"Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?" -Tom Servo.
 "Captain M.J. Donnally doesn't do it for a superhero." -Tom Servo.
 "Creeper, creeper, creeper-you give me the creeps!" -Grocery store 
    owner.
 "Crow?" "You shall live." "Thank you." -Gypsy/Crow/Gypsy.
 "Lick your eggs, or have a friend lick them." -Crow.
 "None of this would have happened if chemistry weren't required." 
    -Crow.
 "Rocks move faster than this guy." -Tom Servo.
 "She can't resist the great smell of Brute Man." -Crow.
 "Wait a minute...men and women breeding better poultry?  What kind of 
    sick experiment is going on here?" -Mike.
 "Weathered bitch." -Tom Servo (as grocery store owner).

 "Don't worry, Nelson, there's still my nude celebrity trap shoot! Pull! Heh-
    heh!" -Dr. F.
 "Every successful television show has had a winsome child of some sort.  
    Take your Family Affairs, your Full Houses, you're the Avengers" -Dr. F.
 "Formerly Dan's Diaper Service. Now, the Annihilation Squad!" -Mike.
 "Gary saw a silver fish!" -Crow.
 "He died as he died...dead." -Mike.
 "Henry Silva provided by Rent-a-Silva" -Crow.
 "He took out Horshack!" -Tom Servo.
 "Hey, I had the radio on, I didn't hear, am I supposed to leave the Bronx?"
    -Mike.
 "I am gonna take the crap out of this picture!" -Tom Servo (as the 'If they 
    see us, we've had it' guy).
 "I'll show 'em who's piddle! I'll bring this cathedral down with one blow of 
    my hammer!" -Crow (as Gov. Piddle).
 "Is that true? Do you suck?" -Mike (as reporter).
 "It's for the really, um, sad kids with...hurt puppies..." -Crow.
 "It's Trash! We've got him! He's a sitting duck! A-woo-hoo!" -'Professional' 
    helicopter pilot. 
 "It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. He was wearing his 
    coveralls, he was nothin' but a bag of blood." -Mike. 
 "Let me correct you, Mr. Clarke. I'm worse than anybody." "'Cept for that 
    one guy, he was really worse" -Henry Silva/Crow.
 "Oooh, I'm hungry, I'm tired. It never stops. Death...would be a blessing" 
    -Dr. F. 
 "She looks like if Gilda Ratner and Satan had a baby" -Mike.
 "This trampoline accident could have been avoided.  Never use a trampoline 
    with unstable TNT in your pocket" -Crow.
 "Those squibs were meant for me!" -Mike (as Trash).
 "We lost only three-hundred and twelve dollars and thirty-one cents, and 
    next year we'll lose even more! Thank you everyone, thank you, you cheap 
    heartless bastards..." -Crow.
 "Wilfred Brimly IS 007!" -Tom Servo.
 "Will it still be a Hell of a town, sir?" -Tom Servo (as reporter).

 "According to this, "A Fish Called Wanda" was as good as Laserblast'." 
    -Mike.
 "All right, watch out, Thunderbucket, you're about to meet your 
    greatest challenge!" -Tom Servo (as fat, lumpy Hank Williams, Jr,- 
    esque deputy).
 "And I'll tell you something else if you don't think I'm crazy..." 
    "...I have grasshoppers taped to my back!" -Mrs. Joe Don Baker/Mike 
    (as Mrs. Joe Don Baker).
 "Bad movies have taught us that sheriffs hold on to their belts a 
    lot." -Crow.
 "Boy, I'm glad I never got rid of the big rig" -Pearl.
 "Boy, when a movie starts showin' you parts of itself, you know you're
    in trouble" -Mike.
 "Could Leonard Maltin be wrong and this ISN'T worth two and a half
    stars?" -Crow.
 "Duh, I'm a dork" -Crow.
 "Dumb Cop and Dumb Cop- they're Dump Cops." -Mike.
 "Excuse me, I just got crabs from your toilet" -Tom Servo (as smarmy 
    Bill Bixby-esque businessman).
 "Flesh is a nice color for a house" -Mike.
 "Frankly, Billy, I'm baffled AND grossed out!" -Crow (as Dr. Mellon).
 "Glad I hung on to this!"- Mike.
 "Good Shooting, Xanthar!" "Thanks, Denise!" -Crow/Mike (as cute
    big-butt aliens).
 "I'd like to teach the world... to get READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!" 
    -Mike (as fat, lumpy Hank Williams, Jr,- esque deputy).
 "I don't like goin' to doctors..." ".... But it was Roddy MacDowell, 
    he made it fun!" -Billy/Mike (as Billy).
 "I just keep feeling like you're not ready for some football...." 
    -Crow (as fat, lumpy Hank Williams, Jr,-esque deputy).
 "I'll show you a race!" "Just let me get in my dad's electrical supply
    van..." -Billy/Crow (as Billy).
 "I'm gonna drink the Hell out of this Coke!" -Tom Servo (as Billy).
 "I'm thinking of getting an ass reduction, Ted" -Mike (as cute big-
    butt alien).
 "I think they were going for a 'Touch of Evil' feel, but they got a
    touch of somethin' else" -Crow.
 "J.D. Powers and associates rank these guys the most loathsome in 
    their class" -Tom Servo.
 "Now that scene worked because you were expecting a bear to jump out" 
    -Mike.
 "Oh, Billy, between you and the motor oil and your B.O. and the scabby
    hole in your chest.... I just love you..." -Tom Servo (as Billy's 
    girlfriend).
 "Oh, poopie" -Dr. F (as a star child).
 "Oh, they targeted this movie to lonely bass fishermen" "In other 
    words, bass fishermen" -Tom Servo/Mike.
 "Ow! There's a folding shovel in there!" -Crow.
 "She undercut the subtle nuance of my wiener joke!" -Crow (as Chuck).
 "Something touched me deep inside\the day Eddie Deezen died..." -Mike.
 "That'll be..." "...let's see, uh, five bucks for the butt nudge..." 
    -Gas station guy/Crow (as gas station guy).
 "What if I stomp up and down on your chest?" -Mike (as Dr. Mellon).
 "Yes, non-skinny women are inherently not happy" -Tom Servo.
 "Yes, teens love their cake pool parties" -Crow.
 "Yes, we're making restitution to all who had sex with Billy!" 
    "Although not admitting any wrong-doing, we agree to compensate you 
    for having sex with Billy." -Mike/Tom Servo.
 "You know, Mike, this film was run through a highly technical process
    called "Tension Extraction" before being released to theaters..." 
    -Crow.