"Another Buddhist protesting the helmet laws..." -Joel.
 "Any fruit to declare?... ANY *FRUIT* TO DECLARE?!?!" -** (as Omega 
    Guards).
 "Feel some malaise, sucka!" -** (as 'Jimmy Carter').
 "Gee.  Ohio looks great after the apocalypse!" -Joel.
 "I can't tell you how richly satisfying this is." -Tom Servo.
 "I'd put football pads on and just go up and down the street diving 
    through plate glass windows!" -Crow.
 "It's Kung Foley!" -**.
 "It's not so much the apocalypse as it is the humidity." -Joel.
 "Mall of America was the scene of a violent coup today..." -**.

 "But -- wait a minute; my head *is* a mass of muscle..." -Joel (as 
    Hercules).
 "Excuse me while I have a strange interlude." -Crow (as Iole).
 "Have I mentioned I'm immense and immortal?" -Joel (as Hercules).
 "Hey, it's *my* piece of meat, I'll bite it where I want to!" -Crow 
    (as Hercules).
 "Hi!  We came to get Scruffy, our pet lion -- OH MY GOD!!" -Joel (as a 
    Greek soldier).
 "I love my dead Greek son!" -Tom Servo (as King Pelias).
 "'Love' is an expression never used here." "Except when it comes to 
    chocolate!" Queen Antea/Joel (as Antea).
 "Now, don't you kids get drunk and go swimming under the dock. (Doodly 
    doodly doodly...)  Help!  I'm drunk and I'm swimming under the dock!!" 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Now that the Golden Fleece is gone, he must officiate." "EWWWW!!" -Iole/ 
    All.
 "Oh, I hope *they* aren't Herc's mortal weakness!" -Crow.
 "Oh, no!  My aunt's coming to take me to the Michael Bolton concert!" 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Pretty please, with Herc on top?" -Crow (as Hercules).
 "This island bites.  It's, like, totally Amazon-less." -Tom Servo (as a 
    Greek sailor).
 "This morning, a lone chain-man terrorized downtown Athens.  No motive w
    was apparent." -Tom Servo.
 "Wait -- this is *ancient* Greece.  They didn't have ruins yet!" -Crow.
 "You know, I get the feeling Hercules is going to learn an important 
    lesson and kick some serious butt." -Joel.

 
 "Alright, we need volunteers to get killed at this campsite." -**.
 "But, Santa, why, *why* are you taking my gun?" -**.
 "Enjoy yourself!" "I just did.  :)" -**/** (as Touch Connors).
 "Get over here.  We just wanna kill you for a minute." -**.
 "Hey, can we stop and wrestle now?" -**.
 "I do not know what we are.  Perhaps we are gauchos.  Ole!" -** (as some 
    guys in the parade).
 "No, you can't inject puberty, it has to happen over time." -**.
 "Okay, now remember our rule: Only one dead at each place." -**.
 "They're doing a nickel at UPS!" -**.
 "Uh oh -- Roger Corman.  This is gonna go down hard, guys." -**.
 "Would Kay enjoy... a weenie roast?" "NICK, NO!!" -Narrator/All.
 "You normally find this sort of thing on pay-per-view!" -**.

 "...And starring Technicolor as himself." -Crow.
 "Boy!  He sure is smooth, boss!" -Crow (as a Henchman).
 "'By special arrangement'??  What, did they have to get her out of the 
    fourth grade?" -Joel.
 "Could something please just happen!!" -Crow.
 "Could you explain again why I do all the work?" -Crow (as Baby Face).
 "Hey -- He made the pool!" -Joel (as Super Dragon).
 "Hi, honey, I'm smooth!" -Crow (as Super Dragon).
 "I am the atomic powered robot.  Please give my best wishes to   
    everybody!" -Minsky the Robot.
 "I can't believe I just said 'codependent'!!" -Tom Servo.
 "'I don't want to die, I don't want to die'... Look, I got problems  
    too!!" -Crow.
 "It's tasteless, odorless, and leaves no trace in the human body." 
    "Velveeta?" -Coleman/Crow.
 "Personal effects make me happy." -Joel (as police chief).
 "Point zero-zero-FORE!" -Joel.
 "Remind your engineers to use coasters on me." -Crow (as the Table).
 "Two healthy students suddenly die of heart failure--" "Oh!  I've heard 
    this one..." -Comfort/Tom Servo.

 "And I shall be there... bringing you my golden fish." "Oh, wowwww..."
    -Morgiana/Joel.
 "Cavorting really makes you lose your electrolytes." -Joel.
 "Eehhhh... Could you catch another fish, please?..." -Joel (as some 
    Prole).
 "Gentlemen!  Ours is a society based on ancient traditions!" "Really? I 
    thought we just sold each other fish." -Tom Servo/Crow.
 "Have you got the bird of happiness?" "Well, we've got a pretty friendly 
    chicken..." -Sinbad/Crow (as Viking chief).
 "He just brought the level of discourse *way* down." -Tom Servo.
 "He's not Sinbad..." -Crow.
 "Hey!  I'm sacred; leave me alone." -Joel (as a Cow).
 "If you find a melody, Sinbad, hop on..." -Joel.
 "I know all about your Luberia." "Hey!  That cleared up." -Morgiana/Crow 
    (as Sinbad).
 "I'm not worried about it; my name's in the title." -Joel (as Sinbad).
 "Is this really the best away team he could have chosen?" -Crow.
 "It seems as though my doom is imminent.  So -- How are you?" -Crow.
 "Let me explain it to you one more time: No." -Crow (as Sinbad).
 "Man... I never knew Arabia was so *Russian*." -Joel.
 "Sadly, Sinbad wandered to the edge of the enchanted sea..." "...and had 
    a magic B.M." -Narrator/Tom Servo (as Narrator).
 "'Santa bites the bishop'??" -Tom Servo.
 "Shame fuels the economy!" -Dr. Forrester.
 "Sir... Sir, we may be underwater, but we still have standards." -Crow.
 "Sounds like God picked up some extra bucks doing voice-overs." -Joel.
 "Take it to the bridge, Sinbad!... Drop it in the water..." -Crow.
 "That bear has Hammer-pants on!" -Joel.
 "This is how they selected the jury for the Rodney King trial." -Crow.
 "Uh oh -- I broke him..." -Crow.
 "Use *your own* magic bird!" -Tom Servo (as Sinbad).
 "What fresh hell is this?" -Crow.
 "Why, in God's name, is Sinbad tax-exempt??" -Tom Servo.
 "You guys were shameful *before* he got here." -Crow.
 "You know what this is, don't you?  It's fear of a short red planet is 
    what it is!!" -Tom Servo.

 "Do you think we'll freeze to death before the jackals get us?" -**.
 "He's surrounded by adoring housewives!" -**.
 "Hey, did I tell you my tires are filled with water?... ... My tires are 
    filled with water." -Joel (as Arch Hall, Jr.).
 "Honey, why do we have an oven in the living room?" -**.
 "Honk if you love Eegah!" -**.
 "Is something wrong, Mr. Miller?" "Sit down, pie-face, it's a long 
    list..." -Arch Hall, Jr./** (as Mr. Miller).
 "It's swell for tearing up fragile ecosystems -- Watch!" -** (as Arch 
    Hall, Jr.).
 "Looks like it hurts to be him." -Joel.
 "Oh, I know I'm being punished for something... What have I done??... I 
    DIDN'T ASK TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!" -Tom Servo.
 "Stop saying 'whee!'  Nobody says 'whee!'." -Tom Servo.
 "That's a strange thing to wield." -**.
 "The oldest cliche in the movies -- 'they're doomed'." -**.
 "Watch out for snakes!" -Disembodied Voice.

 "Can I show you something in a size *me*?" -Crow (as Jimmy).
 "Here in Texas, there is an additional problem --" "-- Texans!" - 
    Narrator/Crow.
 "I accuse her hair!" -Crow.
 "I know how toast works..." -Tom Servo (as Jimmy).
 "I'm gonna build a blimp and fight the Nazis!" -**.
 "I'm thinkin' of tellin' my wife I love her... ... ... NAHHHH!!!" -Crow  
    (as the Truck Farmer).
 "I went and liberated France while you were dancing." -Crow (as Jimmy).
 "Joel, why are you spending your time psychoanalyzing robots?" -Crow.
 "Joel, you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR MENU!!" -Tom Servo.
 "Let's strip him!" -Crow (as Shirley).
 "--the hell?!? Tom Servo, you're naked!" -Joel.

 "All I know is that in this outfit I feel like a total femme.  And you 
    know what?  I don't have a problem with it!" -Tom Servo.
 "Alternate vibrators inserted..." "Hey!!  You can't say that!" 
    -Technician/Crow.
 "Do I have enough time to beat up the band?" -Crow (as Neil Connery).
 "Good god I'm ugly.  Scared my own children out of the nursery today." 
    -Crow (as Alpha).
 "Human Cleaners -- We'll clean your humans overnight!" -Crow.
 "I just want to be Bavarian for one brief, shining moment!  Is that so 
    wrong?!" -TV's Frank.
 "'I like you.  Do you like me?  -Signed, The Minister of Health.'..." 
    -Joel (as Neil Connery).
 "I think I had her in the eighth grade." -Crow.
 "I woke up, you weren't there, I *hate* that!" -Tom Servo (as the Old 
    Spice guy). et al.
 "MaY i uSE yOuR BatHroOM?" -Torgo.
 "No, my doctor says I can't have Mr. Pibb!" -TV's Frank.
 "Now Michael Jackson's journey is complete..." -**.
 "Oh -- See, gays in the military, right there." -Joel.
 "Prepare to meet Kali's brother -- near hell!!" -Tom Servo (as Thayer).
 "Thanks for the all-clear, Moneypenny." -Crow (as Ward).
 "The remaining monkey brains have been reduced to $1.99." -Crow (as **).
 "We just came to beat everybody up, we're leaving now!  Thanks!" -Crow  
    (as the Old Spice guy).
 "Whatever can I do to make it up to you?" "Uh... paint my house?" 
    -Maya/Crow (as Neil Connery).
 "You're dressed as a space-angel.  Why?" -Joel (as Neil Connery).

 "Big, should I have not put my head in the driver's lap?  Was that 
    wrong?" -Crow (as Danny).
 "Did his head just turn into a big sucker?" -Tom Servo.
 "He does look like an easy target for thugs.  Hell, *I'd* like to beat  
    him up." -Crow.
 "Hey -- my eye went straight!  Thanks!" -Joel (as Jack Elam).
 "How about that guy I groined in the knee?" -Tom Servo (as Danny).
 "I'll give you ten dollars every time you don't hit me." -Crow (as  
    Danny).
 "Joel, when I grow up I wanna be a DRIFTER!" -Crow.
 "Look, why don't I save you the trouble and just give *these* guys the 
    money?" -Joel (as cashier in pool-hall).
 "No, I'm saving myself for the right oily drifter." -Joel (as Carrie 
    (she's so very)).
 "Now, I envision Big Stupid as pure energy..." -TV's Frank.
 "Oh, boy, this is gonna be dark..." -TV's Frank.
 "Oh, this is a great date.  I've always wanted to be nuzzled by a hobo." 
    -Joel (as Carrie).
 "Once again, Big has saved Danny from a heterosexual experience." -Joel.
 "Pa doesn't know very much about girls' clothes." "There's so much you 
    could say to that." -Carrie/Crow.
 "Pervert-Burger!" -Crow (as Jack Elam).
 "She's a prostitute.  You can't really shame her, okay?" -Joel.
 "Tell me all about yourself." "Well, I don't have any bones, I'm all 
    cartilage..." -Sadie/Tom Servo (as Danny).
 "That was one weird-ass movie." -Tom Servo.
 "The first 10,000 lucky kids get slide whistles, and the second 10,000 
    lucky kids get real brass knuckles.  Then, the first 10,000 lucky kids 
    become unlucky..." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Uh, camera three get off the track... Camera three -- OH DEAR GOD!!!" 
    -Crow.
 "What I'm gonna do, see, is kill *you*, and strap you around *my* body 
    for armor..." -Tom Servo (as Big Stupid).

 "...An entire day spent grooming." -Joel (as Narrator).
 "Arf-keeba!... Gym-collie!..." -Joel (as Lassie).
 "Book of Me, Chapter 4, Verse 12..." -Joel (as Pile-On Pete).
 "Excuse me.  I couldn't help but notice how much you look like everyone 
    else." -Crow (as the well-groomed guy).
 "Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!" -Crow (as the Narrator).
 "Grooming is between you and the lord God." -Crow (as the Narrator).
 "Guys, this couldn't be lamer." -Tom Servo.
 "Hey, everybody, Tommy's in there crying like a little girl!" -Joel (as 
    Jonathan).
 "Hi!  I'm Moisty, the national spokesman for sweat!" -Tom Servo (as  
    sweaty athlete).
 "His head just doesn't have the structural support for that hair." -Crow.
 "I'm a *dog*!  I can't process this much information at once!" -Joel (as 
    Lassie).
 "Look -- Bigfoot, putting on a blazer!" -Crow.
 "Matthew 6:19 at the half... heh heh, little preacher joke." -Tom Servo 
    (as Pile-On Pete).
 "Oh, there she is -- about 200 yards.  You could make it with iron  
    sights, but you'll want to use a scope, Crow..." -Tom Servo.
 "'Pile-On Pete'??" -Joel.
 "Remember last week, when he was alive?  Well, that didn't last..." -Joel 
    (as Taylor).
 "She's looking right at his throat..." -Crow.
 "So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, then leaves??" -Crow.
 "Thank you for extruding me." -Crow.
 "Thomas Edison invented the pornograph, beginning the age of 
    pornography..." -Crow.
 "We just took your libido and starched and pressed it." -Crow (as the 
    Narrator).
 "Would this be a bad time to bring up Snausages?" -Joel (as Lassie).
 "You know, people were whiter back then." -Joel.

 "Boy, it's really *blue* out today..." -Crow.
 "Come in -- er, out...???" -Joel (as Kane Merow).
 "Do you want to make people's heads explode?  Sure -- we all do!..." -Dr. 
    Forrester.
 "He shoulda slid him *across* the bar." "That hadn't been invented yet." 
    -Joel/Tom Servo.
 "Hey, my sammich is whole again!  Cool!" -Crow.
 "I like Wade, he's just not a dancer." -Tom Servo (as some guy). et al.
 "Neat.  Dark specter in basic black." -Tom Servo.
 "That's right; it's nature's own wiffle." -Crow.
 "That's what I want -- mummified and next to Stalin." -Crow.
 "This movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it." -Joel.

 "Any movie with 'wok-a-chicka wok-a-chicka' in it is okay by me!" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Booze and I are buying a house together, we're going to move in." -Joel 
    (as Mitchell).
 "Frank, my towel and your hinder have an appointment." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Hey!" "What?" *BANG!* "Oh!" -John Saxon/Joel (as 'Johnny Mathis').
 "It's the maritime equivalent of rock climbing." -**.
 "MITCHELL!!" -All.
 "Mitchell... Even his name says, 'Is that a beer?'" -Joel.
 "My my my my MY GOD!!!" -Crow.
 "This makes _Driving Miss Daisy_ look like _Bullitt_!" -**.
 "Well, she was gonna smell like a beer sooner or later." -**.
 "Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem..." -** (as a Cop).
 "What, are you kidding??  We're on a spaceship!  This place is *crawling*
    with toothpicks!" -Joel.
 "Why would anyone want to *do* this with Mitchell, Joel??" -**.
 "Word on the street is, you're a jerk." -**.
 "You don't have to be a pig for the rest of your life, Mitchell." "Well, 
    I kinda *do*..." -**/** (as Mitchell).
 "You know, it's about this time in any killing spree that you really 
    ought to turn the gun on yourself." -Tom Servo.

 "And, with that cryptic comment, I'm going to bed." -Mike (as Dr. 
    Courtner).
 "Guys, that's not cheese..." -Gypsy.
 "He'll either win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy." -Crow.
 "Help I'm in another dimension!!..." -Crow (as Dr. Courtner).
 "Ho there!" -Tom Servo. #513-. (Robot Roll Call.)
 "If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's..." -Mike.
 "I'm not ready!" -Gypsy. #513- (Robot Roll Call.)
 "*I'm* your mother now, Frank." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Just a normal Tuesday for Cher..." -Mike.
 "Maybe he's just in there building a shelf?" -Crow.
 "Meanwhile, at Kurt Cobain's house..." -Tom Servo.
 "'Mike' is a very nice name." -Gypsy.
 "Oh, as if *you're* the only person who ever got their head cut off.   
    Quit whining!" -Tom Servo.
 "Oh, pleeeease, Laurel Records!  Let us use "The Web"!  C'mon!" -Crow.
 "Show yourself!" -Cambot. #513-. (Robot Roll Call.)
 "That's one 'o'!" -Crow. #513-. (Robot Roll Call.)
 "This dance represents that there are no baked potatoes until after  
    five." -Mike (as Dancer).
 "...Well, at least there are some cocktails in this dimension..." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Well, I'd better be going.  It's been sleazy and all, but, uh..." -Crow 
    (as Dr. Courtner).
 "You're listening to KPORN -- sleazy, slutty music all morning long..." 
    -Tom Servo (as radio DJ).

 "And I didn't steal no bike, neither!" -Mikey.
 "I think I'm a hermaphrodite!" -** (as Mikey).
 "Oh, don't invoke Jupiter..." -Mike.

 "A Centron production -- although we got the idea from another company, 
    because we're cheating!  Thank you!" -Crow.
 "A lot of villains aren't bold enough to wear clamdiggers." -Mike.
 "Cheating is bad.  Richard Basehart is good." -Gypsy. (Also attributed to 
    Crow. :)
 "He copied my frigging paper!!!" -Gypsy.
 "I have no clue what you're talking about, but I'm profoundly   
    devastated." -Tom Servo (as Flannigan).
 "I have the feeling *Satan* would regret making this movie." -Mike.
 "I shun you version 3.0 for Windows!" -Tom Servo.
 "It's fun when it's fun!" -Mike.
 "It's like we're smart, but we're not!" -Tom Servo (as a Bat Girl).
 "Mother Theresa called... She hates you." -Crow.
 "Oh, god...  I was gonna get through this movie without thinking about 
    his hips, and now *this*!..." -Mike.
 "Oh, stop pretending there's a plot.  Don't cheapen yourself further." 
    -Crow.
 "She's got a frontal bike-rack!" -Crow.
 "So, there's a subplot about a horseshoe, then?..." -Crow.
 "That's 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound butt capacity pants!" -Mike.
 "They just put a bunch of movies in a blender and pressed the 'mix' 
    button!" -Crow.
 "This contract arrived for you from a Mr. Elzebub." -Tom Servo (as Miss 
    Grandy).
 "This is like a Mentos ad!" -Mike.
 "To me, that leash screams 'unhealthy relationship'." -Crow.
 "What's in it for us?  --and by 'us' I mean 'me'." -Crow.
 "Would you like some -- SOUP?" -Crow.
 "...yeah the Devil made this movie for you..." -Mike.
 "Yes, yes, but what does it *mean*??" -Tom Servo.
 "You know a movie is bad bad BAD if it makes The Monkees look good!" 
    -Crow.
 "You know, that may not really be Chinese." -Tom Servo.

 "Actually, the Atlanteans are very supportive of referendum bond issues  
    so the highways will be --" "SHUT UP!!" -Crow/Tom Servo.
 "And the answer is -- dull surprise!" -Crow.
 "Boy, it's *blue* in Egypt.  Bluer than I remember." -Tom Servo (as Dr. 
    Saknussem).
 "Did I mention I'm Austr-eye-lian?" -Tom Servo (as Gus).
 "How about you bite me twice?" -Mike (as Kathy Ireland).
 "I'd slap this movie if I could." -Tom Servo.
 "I hope I look all right for my meeting with the Sun God..." -Crow (as 
    Dr. Saknussem).
 "I see you've decided to go psycho.  Godspeed." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Mother Theresa, please hold, *Kathy's* on line one..." -Crow (as God).
 "Now, you see, this is irresponsible.  They're encouraging people to go 
    out and drug Kathy Ireland." -Mike.
 "Oh, pooh -- I'm in the pit of Hell." -Tom Servo (as Kathy Ireland).
 "See, *this* should have a brain in it." -Mike (as Robbie).
 "Teat teat teat teat teat teat..." -Crow and Tom Servo.
 "We are not *murderers*!" "Sir?  Uh, actually, we are." -Crassus/Mike (as 
    some guy in a hardhat).
 "We're just not right for each other -- I mean, *I'm* right, but *you're* 
    not." -Crow (as Robbie).
 "Y'know, in Austr-eye-lia my voice is as annoying as yours." -Crow (as 
    Gus).

 "Guys, this is so not-Illinois." -Mike.
 "He just polygraphed a sandwich!  He needs real help!" -Mike.
 "Hello.  Bug lab." -Crow (as Peter Graves).
 "I'd really like to see you rub your forearms together." -Crow (as Peter 
    Graves).
 "If you could see my hands right now, you'd be horrified." -Tom Servo (as 
    Peter Graves).
 "Is that car in your area?" "I beg your pardon!!" -Police Dispatcher/Crow 
    (as MacKenzie).
 "Okay, okay, you can have your raise!" -Crow (as Peter Graves).
 "She's got her radio tuned to the Marching Band Station." -Mike.
 "The name is *Jeffrey*, I happen to be *in* a helicopter." -Crow (as 
    Helicopter Pilot).
 "They're not gonna let us drop the bomb!  Don't answer it!" -Crow (as 
    Bomber Pilot).
 "This is where you step back and say, 'Thank God for my exoskeleton!'" 
    -Crow (as Grasshoper).
 "Wait, this isn't a stick shift -- AAHHHGHGH!" -Mike (as Audrey Ames).
 "Well, Todd thinks it's okay..." -Tom Servo.
 "We've got to get organized!  We should not be losing to *grasshoppers*, 
    people!" -Mike (as a Soldier).
 "You know, when I was a boy, we didn't *have* fast movies.  Sometimes, we 
    had to wait three or four *hours* for something to happen!" -Mike.

 "I'll stay here and supervise the zombie." -Tom Servo (as Victor).
 "I'm a practical woman, Dr. Frank.  Now: Lop my head off!" -Crow (as Mrs. 
    March).
 "The 'K' stands for 'Karl'.  Karl was the man who invented lightning." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Time elapsed.  Just take our word for it." -Tom Servo.
 "When you get close to an accent, let us know." -Crow.

 "'...don't want to be pleasured by the slave girl'... What was I 
    *thinking*?!?" -Crow (as Cabot).
 "Get out of here -- you disgusting *worrrrrm*!!" -Lara.
 "_Honey, I Shrunk the Nelson_." -Crow.
 "I crap bigger than this movie..." -Crow (as Jack Palance).
 "It's Dr. Freud's office!" -Crow.
 "Mmmm... Dove bars.  I love 'em no matter what dimension I'm in!" -Mike 
    (as Cabot).
 "She feels for me, and I feel for her, and we're free to express it..." 
    "--*naked*." -Cabot/Crow (as Cabot).
 "Tonight we have a very special vintage -- nineteen *me*!" -Tom Servo (as 
    Marlenus).
 "We've broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings on 
    to *you*!" -TV's Frank.
 "Yeah -- It's fun until somebody *dies*!!" -Gypsy.

 "Forty percent of all traffic accidents are caused by women's hinders!" 
    -Crow.
 "His face makes no sense." -Crow.
 "I have the feeling one of these characters is about to see their own 
    intestines." -**.
 "--It has no time to stop for you corn-shucking crackers!" -Mike (as 
    Narrator).
 "It's like they weren't even sure they were filming a chase scene!" -**.
 "It's not better than *radar*, is it?!" -**.
 "Never, under any circumstances, drive with your butt-cheeks." -** (as 
    Narrator).
 "Only *radar* knows what the hell is going on..." -Mike.
 "Trains are blameless, holy creatures..." -Mike (as Narrator).
 "Why don't they look?" -Railroad Engineer.

 "Ah, the classic battle between Evil and -- the narrator." -Crow.
 "A pentagram, and reindeer laughing.  You figure it out." -Tom Servo.
 "Brass monkeys, Frank, brass monkeys..." -Dr. Forrester.
 "'Dear Santa Claus: Please bring me a little brother.'  Oh ho ho ho! Can 
    do! Can do!" -Crow (as Santa Claus).
 "Don't you *ever* do that again!!" -Mike.
 "El Santa flew 23 missions over North Korea!" -Tom Servo.
 "He enjoys pantaloons more than he should." -Mike.
 "_Home Alone 3: The Quickening_." -Mike.
 "I'm here to eat candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy 
    canes!" -Krusher Kringle.
 "It's an oscillating fan with an ear attached -- *period*." -Crow.
 "Oh -- I forgot France!  Oh, well..." -Mike (as Santa).
 "Oh, I suppose *Hell* got an NEA grant." -Mike.
 "Okay, we're gonna whack Santa, he's muscling in on the Easter Bunny's 
    turf..." -Tom Servo (as Italian kid).
 "Santa's doing the forbidden dance!" -Crow.
 "Think it's really a good idea to jingle *all* the way?" -Tom Servo.
 "Well *this* is good old-fashioned nightmare fuel." -Crow.
 "WOULD YOU SHUT THE BLOODY ORGAN GRINDER UP!!" -Crow.
 "You can't be in our club, Satan!" -Crow (as Mexican kid).

 "At this point it's more of a Teenage Crime *Ripple*." -Crow.
 "Eww!  He's really moist!" -Tom Servo (as Terri).
 "I don't mean to rush you, ma'am, but is this death going to take long?" 
    -Tom Servo(as a Cop).
 "Nice hinder, son." "Thanks, dad." "I meant the girl!!!" -Tom Servo (as 
    Tom Grant)/Crow (as Ben).
 "Oh, Nelson.  So close and yet so not." -Dr. Forrester.
 "Society didn't give me enough bullets!" -Tom Servo (as Mike).
 "Somewhere, a deer is smiling." -Mike.
 "Thank god we have RADAR!" -Mike (as police captain). et al.
 "That guy's not even sexual enough to be a femme." -Mike.
 "Thelma and Louise and -- Steve." -Mike.
 "'...tied his ass to the tree...' Heh heh heh.  Love that." -Tom Servo 
    (as Tom Grant).
 "Yeah, just remember, Mike: If push came to shove, I could take ya!" 
    -Gypsy.
 "You're our most dangerous friend." -Mike (as Ben).
 "You want to unpack that one for me, son?" -Tom Servo (as Tom Grant).

 "At this point, what's inappropriate?" -Crow.
 "By this time my son's lungs were aching for air." -Crow (as Lloyd 
    Bridges).
 "Chicks love big ducks, let's face it." -Crow.
 "Don't give me that 'Woof!' crap!  I want an answer!" -Crow (as Genius).
 "First base is LARGER than I remember!" -Mike (as that guy in the cowboy 
    hat).
 "First rule: No theme music." -Dr. Forrester.
 "I hope they eat *him* first." -Crow.
 "I reject Tommy Kirk and all his works." -Crow.
 "Just think -- now that girl looks like leather, smells like Marlboros  
    and Giorgio, and makes her grandchildren call her by her first name." 
    -Mike.
 "Look, free breast rides and we'll waive the membership fees." -Mike (as 
    Beau Bridges).
 "Mom!  No!!  She's putting out for a nickel! ... I have no mother..." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Most of the town didn't have a problem with the Giant Regime..." -Mike.
 "Oh -- I didn't grow proportionately!!" -Mike (as Pete).
 "Okay, sheriff, we've given your idea a lot of thought and -- we've 
    decided to step on you." -Tom Servo (as Beau Bridges).
 "Okay, show of hands: Who wet 'em?" -Mike (as the Sheriff).
 "Painful, yes, but I've got to think of the greater Me." -Dr. Forrester.
 "So far, there's not thing one wrong with this movie!" -Crow.
 "Take me, you savage mousketeer!" -Crow (as Nancy).
 "Thanks for providing the transition." -Tom Servo.
 "To him it's kind of a sexy puppet show." -Tom Servo.
 "Tommy Kirk discussing 'goo' makes me very uncomfortable..." -Tom Servo.
 "What sins could a duck commit in a single lifetime?" -Crow (as a Giant 
    Duck).
 "You'll start immediately, you'll work 24 hours a day, you'll live on the 
    premises in a 3-by-3 closet, and you'll be paid in skunk pelts." -Dr. 
    Forrester.

 "Can I eat you when you die?" -Crow (as the Moon Puppy).
 "Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger." -**.
 "Do me a favor, Frank.  Take these oranges and wrap them in this  
    towel..." -Dr. Forrester.
 "I have named it!  It's called *Me*-ite!" -**.
 "I kinda feel bad about our passions of conquest." -**.
 "I'm turning on my invisible electromagnetic ray screen.  Even *I* don't 
    buy it." -**.
 "There's no steam in a vacuum!" -Tom Servo.
 "You know, you can only apply one-sixth the tongue on the moon." -Crow.