn't happening.  It's in my mind." "Well, then you can clean that 
    up with your mind, young man." -Johnny/Tom Servo.
 "It makes me want to invest everything I have in steam-powered weaving 
    machines!" -Crow.
 "It would have been a better movie if he had been bitten by a cow." 
    -Crow.
 "McClod!" -Mike.

 "Could there be any more goose poop in my front yard?" -Crow.
 "From Los Angeles, they take off from New York to get to Singapore." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Is this the titillating trump card?  Dancers chasing a half-man, 
    half-spider?" -Mike.
 "It's kooky and we're swimming and we have no nipples." -Mike (as the 
    girls).
 "Man, we *do* need shoelaces!" -Tom Servo.
 "Ooohhh, water!" -Girls.
 "There's absolutely no reason yet to fear the worst. Until now, we 
    only know that the plane caught fire and that we've lost radio 
    contact." "Well there's absolutely nothing to be worried about." 
    -Dr. Strangelove guy/Mike.
 "Too bad we couldn't grab this movie with a tissue and flush it down 
    the toilet." -Mike.
 "Wait, who told them to get dressed?!" -Tom Servo.
 "We've got to make it! Paddle with your hands!" "Or your panties, or 
    your breasts, or whatever." -Gary/Crow (as Gary).

 "All his shirt needs is a Chianti candle and a menu." -Tom Servo.
 "Do you suppose there's a hellish imp for me?" -Mike.
 "I do the cute names around here, Nel...son." -Pearl.
 "If I see you one more time..." "That'll be three times." -Sheriff/Tom 
    Servo (as sheriff).
 "I'm Coiley.  The Spring Sprite, they call me!" -Coiley.
 "Maybe giant cows will attack, what's your point?" -Tom Servo.
 "No springs, hehehe!" -Coiley, et al.
 "Save the girl, or go antiqueing?" -Crow (as Mick).
 "Servo's become inflicted with Southern-Belle-ness." -Crow.
 "The most bizarre freak of nature ever recorded...oh, broccoflower." 
    -Crow.
 "Where does Coiley fit into God's plan for us?" -Crow.
 "Yeah, this is the night the lights went out in Georgia." -Mike.
 "You'll be the first to die." -Tom Servo (as Coiley).

 "Crow, you're wreaking the moment." -Tom Servo.
 "Each sea gull has its own parking space." -Tom Servo.
 "He done blowed hisself up!" -Crow.
 "Is that stud coming?" -Valmont.
 "It's not unusual to steal trucks from anyone." -Tom Servo.
 "Move on Nelson.  I have." -Pearl.
 "Never start a movie in the middle of a spin cycle." -Mike.
 "Sophisticated, not gay." -Crow.
 "This is just a Good Samaritan he met in the tunnel." "She's a GREAT 
    Samaritan!" -Tom Servo/Crow.